Anyone else know the feeling...

 ...of when you fit in, but you don't belong?

NaBloPoMo 22 - 26

 Fri 22 Nov

Difficult morning getting Lydia out the house, worked from home until school pick up time. Went and got Lydia from school and then drove to Leighton Buzzard to stay with Jess and Andy for the weekend. Everyone tired and grumpy, low point was having an argument with Tom in a lay-by as we tried to wake Phoebe up as sleeping in the car causes bedtime issues. Had Subway for tea in Oxford, everyone a lot happier after that. Arrived at bedtime, Phoebe did not want to go to sleep, spent evening chatting and catching up over wine and chilli with the Treharnes when all the kids finally asleep. Lots of emergency closures at work to sort out because of Storm Bert, am on call this week.

Saturday 23 Nov

Phoebe awake at 5am, managed to get her back to sleep, but she still got up for the day about 630am, waking the house up with her. Tom sorted kids in the morning with Jess, I had lie in until 930am which made me feel more human. Kids played all morning whilst we got dressed and sorted, then went out to Canal Museum at Stoke Bruerne. Very good museum with a kid friendly floor and a grown up floor, and cafe and small shop. Had a good time looking round whilst waiting for John and Adele to arrive. Over the canal for lunch at the Old Boat Inn for very nice pub grub, then a very wet and windy walk. Back home for tea and cake and chatting, buffet of cold bits out the fridge for tea and beige party food - always goes down well with our kids. Adele went home mid afternoon, John stayed the night, so again much catching up and wine after kids all finally asleep.

Sunday 24 Nov

My turn to get up with the kids, but they woke up a bit earlier, much less painful. Lots of lolling around in our pjs breakfasting whilst we waited in turn for the bathrooms, much tea. Once everyone sorted, kids played around adults chatting. Gammon and roast veggies for lunch expertly cooked by Treharnes with Dorset Apple Cake for pudding. Trip to St Barnabas Church for their very sweet Christmas tree festival in afternoon, nice rainy walk to tire everyone out. John off home after this, then another buffet tea and PJs for our girls before we drove home in torrential rain. Big chat with Tom in car on way home about trying to parent better and chill out more.

Monday 25 Nov

Everyone easy enough to get out the house today for a nice change. Day at my desk at home again in back to back meetings, find this frustrating as I don't get the rest of my work done. Stopped work at 5 to sort dinner, had chat with kids about our house rules over food which was semi successful, then went to get dressed for dance. Had crisis of confidence over what to wear, went with clown trousers and baggy top, Lydia joined me to choose my makeup for me and have a chat which is sweet. Dance really good again to tonight, loads of lovely lyrical dances. Home very late, had to have midnight snack as starving.

Tuesday 26 Nov

Needed to shower this morn as had crawled into bed unwashed last night. Managed to keep my cool when came down at 8:20 to find Lydia part dressed when it was time to leave already, got her out the door with minimum fuss. Another day of back to back meetings and not feeling like I'm getting anywhere. Meeting at school for the parenting course. Found it really hard today, felt like it was all  my fault the kids misbehave and I'm a bad parent which coloured the rest of the evening.  Makes me feel like I have to be strict and hold boundaries whatever, rather than going with my instincts and flexing to make life work for us, the exact opposite of other parenting books I've read. Not sure what to do about it.

Tried having 10 mins with Phoebe 'special time' as per the course whilst Lydia did same with Tom, went OK. Bedtime difficult, Phoebe on one. Had a parenting low moment shouting at Phoebe and trying to hold her in the bed where she just wouldn't stay in bed and Tom had to tag me out. Spent most of evening crying in bed and being angry about how I'm a bad parent who can't do the simplest things and why don't I enjoy parenting like other people seem to. It all feels very hard. Tom being very nice to me and bringing me tea and chocolate. Have had realisation that my period is due tomorrow and I'm often struggling at this point in my cycle. Good knowledge for next month.

NaBloPoMo 19 - 21

 Not really feeling this this year! I think because nothing very interesting happens to me anymore.

Tues 19 Nov

Full on day of work, parenting course at school, feeling a bit under the weather, so doom scrolling and housework in the evening.

Wed 20 Nov

No swimming for Phoebe as pipe had burst at swimming pool. Walked her up to Bitterne to drop off a parcel after the school run. Killed time looking at shops and buying snacks before back to school at 11am for a school tour for Phoebe as she's incredibly starting school next September. She'll only be 4 years 1 month when she starts, so one of the tiniest ones. She was quiet and apprehensive as we walked round, but liked spotting some of the siblings of Lydia's friends in Year R. 

Walked up to bus stop and then caught bus into town to meet Alex for lunch at the John Lewis cafe. Phoebe very excited to be going on bus and to walk through the Christmas market looking at the giant Christmas trees and Christmas pyramid. Bit wriggly at lunch, but so happy to see Alex, her curly friend! Then got lift back home with Alex, did a bit of house work whilst Phoebe played, including scrubbing dog poo off Lydia's walking boots. Phoebe also very happy to have a go in Rosa's big girl car seat on the lift home. 

Tom's mum arrived and read Phoebe some stories, then went to pick Lydia up from school, whilst I got Phoebe changed for ballet. Frost had melted enough so cycled up to ballet in the cold. Went to drop parcels off and pick up parcels on the way home. Absolutely baltic weather, but Phoebe liked the fairy lights everywhere.

Home for dinner - smoked salmon, mash and veg, with cream sauce. Then bedtime for Phoebe. Knitting and TV for us once kids in bed.

Thurs 21 Nov

Walked Phoebe to preschool as Tom needing to go out early for work. Started snowing on walk home, was quite heavy for a few hours and settled. Had mostly melted by mid afternoon. Lydia super excited by it, think only the second time she's seen in. Tom's mum less enthusiastic about walking Lydia to school and driving home in it. Lots of phone calls today, feeling under the weather, had lunch time nap. Rallied in evening to go dancing. Popped in to Hedge M&S on way to pick up some new tights as loads of mine had holes in. In the gym at the school tonight rather than the main hall, extremely cold. Had gone in tights under my dress intending to take it off, ended up putting more clothes on, and didn't take off my coat for ages!

NaBloPoMo 18 - brain fatigue

 My brain is so tired.

Took both girls to preschool/school today as Tom had an early start. Lydia up and dressed which was a huge deal and so helpful.

Then back to my desk for loads of calls back to back and leading GDPR for images training. That involves me being 'on' my best shiny sparkly self. It makes my brain hurt by the end of day. Lots of trying to bring people out of their shell and getting them to contribute.

Dancing in the evening, brought my friend Bev along with me. She had a great night! Good night to come along for your first night as it as the Charity Bake Off night - I got asked to judge - so many tasty cakes!

Had a fab night of dancing, loads of people in. So relaxing and all consuming.

Interesting conversation with Tom before bed about how I use my people skills in different aspects of my life. I am a chronic flirt, I want people to leave a conversation, interactions with me feeling good about themselves, and wanting to spend more time with me and there's a fine line between 'flirting', charisma and manipulation. Lots to unpick there, but it was a great conversation.

NaBloPoMo 16-17

Fully familyfied this weekend

Saturday was a picnic at Dearleap in the forest for Aoife's birthday followed by a walk/cycle, then tea at the Wickens with all my siblings, parents and Papa. Went dancing after the kids were in bed but the freestyle was a bit quiet so came home early.

Today was roast dinner at ours for everyone, then Tom and Andy took the kids to the park whilst Ellie and I did the washing up. Wickens stayed for tea, then bed and bath for our girls after they went home. 

Phoebe and Aoife thick as thieves running around the house playing, best friends one minute, falling out there next, then hiding under Phoebe's duvet. 

Actually feeling a bit peopled out which is rare for me, so hiding in bed post kids bedtime.

NaBloPoMo 15 - still at my desk

Writing now whilst I need a break from work - still loads to do on the to do list. Had 1:1 with  my manager, she's pleased with my digital interp work, and confidence course call, chatted about how to make better allies of men in the workplace to help women, particularly in meetings.

Booked October 2025 trip to Efteling for Verity's 30th birthday.

NaBloPoMo 14 - Dolly

 Another grumpy morning getting the kids out to school, then dentists for me, and a flat out day of back to back meetings. Stopped in time to get jacket potatoes in the oven for kids tea and to madly get changed before rushing to the theatre in Chichester to see "Here You Come Again". Went with my friend Darren, who lives round the corner from the theatre as a birthday treat. Really sweet and uplifting show. I love Dolly Parton both as a musician and as a person, so it was great fun!

NaBloPoMo 13 rush

I don't work Wednesdays so I can hang out with Phoebe but we spend the day rushing around between the school run and ballet. 

No one tells you how much of you like as a parent is spent as a taxi service and personal assistant. The ferrying about and endless admin. I swear I go to work for a rest! 

Currently chilling for 30 mins whilst Phoebe is in her ballet class. She started in Sept and seems to absolutely love it. She has great rhythm and throws herself into it. 

Tom out to work early this morning, Lydia pleasantly surprised me by coming to wake me fully dressed and ready for school. I could have cried. 

Had enough time to wash my hair before Phoebe got up, but then was scuppered by the bike seat post being done up too tight for me to put it down to my height. Managed to squeak to school between first and second bell, but was very shouty about it. Will need to apologise to Lydia later. 

Then off to swimming with Phoebe, doing some admin whilst I waited. Left bike gear in lockers at pool and nipped into the high street to get the last of the autumn socks and a snack. Some Christmas lights for the bike may have fallen in to my basket too...

Home via a cake delivery to the Diaz' to thank them for picking Lydia up today. Tom's mum is away, so they're kindly getting Lydia so I can take Phoebe to her class as it clashes with school pickup. 

Made Phoebe's traditional Wednesday cheesy pasta and sorted out washing whilst she watched a bit of TV. Then made a new Little Red Riding Hood hair band to replace the one that didn't make it home from Halloween at preschool between putting washing away. 

Quick dash to Phoebe's ballet and here I am. Enjoying eavesdropping on the ballet mum's conversation. Southampton being an international city, you get people from all over, and currently someone from somewhere in the Southern hemisphere, I think somewhere in South America, is comparing Christmas tradition notes with someone from Eastern Europe, saying how much they like British Christmas compared to drinks and BBQs at Christmas!

Early night I think tonight before another jam packed day.

Oh, also have been invited to join a LinkedIn live to talk about my experiences of the confidence training. Feel like an imposter but have agreed to do it to practice my skills!

NaBloPoMo 12 intense

Today has felt injuries throughout. 

Phoebe's turn to be grumpy this morning. Lydia managed to get dressed nicely for a change. 

Did school run and rushed back for early call with IT bods working on new starter to talk digital interpretation.

All my lunchtime calls were cancelled so worked on confidence training and Jan/Feb planning, trying to workout all the deadlines to be able to handover to the new hire. Also had 1:1 with one of my reports 

Fisher up at 3:30 to go school for parenting course. Lots of paperwork and homework to track Lydia's tantrums for the week. I walked Lydia home via chemist to get advice about a rash on her face, whilst Tom walked to get Phoebe. Amazing conversation with Lydia covering the Reformation, Restoration Britain, the British political system, the difference between terrorism and activism, all kicked off by her studying Guy Fawkes Night at school.

Tantrums over bread Vs toast but did cold bits out the fridge for tea, worked well being low key and eating together in kitchen. Ended up playing 90s chub bangers to the kids after an ear worm which they enjoyed. Phoebe trying to copy my hand dancing.

Tantrums at bedtime over Lydia not wanting to wash her poorly hands, but got over them. She went to play quietly with her Lego whilst I convinced Phoebe to do a poo and then got her to sleep. 3 stories later a cup of hot milk and a dark room andi managed it. Tom out to home group, so I then got Lydia to sleep via some school reading and a Thomas story 

Then a couple of hours of catching up with work before bed. I've always done my best work between 8pm and midnight. Imogen Heap playlist on tonight for some uni nostalgia.

NaBloPoMo 11

What a wonderfully clear night.

I love winter nights when it is clear and you can see the stars and everything feels crisp and cold.

If I hear high heels tapping down dark streets I'm transported to the anticipation and promise of going out at a student. 

Extremely busy work day. Lydia had 30 min tantrum over not having right PJ's in evening which was wearing for all of us. 

Very happy to be out dancing at my Ceroc modern jive class this week. One of my new (-ish) dancing friends Peter was back this week, so lovely to catch up with him. It's great this year developing a few dance friendships to pass the time with between dances at class or in freestyles. I was really proud of going to a dance weekend this year on my own, and I think the only thing that could get made it better would have been going in a gang of mates. Going to try and keep being friendly to see if I can build that for myself. 

Was the masterclass with Max Rycroft this week, a champion dancer and great teacher. Really enjoyed the content and it's always fun if Max is taking the class. Even managed a dance with him in freestyle without my nerves getting the better of me and falling over like I normally do if I dance with a teacher. 

I'd love to get some feedback on my dancing and improve even more, but not sure how to do that. With the kids it's hard to get to all the workshops. I'm not interested in competing, just becoming the best I can be and giving the leads I dance with a really enjoyable dance!

I'm also loving what dance has been doing to my body positivity/confidence. I've existed in an increasingly large body as I've aged due to PCOS making losing weight difficult. With jive, it's not a performance and I get to enjoy how my body feels in this conversation of dance. Sometimes lyrical, sometimes sexy, sometimes being silly and having fun. It's also made me want to take better physical care of myself, to wear the clothes that make me feel confident and swish on the dancefloor, to wear the make-up that sparkles and catches the light.

Here I am all sparkly at the dance weekend

NaBloPoMo 10

Neck still oddly  aching, might need a chiropractor appointment.

Both girls slept in a bit, which was good after Lydia's late night on Friday. 

Got up and got Lydia dressed and made the rest of her packed lunch for her dance show. Phoebe very upset at me not taking her with me, bit she was right as rain playing with Tom by the time I got home. Dropped Lydia off at the Thornden Hall in Chandlers Ford, today's show venue and missed about how much better the facilities are in suburban schools. 

Stopped on the way home to pick up some flowers for her as I have a core memory of my granny presenting me with flowers after my first ballet show and being very pleased with myself.

Home to tidy up the dining room for lunch. Eunice and Phil arrived about 11:30 and finished up whilst Tom and I sorted out lunch. Coq au vin and pasta today. Left for the show around 1:15 and got there with plenty of time to find our seats.

Lydia's class on third. She did well, remembered to smile a bit, pointed her toes and didn't freak out when someone was stood on her spot. I barely recognised her when they entered, hair all slicked back in a bun and long legs!

Rest of show pretty good, a number of lads in a few classes and a big number of older dancers which is always nice to see. Think that says a lot about the ethos of a school. 

Big scrum to collect kids after, Lydia chuffed with her flowers and wanted to keep her stage makeup on. Tom was called out for work as the show ended, so dropped us home and went off on his job. He's just text at 8pm to say he's moved on to the second one of the night, but still lots of Christmas money. 

Gave the girls doctored leftovers for dinner and we all watched Strictly. Then a busy bathtime as they want to be in together and now trying to get Phoebe to sleep. Hopefully won't take too long as I will need to listen to Lydia read.

NaBloPoMo 9 angst

Woke up late after my late night to a cup of tea from Tom in the hospital, we got back about 12.30am. Lydia has a small buckle fracture. Going through adult A&E to get to x-ray from Paeds was an eye opener, patients on trolleys lining all the corridors.

Helped kids get dressed and then Tom and I began clearing out Lydia's cuddly toys and books. Kids 'helped' and played around us. Got lunch out when everyone started to get fractious. Post lunch went to go to town to pick up Autumn socks for the god-children and Christmas presents I'd ordered. Bikes weren't charged so Tom and I had a rare arguement about that. When we'd eventually calmed down went and got bus into town instead. 

Spent afternoon in West Quay getting all the bits we needed via a afternoon snack in the John Lewis cafe. They really need to sort the acoustics in there, but my scone was great. 

Home again on the bus, kids loving seeing everything all lit up. Soup for tea then bed for the girls via a quick bit of a disco, Lydia practising her ballet show dance and Phoebe giving it large with a Martha Graham style contemporary number in just her tights 😂

After they were asleep, sorted through house jobs with Tom doing a bit of forward planning and then went to see if I could get the smart bit of the car charger to talk to Tom's app on his phone. Which I was partially successful in doing. 

Had to get up in night to take painkillers because the right side of my neck was hurting. Odd dreams all night about dancing 

NaBloPoMo 1 - 8

 I had a sudden urge to blog, to record the fleeting passing of time, the bittersweet sense of the children getting older and the pang in your chest when you look at videos or photos of them as sweet babes.

And so I logged in to Blogger and suddenly realised it's November and I've missed out on NaBloPoMo already! Even though I can't bring myself to blog often, my life being so boring and insignificant these days and having no time to make anything much, I want to still have this annual snapshot of life floating somewhere in the ether.

Here's what we've been up to so far in November,

Friday 1 November 2024

Was on annual leave as it was half-term, looking after Lydia. Finished packing in the morning to go to Tom's mum's for the weekend. Lots of sorting etc to do. Lydia did actually pack her own stuff which is a big achievement. Drive down a nightmare - my period due, very grumpy with everyone, kids being extremely annoying. Got there in time for afternoon snack having left when Tom got home from work with Phoebe at lunch time. Kids played whilst we chatted with Eunice and Phil. Tom's nephew Rich, wife Clair, and kids Riley and Benji arrived not long after, much catching up. Phoebe wouldn't settle at bedtime, but got there in the end. Lydia kept everyone awake all night coughing.

I always feel massive anxiety going to stay with Tom's parents, that the kids will misbehave and I will be judged on my parenting. Need to work on that.

Saturday 2 November 2024

Went to Sherborne Castle to do their pumpkin trail, had lunch at the garden centre there, then went to Minterne House for their Halloween trail - all very low key, but beautiful grounds. Kids all played really nicely together. Gave our kids early tea to prevent them kicking off, and then they stayed up a little bit to have marshmallows on the firepit and watch some fireworks. Very jolly evening dancing around in the barn with the kids with hotdogs and marshamallows. Took Phoebe off to bed, she's such an amenable little soul, hardly any complaining, and then helped with Lydia's bedtime once she came in. Tom to bed early feeling rough, sat up talking with the other grown ups.

Sunday 3 November 2024

Stayed at Eunice and Phil's until kid bedtime, Rich and Claire left after lunch. All took dogs for a walk round the farm, kids played with the horse jumps for a bit. Our girls rode their bikes on the drive in the afternoon whilst I had a chat with Eunice. Got home about 8:30pm, and unpacked some stuff before bed. Lots of washing to do.

Monday 4 November 2024

Working from home today. Phoebe had 8am docs appointment about lump on her neck, Tom had early start in Poole I think so Lydia in breakfast club, then took Managed to get everyone out the house and where they needed to be on time on their own which feels like such an achievement. Docs think lump is post cold lymph nodes, need to go back in a few weeks again if they've not gone down. Busy day at work as I'm covering the Kent portfolio whilst we recruit a vacancy, working on the Christmas press release and some email marketing. Christmas offers sound lovely. Started Upfront Confidence for Women course too - sounds all a bit intense but making an effort. Went to dance in the evening. Pleasant surprise to see one of my dancing friends Darren there as he doesn't go to the Monday class often. Back to bed about 11.30pm.

Tuesday 5 November 2024

Working from home again, morning a bit rougher today but managed to get everyone out. Budget training, lots of meetings about digital, a team meeting, but felt rough all day with the same cold as Tom and the girls. Kids both a nightmare to get to bed.

Wednesday 6 November 2024

Home with Phoebe today. Took her out for swimming this morning after taking Lydia to school. Took car as feeling rough rather than the bike. She did a great job swimming, she loves it. Then went to get some grocery shopping, managed to get some Christmas presents, and home for cheesy pasta which is Phoebe's favourite. I make it for every Wednesday as she and I are the only people who like it in the house. Tom's mum arrived mid afternoon, and spent some time playing with Phoebe. I had a HUGELY productive day housework wise, got washing on, washing up done, putting shopping away, making lunch and getting dinner ready and so on. Big win for me as I really struggle with getting things done. Tom's mum got Lydia from school and I took Phoebe to ballet on the bike. It's so helpful that she comes to help like this on a Wednesday as Phoebe wouldn't be able to go to ballet without it, as the times don't work out with school pick up. Brought her home and had tea together, then did Phoebe bedtime whilst Eunice did Lydia's. Chatted to Eunice in the evening whilst doing the ironing as I wanted to alter a dress and needed to press it. 

Thursday 7 November 2024

Working from home again, lots of meetings, trying to get content out the door, feeling dreadful, had afternoon nap. Went to bed after kids went to bed. 

Friday 8 November

Working from home again, got Phoebe to bring her clothes up to our room and dressed her from my bed, then went back to bed till it was time to take Lydia to school. Feeling a bit more human today. Worked on forward planning and confidence course today. Wrapped up to take Lydia to swimming, managed to slam her fingers in the car door on the way home, so currently still in A&E at 22:25 having arrived at 19:20 on the advice of NHS 111. We're both bored and tired...

Meaty shell

"I only have one body and one life to live...I don't want to spend it telling myself I should have a different body, because I don't! ...I have to be able to want to make healthy choices for myself...I should do these things because I want to be alive, not to hurt myself for existing as I am. When you want to be anything but you... it's so much harder to justify actually treating yourself as something worth saving. But you are...I hope someday I will believe that more often."

View here: AHH — SORRY FOR THE VERY PERSONAL COMIC!! This is my...

This comic really spoke to me today. I have struggled with my weight and body image since I was a kid. There are times when I have been bigger or smaller, and now I don't actively hate my body anymore. But I am always. ALWAYS. always aware that society thinks my body is too big, and I still feel that nagging sense of shame that I can't seem to lose weight, and perhaps my life would be better if I was smaller.
I am more than the meaty shell of my body, but I *am* also that body. And it's okay.

NaBloPoMo 30 London Baby

Up with Phoebe at about 630am for a short feed and then getting her dressed for nursery. She's just starting to have opinons about clothes which is both cute and annoying. Then went in to wake Lydia about 7am. Tom came down to get her dressed whilst I went to get dressed, with Phoebe being my little shadow and trying to get things out of drawers for me.

Dashed downstairs to leave, Tom taking girls to childcare whilst I went to the Southampton Airport station to get train to London.

Listened to music for once on train and knitted on way there, all cosy in my cocoon coat. Treated myself to a coffee, and then day of team planning, which I think went well but I can never tell.

Home again about 4pm, listened to meditation tracks on way back and had a nap. Probably snored loads, but I don't care.

Made it back home for about 5:30pm, had dinner whilst helping clean Phoebe up from a potty trainin accident and meeting all Lydia's endless food demands. Then did quick bath for Phoebe, and sorted her hair out, then swapped and did Lydia's bedtime. She really didn't want to settle, up and down a few times. 

Evening of admin sorting Tom's passport and driving licence renewals, Christmas food orders and working on my 2021 photo book. I'm very behind with these. 

And that's the end of November for another year.

NaBloPoMo 28-29

Tuesday 28 November

Working from home today. Got extremely frustrated with my slow work computer when trying to edit this reel. Went out at 245pm to pick up Martin from the airport, then carried on working from home until Tom and the girls got back. Played with kids whilst Tom got tea. They were adorably excited to see Martin. Phoebe wanted me to do get bedtime and sing the 'baby Jesus' song again. (Away in a Manger). Had to swap with Tom as she wasn't settling, went in to cuddle with Lydia instead. Then worked on reel all evening, eventually switched to my own faster computer. Came out all right!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by National Trust South East team (@southeastnt)

Wednesday 29 November

Home with kids today. Tom out early for work, morning went pretty ok for once. Phoebe desperate to wear her super sparkly tutu dress again. After school drop off went back home to get Martin and went to Places Leisure in Eastleigh for one of their Crafty Tots sessions. Phoebe mega into it and didn't want to leave. 

Short play in the playground, then off to Smyths Toys in Hedge End and Sainsbury's for Christmas shopping and grocery shopping. Phoebe very excited about everything in the shops, kept her in the trolley to keep her contained. Wanted to hold Martin's hand the whole time too.

Then back to school for pickup with a pit stop for potties and to pick up ballet gear. Got Lydia and went straight over to ballet, stuffing snacks in the kids. Traffic in Southampton has been so terrible, I wanted to try and beat it by going straight there.

Managed to get Lydia in ballet ok, so after another potty stop, walked from Highfield to Portswood with one of the ballet mum friends and Martin and I went in search of hot chocolate whilst she went to shop for advent calendars.

Back in the car for a looooonng journey home, Phoebe feel asleep, disaster! Home for dinner that Tom had cooked in child free peace, then straight in to bedtime and snuggled with Lydia for ages where she couldn't get to sleep.

Downstairs to rewrite school playground equipment grant application and to check emails ahead of day in London tomorrow.

November 22 - 27

 Apologies world, life got away from me!

Wed 22 November

Second day of team conference. Woke up well rested from un broken sleep, had hotel breakfast, spent day listening to some very interesting nature campaigning sessions with Haroon Mota from Muslim Hikers and Tayshan Hayden Smith from Grow2Know. Left a bit early to beat traffic, got home in time for kids bedtime.

Thursday 23 November

Usual day of meetings and then went to my sister's after kids' bedtime to be her body double and help with sorting out my neice's toys. Gots loads done with her, felt really productive.

Friday 24 November

Glorious day for me, usual school run then off to Hinton Ampner to film some video for social media content of their Neverland themed Christmas offer. Absolutely stunning, such a treat.  Even got to have a hot chocolate! Then home to start uploading all the footage. Knocked off in time for Lydia's school Christmas fair - absolute choas and extortion, but she loves it. Took her swimming then home for tea and dancing.

Saturday 25 November

Got kids up and dressed, then off to Robin and Olivia's extension warming party over lunch, Lydia adorable in her Victorian lady crinoline dressing up dress. Then off to kids opera at the Mayflower by the WNO with Ellie, Andy and Aoife. Met Lydia's friend Rosa there, much shenanigans over seating arrangements. Opera good, had some famous pieces and a kids friendly story poking fun at opera tropes. Phoebe quite wiggly, but liked 'the sad lady singing' Walked over to Nandos in Guildhall Square after as it was kids tea time, again chaos but fun.

Sunday 26 November

Quiet day at home sorting out old toys before Christmas, doing the washing and the washing up. My parents popped in for a cuppa on the way home from seeing my Grandparents. Hadn't told Lydia she was very excited to see them.

Monday 27 November

In the Micheldever office today for 1:1 with one of my direct reports, lovely and peaceful. Lots of meetings! Home in time to help with tea, kids went to bed pretty quickly, then had takeaway curry with some mum friends from school.

NaBloPoMo 20 and 21

Monday 20th 

I can't even remember much of what I did today. I think everyone slept in a bit after our late night with friends round for dinner and there was much shouting and gnashing of teeth trying to get out the door. 

Home from the school run via the newly reopened bakery to pick up bread, and then a day of work calls. Also spent a lot of time calling various mental health services to try and work out what other talking therapy I can access which took a lot of my time and energy.

Made roast dinner left overs for kids but neither very interested when they got home from school/nursery.

Had lovely dance party before bed, I love dancing with the girls, trying to find interesting songs for them and messing around. Lydia decided on a new special dance move with Daddy where he swings her between his legs rock and roll style to go with the special one I do with her where I swing her round from one side to the other whilst stepping over her.

Phoebe wanted me to put her to bed tonight, I sang her to sleep to try and avoid feeding to sleep. She asked for the 'jesus song' which means Away in a Manger apparently.

Then off to dancing afterwards. I love going to my Ceroc class. The act of following a lead, concentrating on the moves, takes up all my brain. I can't think about anything else. I live for when a lead gives me the space to breathe into the music, add my styling, take it one step further. I can't wait for Martin to be here so I can dance with a familiar partner and really play and improvise.

Home about 1130, faffed with packing, bed about midnight 

Tuesday 21 November

Phoebe woke up about 3am, wouldn't really go back to sleep, so took her to spare bed. She fed and slept on and off until about 6am. Took her back upstairs to my room and sat her in bed with the Twirlywoos on my phone to occupy her whilst Tom dozed and I showered and got ready to leave. She very sweetly "No want mummy go work, mummy stay in our house" all soft round cheeks and cuddles.

Left to collect my colleague Job from Romsey at 6:35, arrived 7:10, then off cross country to A34 and M4, wanting to avoid the Swindon rush hour. Delightful convo all about her new house purchase. Stopped for breakfast and coffee, arrived at head office about 9am.

All day in Marketing Directorate team day, kind of conference thing. Great to catch up with central colleagues and former regional team alumni and interesting session on being good ancestors thinking about our legacies. Day in opened with fantastic voguing performance from the dancers from the recent NT Space to Have a Ball Outernwt project. 

Spent evening catching up with regional colleagues in a local bar, my team is fully dispersed round region so a real treat to all be in the same location for once.

Back at hotel now, enjoying the freebies with my accidental room upgrade due to the hotel being busy - chocolate bar and cans of Pepsi and posh coffee. Bed soon!

NaBloPoMo 19 - music

Lydia appeared in our bed at some point in the night last night. My back was sore and I couldn't carry her back down and Tom was unwakeable, so I went to sleep in the spare bed instead.

Managed to get a pretty decent amount of sleep in there, and went to help get the kids dressed when Phoebe woke up. 

Did some tidying in our room before breakfast, lots of clean clothes to put away, whilst the girls caused chaos around us. Mainly clip clopping around in my high heels.

Then downstairs for breakfast, and some tidying. Tom started to prep this evening's roast dinner and I took Lydia to the shop for some supplies. She bought some of her pocket money with her and bought a comic. She likes to pay with her cash herself which is sweet 

Tom had an alarm go off at work so he went out to check on that whilst I got Phoebe down for a nap, and got some lunch ready. Lydia was tickled by drinking soup out a mug rather than a bowl and busied herself for the rest of the morning making birthday cards for people.

Once Phoebe was up again, gave her her lunch, and started packing to go out to the Turner Sims Family fun day on the bikes. The Turner Sims is the University of Southampton concert hall. We were meeting one of Lydia's school friends and their family there. They had craft activities and free facepainting, singing workshops and a musical performance from London Rhymes who were very good multi-instrumentalists and singers. I think I will be singing the 'Eight Tickly Tentacles' song as an ear worm for a while!

Quick cycle ride home, Tom on cooking duty whilst I got dining room sorted. Same little friend and parents round for dinner, the older girls disappeared upstairs to play fancy dress whilst Phoebe made friends with the parents. She decided they were her friends and wanted to know if they were coming back when they left! Lovely evening of chatting away. Feels nice and normal to have people round for Sunday dinner again.

They left about 7pm, did a speedy bedtime for the girls before tidying up the kitchen. Lydia fell asleep holding my hand, adorable. Then I wrote the first of the Christmas cards on front of the TV.

NaBloPoMo 18 - birthday

 Up bright an early with the kids this morning. Snuggled up on the lovechair feeding Phoebe and cuddling Lydia whilst looking at cake icing videos to discuss very advanced plans for birthday cakes. So far Lydia wants a Teddy Bear's Picnic at the Seaside theme, and Phoebe wants a 'Red cake' :)

Got them dressed - both selecting party dresses as we were going out for my Dad's birthday today. Lydia wearing one of mine from when I was little. Usual chaos trying to get out the house, but good natured all round. Quite a delayed journey due to going in to town to get a click and collect order of a new raincoat for me, and three potty stops for Phoebe.

Lunch was at the InExcess garden centre at Landford near Salisbury. Very nice cafe, very understaffed. Poor team there, they did a brillant job all things considered and the food was nice. Lovely to spend time with the family. There's 11 of us when we all get together now, with sisters, partners and nieces. My godfather Kelvin, dad's old uni friend joined us too and it was lovely to see him too.

After much walking around the garden centre to entertain Phoebe and chatting and drawing, we went home about 3:30pm and curled up for a bit watching TV before I made a quick pasta dinner.

Went out to babysit for a one of Lydia's little friends tonight whilst her parents went out to a concert, got a lot of online Christmas shopping done. 

NaBloPoMo 17 family

Up early with kids, had fun time playing with them and getting them dressed. So much so thatv it got to 8am and Lydia hadn't had breakfast and I wasn't dressed.b Phoebe took some convincing to wrest her PJ's and dressing firm to nursery as a fundraising thing for Children in Need. Lydia also had non uniform day in exchange for bringing in peizes for the Christmas Fayre next week.

Quick turn around later and it was a fast march to school in the rain, carrying Lydia over a big muddy puddle. Just made it time for the bell. Then big quite at reception to hand over bottles. Lots of jokes that we were actually stocking the bar for the staff Xmas do.

Then home via a peep at the reopened baker at the Triangle, for a morning of NO MEETINGS! Managed to finish a task that had been hanging over me and to run training in the afternoon.

Finished up in time to cook tea and watch Phoebe whilst Tom took Lydia to swimming. My sisters and Aoife arrived for Family Friday dinner and then it was a fun evening of kid chaos and Friday night disco and giving Aoife her second birthday present of a scooter and accessories.

Ellie and Verity stayed until 1030pm having put Aoife to bed earlier, and we had a great chat. Such a good time.

NaBloPoMo 15 16

Wed 15 November

Swimming day with Phoebe today after dropping Lydia off from school. She absolutely loved it and was so keen to keep jumping in off the side. She's turning in to a regular little fish. We stayed for a bit of the stay and play and she took great pleasure in watering my hair.

Home for nap time and and then Tom came to mind Phoebe whilst I went to the doctor's, but turns out I had a telephone appointment! They're finally going to refer me to endocrinology to look at my PCOS etc.

Then off to school to get Lydia and off up to ballet. Bit of stress getting there but managed to have nice coffee with the school mums. 

Whizzed back on the bikes, Tom had made delicious dinner.

Bedtime not too bad, watched some TV and tidied up before my bedtime.

Thursday 16 November

Everyone had a bit of a stressy morning, but got Lydia to school on time. Back to work this morning for meetings. My sister and neice popped in for a cuppa over lunch after their swimming lesson nearby. Then off to hospital for some tests to look at some gastro issues I've been having. 

Whizzed back across the city to get back in time for Lydia's parents evening. I've not cycled so fast for a very long time. But made it with 5 mins to spare. Lydia doing well at school, very proud of her.

Cycled her back, gave the kids cold bits for tea. Bath time then bedtime. Made pasta for tea whilst Tom got Phoebe down, and we're now watching TV. 

NaBloPoMo 13 14 flickers of joy

Monday 13 November

Lydia had an inset day today so we had a relaxed morning bumbling around playing before cycling up to the hospital for her blood test. She was very brave about it, even though she was very scared.

Went into town afterward for well done ice cream and to buy Christmas and birthday presents and autumn socks. She was an absolute star all day and we had such a nice time looking at all the decorations and lights and her playing at being my personal stylist. It was so good to have a good day with her, not a day of shouting.

Home for leftover beef stew and pasta, Tom played trains with the girls before bedtime. He also started bedtime as I went to Phoebe's nursery parents evening. Nursery very happy with her, and say she's very kind and caring towards her friends which is nice to hear.

Ceroc class for me in the evening. They had one of their monthly advanced masterclasses on tonight, which I've always managed to miss before somehow. Really enjoyed it and got to dance with some new people which was great. I'm still a bit rusty, funding it hard to find the cues from the leads sometimes, but it was still absolutely life giving. And makes me want find other dance classes to try. 

Tuesday 14 November.

Phoebe up at 4am, didn't really go back to sleep. Tom Tom over at 6am and I went back to bed until 8am. Rushed to get dressed but got Lydia out of house and to school in time.

Back for a morning of back to back calls, and catching up on emails from being out the office for two days. Then went to town for a cuppa with my friend on my lunch break and then up garage to pick up my car. £500 lighter for a new bit of plastic and a wiring loom for the cruise control and needing to go to a specialist to get it recalibrated, home for more work on summer evaluation before the girls got home.

Savoury pancakes for tea, then bedtime. Seemed to have cracked Phoebe going to bed with no milk, with Tom doing her bedtime and I doing Lydia's. Lydia settled quickly after reading me three stories to get ahead on her reading challenge.

Then back to work for a bit, and tidying up before bed. Just sitting down to chill out for a bit before going to sleep.

NaBloPoMo 10 11 12

First fail of the month.

Friday 10th Nov

Car had airbag warning light comes on last night, so after walking Lydia to school, took car to garage with Tom and he drive me back home. Worked from home in morning, had afternoon off. Got house tidied up for Bradshaw weekend guests coming this evening. Collected Lydia from school with Phoebe as Tom had burnt his hands (not too badly) trying to grease a shredder. (Don't ask.)

John and Adele arrived after kids bedtime with a Vietnamese takeaway, Jess and Andy and kids later still. Evening of wine and chatting.

Saturday 11th Nov.

Up early with kids, Tom went out early to get bread and milk. Much chaos, but all made it out to Milestones museum in Basingstoke for 11am. Kids enamoured with vintage arcade. Dragged them away to get lunch in cafe, Phoebe then getting fractious, so left others in museum and drove her around to get her to sleep. Kids apparently enjoyed 1940s sweet shop. Phoebe very sad on way home, had to bribe her with snacks.

Did firepit, hotdogs and toasted marshmallows for tea, lots of fairy lights and mulled wine. Very festive and jolly including an outside disco with Lydia, Lara, John, Andy and me whilst Tom put Phoebe to bed. Then more wine and chatting whilst Tom made Beef Bourgogne for tomorrow's lunch.

Today 12th November

Phoebe awake at 4am for an hour, always amazed that Lydia doesn't stir when they're in the same room and Phoebe cries. Went back to bed till 9am, Tom up with kids at 6. Much playing all morning from kids whilst chaps typed up their trip a bit more. Took Phoebe up for milk and a nap just before lunch, which was delicious.

Film time after lunch as kids knackered. John and Adele left about 3, then picky bits for tea and then Treharnes went home. 

Watched Diwali fireworks out of loft bedroom windows with Lydia whilst Tom got Phoebe to bed, Tom read Lydia's story and I chilled out in bed. Cut Tom's hair when he was fine with kids, and did a bit of tidying.

Always impressed at how our kids and the Treharne kids just muck on and start playing with each other like they live next door and play together every day rather than living 2 hours away. They're both really sweet about Phoebe wanting to join in.

NaBloPoMo 9 nothing sort of day

Sometimes I marvel at how small my life has become.

Woke up to feed Phoebe about 7, she asked to feed in Mummy's bed which is what she calls the spare bed as we go in there so as not to disturb Tom.

Got her dressed for nursery, Lydia came in to play, they played baby seals really nicely for about 30 mins. A glimpse of the future I hope.

Phoebe off to nursery with Tom. Lydia and got dressed, and ate our pancakes on the way to school as we were running late again. Not too many dramas this morning.

Then home and straight into work. Loads if emails to catch up on, couple of team meetings. An award nomination for regional work awards, that was nice. Too much to do and bit enough time as always.

Stopped at 5pm and started cooking the tea Tom had prepared. Girls came in desperate for me, so fed Phoebe and watched a programme with them whilst snuggling on sofa.

Fajitas for tea, gobbled up by Lydia. Phoebe bit snotty and under the weather so took her up for bath early. Full curly girl hair wash routine for her, then took her for milk. Swapped with Tom so he could read her stories and get her to sleep and went to finish up Lydia's bath.

Managed to get her in bed by pretending she was a big baby. Lots of her threatening me and trying to negotiate but tried to keep it light and plain. She was alseep by 1930. More house tidying to do tonight.

NaBloPoMo 8 - very soggy

Stupidly agreed to walk to school in the pouring rain and to Lydia scooting to school. So off we went togged up in our raincoats, and a bush wee in woods on the way from Phoebe delayed us further. Only just managed to squeak in before the bell.

Went for a very rainy walk around Bitterne precinct with Phoebe to kill time before swimming. She is such a delight at this age, constantly singing and saying hello to people.

She loved her swimming lesson especially jumping in off the side. We stayed for a bit of the stay and play after, mainly her watering me with watering cans but she likes it.

Then she was starving and I wanted to warm up so we went to hide in the Wetherspoons. She wanted milk as she was tired so she fed to sleep and ended up napping on the banquette wrapped in my scarf. Meant I could eat my lunch in peace and she then really enjoyed eating when she woke up. Panini for me and veggie pasta for her. She was really intrigued by the open fire and flirted with all the pensioners having their lunch.

Next we went to the Rhyme Time at Bitterne Library, where Phoebe was a bit braver about joining in with the songs and really loved the craft activity of making a little paper duck. She seems to quite like arts and crafts like Lydia.

Very quick march down the road to collect Lydia from school. Happy to see my mum friends in the playground, feels a bit like being part of a gang now.

Home with a grumpy Lydia despite me stuffing her with snacks. Just about managed to get her out of the door and changed for ballet in time. 

Had coffee with the ballet mums whilst class was on, took 30mins to get home again. Need to cycle next week.

Only managed half my tea as Phoebe very tired and grumpy. Abandoned it to take her upstairs, she fed to sleep, had to try and get her in PJ's without waking her.

Then bedtime with Lydia who was pleased to have mummy and daddy for a change. But stressful but she was also by 745.

Finished my dinner and tidied the house with Tom before 30mins of TV and bed 

NaBloPoMo 7 - inclusivity

Early start for me today as off to hear office for some inclusive leadership training. Lydia still asleep when I left.

Traffic not too bad, arrived with 20min to spare. Trainers very, very good. Lots of inclusive training practices which I want to work into my own work, even little things like acknowledging people's energy levels and saying you don't need permission to take a break at any point.

Training itself well structured and thought provoking, again a few actions I need to take on for my whole team, like all leads doing the inclusive recruitment training as they support with recruitment even if they don't lead it. 

Burrito for lunch with my team members also on course, nice to catch up 

Traffic home pretty bad, had to stop for a coffee as falling asleep at wheel.

Lydia grumpy on my return, as was Tom. Managed to keep bedtime on track, nice reading time with Lydia again, but harder to persuade to go to sleep this evening. Just about to have some cold bits for tea myself, Tom's out at home group.

NaBloPoMo 6 - another boring day

Up early with the kids. Lydia very grumpy, asked Tom to take her to school so we did a kid swap rather than our usual school runs.

Normal working day today at home for me, back to back calls, pretty boring, and long. 

Finished up at 5pm to sort cold bits tea for girls. Again Lydia pretty grumpy but managed to get them all in to bed. Spent nice half hour reading with Lydia.

Then went to Ceroc class in Chandler's Ford. Very good for me to do something that pushes me out of my comfort zone and had a few superb dances amongst lots of good ones. Finding it hard to relax into it and making a fair few mistakes, but only my second class back after a very long break so hoping it will settle soon. 

NaBloPoMo 5 - coming home

Jess and I got up in a leisurely fashion around 8am and I w went to the gym before breakfast. Made the most of having the chance. I've been diagnosed with non alcoholic fatty liver disease, a side effect of PCOS insulin resistance and need to work on staying healthy, easier said than done when you've small kids and work nearly full time.

Met Jess for breakfast, chatting to the restaurant staff, apparently there were only 9 people staying in our hotel that evening.

After going back to the ton to get changed and packed up, drove back to Jess' via garden centre and a farm shop. Picked up a new waterproof coat for me and some Christmas bits for the girls.

Greeted by some very excited to see me kids, which was nice. Stayed at the Treharnes till bed time to give us a chance to get packed up.

Lydia wanted to come with me on the way home, so listened to lots of Cbeebies bedtime stories. Had to charge car on way, ended up in some random car park in Hemel Hempstead as they had rapid chargers.

Home about 1130pm, and to bed, absolutely shattered.

NaBloPoMo 4 - relaxed

Today we woke up about 8am and leisurely meandered to breakfast. There was only one other couple eating breakfast in the huge restaurant space, and some kind of training event setting up the other side of the building. It must be very busy here on a weekday.

Then it was off to the fancier hotel for our spa day. They have a thermal spa suite as well as treatment rooms. We've had a really relaxing day with a hot stone massage and facial, and then floating away in the hydrotherapy pool outside whilst it rained on us, and enjoying the different temperatures of sauna and steam room.

A mezze platter lunch was included, and one of my favourite bits of the day was curling up in an egg chair with my book for an hour.

After floating back to our room to drop off wet cossies, we found a cosy pub for a couple of drinks and a chippy for some substance to take back to our room. We're now relaxing again and settling in for a night of Strictly and sloe port. What an absolute treat.

NaBloPoMo 3 - away away

Man I have such a Moana earworm. 

Day off today for my annual spa weekend with Jess, pay back for Tom and Andy going away with John for their Bradshaw train adventures.

Sheer the school run and loading the dishwasher, drove up to Leighton Buzzard to get Jess. First time doing kinder distance in Tom's electric car, had to stop at Fleet for a top up. His is an older model so range is only 150 miles. Almost felt quite luxurious stopping and having coffee whilst it charged.

Was bit of traffic on M25 but not too bad. Had cup of tea at Jess' before heading off again. We went for lunch in Leighton Buzzard to a very nice Turkish restaurant which had a great fixed price menu. We had falafel, borek, lamb and chicken yogurt beity, baklava, kadayifa and ice cream. It had very dramatic interior design, all black and gold, and the food was really really good! 

After a short mooch around the charity shops we headed off to our location for the weekend, the Wyboston Lakes Resort. This weekend away, rather than doing a full overnight spa package somewhere, we'd gone for a day package somewhere with a thermal spa, and booked our accommodation separately.

This site has three accomodation centres, one aimed at training, one at events, and a more upmarket hotel with the spa. There's also some offices with a co-working space, a leisure centre, something called a knowledge centre, and a water sports centre on site. It's quite pretty with lakes and nature reserves surrounding the mainly 1980s building.

We'd booked to stay in the midrange event centre, but due to low occupancy there, they'd shut that site and moved us to the training centre. I wasn't impressed that they'd not reduced the price as the training centre rooms were a lot cheaper, so I complained and we got given a superior room in the training centre instead.

We checked in about 5pm, and spent the evening chilling, eating our leftovers from lunch, and going for a swim and sauna at the leisure centre. We also walked to the nearby Lidl to pick up some supplies for the evening. It's so nice to be catching up with an old friend.