Thursday, September 29, 2005

Baby knitting.

I'd forgotten how quickly you can knit things for babies. That something you can knit in a few hours can be so satifying.



Baby booties rock.


Any knitted requests out there?

Baby knitting.

I'd forgotten how quickly you can knit things for babies. That something you can knit in a few hours can be so satifying.


Baby booties rock.

Any knitted requests out there?

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Packing

Grr I hate hate hate it!


I'm packing for uni. I have stuff everywhere. And man does it seem like so much stuff. Too much stuff. Stuff everywhere. How many tops/jeans will I need?


I have a room full of things to go with me. Most of it is food that my rents kindly bought me, but it seems a huge amount. I need to put it all in boxes so it looks tidy.


I might not be a tidy person but i like things to look tidy. At least look it.


Hence why I'm squeezing all my clothes into one bag....Help me!

Packing

Grr I hate hate hate it!

I'm packing for uni. I have stuff everywhere. And man does it seem like so much stuff. Too much stuff. Stuff everywhere. How many tops/jeans will I need?

I have a room full of things to go with me. Most of it is food that my rents kindly bought me, but it seems a huge amount. I need to put it all in boxes so it looks tidy.

I might not be a tidy person but i like things to look tidy. At least look it.

Hence why I'm squeezing all my clothes into one bag....Help me!

Monday, September 19, 2005

Pared down blogging.

I write better without the distractions of the full post creating mumbo jumbo. I write better when using the 'blog this' button from the Google Toolbar. Could anyone explain why?



Now then, now then.


I went to an acoustic night last night at Jon's. The A- Foo- Stics were playing, which should give you some idea of the set list. The Foo's held sway and it was heart breakingly beautiful, particularly on 'Best of You' where Jon's voice cracked and he had to laugh and it just made me sad to think that I'm leaving. Especially Lizzy, who's always the side kick in such enterprises. Best woman material no doubt.


I'm happier now about all that. Of course I don't want to leave Rob. In fact I cry a little each time I think about it, but Scott and Lori, bless their cotton socks give me heart. If they can sustain a relationship with oceans in the way, then Rob and I can manage an hour and a half's drive. It will be fine. :)


I've been reading books from my list, half heartedly packing as I hate packing, and finding out all sorts of people I know are going round my way so I won't be lonely. Everyone seem to be afraid I'll turn into a recluse. I'm sure that won't happen, but I'm looking forward to some alone time in a way. Having always lived with lots of people, it'll be nice to have some space that no one can walk into without my key.


Rob went to a JJ72 concert last night and fell in 'love' with their bass player. The fickle man;) Just coz she's hot and in a band. Joking aside they are a great band.


That is it.

Pared down blogging.

I write better without the distractions of the full post creating mumbo jumbo. I write better when using the 'blog this' button from the Google Toolbar. Could anyone explain why?


Now then, now then.

I went to an acoustic night last night at Jon's. The A- Foo- Stics were playing, which should give you some idea of the set list. The Foo's held sway and it was heart breakingly beautiful, particularly on 'Best of You' where Jon's voice cracked and he had to laugh and it just made me sad to think that I'm leaving. Especially Lizzy, who's always the side kick in such enterprises. Best woman material no doubt.

I'm happier now about all that. Of course I don't want to leave Rob. In fact I cry a little each time I think about it, but Scott and Lori, bless their cotton socks give me heart. If they can sustain a relationship with oceans in the way, then Rob and I can manage an hour and a half's drive. It will be fine. :)

I've been reading books from my list, half heartedly packing as I hate packing, and finding out all sorts of people I know are going round my way so I won't be lonely. Everyone seem to be afraid I'll turn into a recluse. I'm sure that won't happen, but I'm looking forward to some alone time in a way. Having always lived with lots of people, it'll be nice to have some space that no one can walk into without my key.

Rob went to a JJ72 concert last night and fell in 'love' with their bass player. The fickle man;) Just coz she's hot and in a band. Joking aside they are a great band.

That is it.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Last night

Gosh almighty!


We had our first band practice for the youth service when I'm being worship leader... it was incredible.


These kids are 12 - 14 and they sound amazing - Rob was excellent getting everyone motiviated and organised, we learnt 2 songs in 2 hours!


I felt proud watching him. This man who I'm going to marry. He's working away at something he's passionate about. Being professional. Teaching these little people big things in a way they can pick up first time round.


I'm happy today.


I want to dance - but i have to go get money out for my driving lesson.

Last night

Gosh almighty!

We had our first band practice for the youth service when I'm being worship leader... it was incredible.

These kids are 12 - 14 and they sound amazing - Rob was excellent getting everyone motiviated and organised, we learnt 2 songs in 2 hours!

I felt proud watching him. This man who I'm going to marry. He's working away at something he's passionate about. Being professional. Teaching these little people big things in a way they can pick up first time round.

I'm happy today.

I want to dance - but i have to go get money out for my driving lesson.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Just writing by

Stream of consciousness mind splut time.


I've finished working. No more money is coming into this account. Things, oh I don't know, things, are pottering by. It is less than a month till I leave for university and I don't want to go.


By that sentence you must have realised that I passed my Alevels. 3 A's and a B. Yadda, yadda, yawn. You know I feel hurt. And lonely. I actually typed lovely first there, But I don't feel that. I've been out of sorts since forever.


I'm pleased I did well and cross at the same time. I don't want to go now at all. I'm scared. Really scared. I've wanted this since I knew what university meant, since I knew what I could achieve.


I screwed up a few weeks ago. I went to a party alone. Rob didn't want to come. For some reason, no good reason, because I could and it was there, I just drank and drank and drank till I blacked out and can't remember what I did. I don't know how I got home. My friends rang to my parents.


And I am so ashamed of it. I can't live with myself. Rob went mental, as he was well within his rights to do so. Fortunately, I did nothing apart from get drunk to shame him also, but I can't live like this. I'm glad I did it here and not there, the horrible there, where anyone could have done anything. He put me on a two week probation which finished at the end of our holiday. I had to show him I was worth his time and effort.


I passed thank God.


I sacrificed my holiday to him, I worked hard to make sure he could see I love him. I bit my tongue. It's been like I've forgotten how to love and feel and be anything good really. So I tried and it worked, there in the cool Irish mists and mountains.


God was there, you know? I've been running so far away from him, desperate to be normal, to have a life. I don't like the plans he has for me and I know inside I have to surrender to them, but I don't want them. I don't want to have to lived here in Wiltshire where all is desolate. I don't want anything but a happy marriage and a house and a dog and a baby. All things I am so unworthy of all things I don't deserve. I am just wrong . Just wrong.


I don't want to go. I'm so scared. I can't talk to anyone about this. Rob just brushes over it, saying it's what you've always wanted. My friends, my so called, say you'll enjoy when you're there. My parents say you can't not go just because it's complicated.


But I feel like I can't cope with all the money things, I feel like I'm going to get into lots and lots of debt. I fell like I won't know what to do or say.


I don't how I'll cope being away from Rob especially when things are all new and growing again.


It will be three years on the 15th. I want another 50, another 100. I'll be 19 soon too. I don't want a party or anything or presents or cake. I just wish everything would become transparent. So I could see through it, so I could understand it.


And not feel like this.

Just writing by

Stream of consciousness mind splut time.

I've finished working. No more money is coming into this account. Things, oh I don't know, things, are pottering by. It is less than a month till I leave for university and I don't want to go.

By that sentence you must have realised that I passed my Alevels. 3 A's and a B. Yadda, yadda, yawn. You know I feel hurt. And lonely. I actually typed lovely first there, But I don't feel that. I've been out of sorts since forever.

I'm pleased I did well and cross at the same time. I don't want to go now at all. I'm scared. Really scared. I've wanted this since I knew what university meant, since I knew what I could achieve.

I screwed up a few weeks ago. I went to a party alone. Rob didn't want to come. For some reason, no good reason, because I could and it was there, I just drank and drank and drank till I blacked out and can't remember what I did. I don't know how I got home. My friends rang to my parents.

And I am so ashamed of it. I can't live with myself. Rob went mental, as he was well within his rights to do so. Fortunately, I did nothing apart from get drunk to shame him also, but I can't live like this. I'm glad I did it here and not there, the horrible there, where anyone could have done anything. He put me on a two week probation which finished at the end of our holiday. I had to show him I was worth his time and effort.

I passed thank God.

I sacrificed my holiday to him, I worked hard to make sure he could see I love him. I bit my tongue. It's been like I've forgotten how to love and feel and be anything good really. So I tried and it worked, there in the cool Irish mists and mountains.

God was there, you know? I've been running so far away from him, desperate to be normal, to have a life. I don't like the plans he has for me and I know inside I have to surrender to them, but I don't want them. I don't want to have to lived here in Wiltshire where all is desolate. I don't want anything but a happy marriage and a house and a dog and a baby. All things I am so unworthy of all things I don't deserve. I am just wrong . Just wrong.

I don't want to go. I'm so scared. I can't talk to anyone about this. Rob just brushes over it, saying it's what you've always wanted. My friends, my so called, say you'll enjoy when you're there. My parents say you can't not go just because it's complicated.

But I feel like I can't cope with all the money things, I feel like I'm going to get into lots and lots of debt. I fell like I won't know what to do or say.

I don't how I'll cope being away from Rob especially when things are all new and growing again.

It will be three years on the 15th. I want another 50, another 100. I'll be 19 soon too. I don't want a party or anything or presents or cake. I just wish everything would become transparent. So I could see through it, so I could understand it.

And not feel like this.