NaBloPoMo 22 - 26

 Fri 22 Nov

Difficult morning getting Lydia out the house, worked from home until school pick up time. Went and got Lydia from school and then drove to Leighton Buzzard to stay with Jess and Andy for the weekend. Everyone tired and grumpy, low point was having an argument with Tom in a lay-by as we tried to wake Phoebe up as sleeping in the car causes bedtime issues. Had Subway for tea in Oxford, everyone a lot happier after that. Arrived at bedtime, Phoebe did not want to go to sleep, spent evening chatting and catching up over wine and chilli with the Treharnes when all the kids finally asleep. Lots of emergency closures at work to sort out because of Storm Bert, am on call this week.

Saturday 23 Nov

Phoebe awake at 5am, managed to get her back to sleep, but she still got up for the day about 630am, waking the house up with her. Tom sorted kids in the morning with Jess, I had lie in until 930am which made me feel more human. Kids played all morning whilst we got dressed and sorted, then went out to Canal Museum at Stoke Bruerne. Very good museum with a kid friendly floor and a grown up floor, and cafe and small shop. Had a good time looking round whilst waiting for John and Adele to arrive. Over the canal for lunch at the Old Boat Inn for very nice pub grub, then a very wet and windy walk. Back home for tea and cake and chatting, buffet of cold bits out the fridge for tea and beige party food - always goes down well with our kids. Adele went home mid afternoon, John stayed the night, so again much catching up and wine after kids all finally asleep.

Sunday 24 Nov

My turn to get up with the kids, but they woke up a bit earlier, much less painful. Lots of lolling around in our pjs breakfasting whilst we waited in turn for the bathrooms, much tea. Once everyone sorted, kids played around adults chatting. Gammon and roast veggies for lunch expertly cooked by Treharnes with Dorset Apple Cake for pudding. Trip to St Barnabas Church for their very sweet Christmas tree festival in afternoon, nice rainy walk to tire everyone out. John off home after this, then another buffet tea and PJs for our girls before we drove home in torrential rain. Big chat with Tom in car on way home about trying to parent better and chill out more.

Monday 25 Nov

Everyone easy enough to get out the house today for a nice change. Day at my desk at home again in back to back meetings, find this frustrating as I don't get the rest of my work done. Stopped work at 5 to sort dinner, had chat with kids about our house rules over food which was semi successful, then went to get dressed for dance. Had crisis of confidence over what to wear, went with clown trousers and baggy top, Lydia joined me to choose my makeup for me and have a chat which is sweet. Dance really good again to tonight, loads of lovely lyrical dances. Home very late, had to have midnight snack as starving.

Tuesday 26 Nov

Needed to shower this morn as had crawled into bed unwashed last night. Managed to keep my cool when came down at 8:20 to find Lydia part dressed when it was time to leave already, got her out the door with minimum fuss. Another day of back to back meetings and not feeling like I'm getting anywhere. Meeting at school for the parenting course. Found it really hard today, felt like it was all  my fault the kids misbehave and I'm a bad parent which coloured the rest of the evening.  Makes me feel like I have to be strict and hold boundaries whatever, rather than going with my instincts and flexing to make life work for us, the exact opposite of other parenting books I've read. Not sure what to do about it.

Tried having 10 mins with Phoebe 'special time' as per the course whilst Lydia did same with Tom, went OK. Bedtime difficult, Phoebe on one. Had a parenting low moment shouting at Phoebe and trying to hold her in the bed where she just wouldn't stay in bed and Tom had to tag me out. Spent most of evening crying in bed and being angry about how I'm a bad parent who can't do the simplest things and why don't I enjoy parenting like other people seem to. It all feels very hard. Tom being very nice to me and bringing me tea and chocolate. Have had realisation that my period is due tomorrow and I'm often struggling at this point in my cycle. Good knowledge for next month.