Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Lost

I can barely remember what happened today. I slept in I guess, and Tom gave me a lift to my lecture, in which I sat trying not to cry because the lecturer was asking me about my future plans I didn't know what to say. I went home, tried to read, knowing a course mate needed the book, sat there cursing because he's writing on the same topic as me and will do it better. I went to Tom's to eat and was so spaced out I poured hot water into the jar of hot chocolate instead of the mug, and burst into tears in the living room afterwards because I felt so stupid, and inadequate for being so stupid and because Tom told me to be more careful. I spent the evening crying into Tom's chest.

I'm so not ok. I thought I was getting better, but I'm not. This Alex is doing no work, is trying to make excuses as to not go to lectures, is tired all the time, is weary of the world and doesn't want to do anything.

I want old Alex back. Please?

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