I've just spent the last hour or so eavesdropping. My eavesdropping habit probably deserves a post of its own but I shall ignore it for now. I was listening to two colleagues, ladies 45+, well dressed, sucessful looking, who were catching up. Gradually the conversation turned to their ex-husbands, as both were divorcees.
What struck me, what hit me hard, was the way both had remained in relationships with men for many years had bullied them. Where they were afraid to have an opinion, and found themselves doing things that they really did not want to because it was easier than fighting.
It was the little irksome things. Putting a teapot upside down to dry, a toothbrush in the right place. These everyday things were the proverbial 'straws' that damaged the camel spine of their relationship. The real malignant hurt had already been done over the years.
I know that this applies to both sexes. One partner is often dominant in a relationship. However, such controlling behaviour, such bullying behaviour is unacceptable. These women are adults with choices, and whilst they choose to enter these realtionships, they felt like they had lost the right to even decide what clothes to wear, or whether they should go out for a works do.
I know that I am easily led, that my head is turned easily. I know I could easily be one of those women, or worse a woman who was not brave enough to ultimately end a bad relationship, or even a woman who justifies being physically abused as a way of a man showing he cares. Women look for security, and I found a quote somewhere that I will paraphrase now. For a woman love is her whole, for a man it is a but a part. Relationship so easily consume us and find us willing to change, to give up being ourselves in order to prolong them.
Hopefully in future I can use these women as anti - role models, and watch myself closely. We should remain individuals and equals in a partnership. Quite often it is our individuality that made us attractive in the first place.
I know I'm completely mad. Being like this makes me happy. So I'll carry on this way.