Thursday, November 04, 2004

I'm ready for my close up.

Been knitting and crocheting far too much, so much so that's I'm neglecting my work.
Current work load.

  • French Detailed Cwk Plan in French
  • Dance Essay
  • French Pros and Cons on Cloning
  • History Notes
  • Art Cels
  • Art Paintings
  • Art Essay

That helped alot. Some times it's good just to write it all down.

Tonight I have to speak at a parents evening as Head Girl. I'm not nervous, just hoping and praying that what I say is going to be relevent. I got the position on the strength of my public speaking ability so I'm just going to have to hope it actually shows up. Oh it will. I've given sermons, I've won comps. I just have to big and brave and get on with it.

Half term was ace, especially because of the extra days we had at the start, 10 days instead of 7. I did work, I knitted, and I rested. I needed a rest to get my brain back in gear. It was nice to see Rob somuch too. His freshly decorated room looks amazing now. The purple is more purple than I imagined, yet really works with the red. Sometimes all it needs iss a contrasting colour.

My UCAS form has been sent off, and I've had an email from the University of Bristol saying that they've recieved my appplication. I'm starting to feel nervous now about going. It's the money issue. I really don't want to get into debt. I also feel weird about being away from Rob. It's going to be a real test to our relationship. Though I'd prefer not to go and get married like NOW! but I know that's not possible feasible or even right as it's just me being selfish. Though I feel selfish for putting so much strain on Rob for going. I know I have to go. Ugh.

And to be honest my life is not even complicated. I'm living in a country where I enjoy freedom, health and no fear for my life. I do not go hungry. My salvation is assured.

Or is it? I'm failing so much at the moment sometimes I wonder if I've turned away almost completely. I feel hypocritical singing hymns in church, I cannot reconcile my self to the arguments going on in my head. Why do we disregard some bits of scripture and adher to others so completely?

IF pre destination is right, Did God intend the world to be so awful as it is today?

Why does doctrine cloud my mind, why does the Word make no sense?


Anonymous said...

Hey, heres ur mesh - your profile and entries are ooh, well intriging alex! interesting, keep ya entries up, s'all gud ;) xx bex xx

.:petal:. said...

Hunny you cant be failing that much....what on earth could you have possibly done for that to happen? Nothing you coulda done would cause anything that terrible to happen [unless you killed someone then maybe it might change!] as you aint done that [i hope] then ah ha....see youre just fine so stop worrying okay *huggles* Take care sweetie. Love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx