Tuesday, February 01, 2005

I'm moved

Listening to Konstantine - Something Corporate and crying my eyes out with happiness and sheer sadness.

It's moved me in an unknown way. I had an overwhelming desire to tell Rob how much i care for him, to show him that I'm so happy. I really really love him.

Today has been interesting. I went trampolining. I love that feel of freedom, of being in mid air.

I saw two yellow peugeots parked next to each other.

I observed what it's like to be totally smitten.

I'm so happy.

Self esteem = Success
--------
Expectation

I lowered my expectations and now i'm so much happier. I don't need to go to oxford to be happy. I don't need to get a phd to be happy. Can you aspire to mediocracy? In a meritocracy? Alain de Bottan is right. A rigid class system can leave people happier.

And somehow I know what my place should be.


:-)


3 comments:

.:petal:. said...

I realy am glad youre happier hunny but please dont give up your whole lives dreams now. Youve acheieved so much in your life already that it would be a tragedy to not get all those things youve always wanted. I wont claim to know you that well, cos I dont. But I love you to pieces. Youre a good friend to me and I want to make sure you are happy in the long term. Its okay not to have the demandingly high expections that maybe you once did but please dont settle for less than you deserve and are worth. Keep aiming high and striving for success cos you have it in you. Dont let go of that *huge hugs* Love you. Fran xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Alex said...

IS it wrong there for for me to aspire to something different? Surely it is the easy way out for me to achieve in an academic sense, and of course, my work ethic will not let me fail in upon that account. I know I can suceed in that field, I was blessed that way. But it is going to be far harder for me to be a good wife and a good mother, far more a of a challenge, and I think that I will have achieved more by becoming those.

.:petal:. said...

Calm down Alex. I meant in all things. I worry about you. Im glad your happy but I wanted to air my concern. Take it easy! Love ya xx