And inside the small girl cries.
A week of things that I can't yet write. But we shall see.
I've started my driving lessons. Half the time I forget that I've never done this before, and then the rest? Well I sit there, arms tense beneath long sleeves trying to leave dents in the steering wheel with my thumbs. I nearly ran over a suicidal pheasant today. A Buzzard nearly flew in to my car. I can use third gear. I stop too soon at junctions.
I do feel free though. I know enough now that if I needed to run away, to go, I could steal a car and I'd know enough to comfortably cruise at 40mph whatever the speed limit like my Dad. Gear changing is instinctive, which scares me somewhat.
This week a head filling cold as filled my life with mucus, but it hasn't been that bad.
I stayed at Lizzy's on Sunday night. Some how it's good to find a girly friend to whom I don't have to explain poetry, or someone who feels okay to be quiet with me or cry at the sad bits without laughing. And there were plenty of sad bits in '100 greatest tearjerkers' on Channel 4 so we cried together. And it was grand.
Monday we got up early to go to a rehearsal at school that I left considerably early due to my ill health. Busy appears to be falling slowly and perftly apart with les than a month before curtain up. Still, the dancers will be perfect. Brew will expect nothing less so we, again may rescue the show.
Rob came over that after noon and we lay together on my floor, talking, holding each other, whilst he tried to convince me to stay at home. But I refused. After all it was Valentines day and he'd booked a table at a Chinese Restaurant in his home town. According to a newpaper article one of the most unromantic places to take a Valentine, but for us it was wonderful. Afterall it is the people around you, the atmosphere of a place and your own attitudes that define a romantic evening, and we can make going bowling or to KFC romantic, so we had a wonderful time.
We ordered a set menu and were greeted by a feast. A plate of little starters, like spring rolls, crispy seaweed, prawn seasame toasts, and spare ribs, then crispy aromatic duck with panckes and hoisin sauce. Then came rice with stir fried vegetables and sweet anf sour chicken. For me owever the piece de resistance was beef in a spicy black bean sauce that came to table very nearly done but was then poured onto a hot-stone platter and sizzled it's final chemical changes in front of us. Pure theatre and delicious to boot. I rounded the meal off with a deep fried ice cream, rather in the Baked Alaska line, replacing meringue with a batter made from egg whites and dessicated coconut. Hot on the outside, cool on the inside and a fitting end to a beautiful evening. What we said to each other doesn't matter. He made me happy.
Rob stayed in our front room that night and on Tuesday we spent the whole day together, playing talking, and watching films. I was too ill to go into school to do art see and so Rob looked after me like any good future husband would. He then took me into town so we could buy ingredients for the evenings entertainment.
The dinner party was a great sucess. Kudos to Lizzy for providing the house for the venue. 6 people, Nachos, Bacon and Kiwi salad, Smoked Salmon and Cream Cheese parcels, Lasagne, Garlic Bread, Salad, were followed by a culinary triumph. Meringue Swans. [JON they were great]
Then came an abandoned game of Trivial Persuit, a half watched dvd of Wimbeldon, and Chocolate Fondue, Strawberries and Milkyway Buttons at 12:30am. We talked, we laughed, we swapped jokes. We teased Sam for patronising Sarah's efforts to serve the lasagne. Then we slept.
The morning brought dreary faces, and bacon sarnies. Rob and I managed to skip the cleaning with guilty conciences as he whisked me off to my departmental open day at Southampton Uni. We atelunch there bit only stopped for the talk. I wasn't well, and couldn't face walking around things I'd explored for myself the last open day. We missed the turnings on the way home for Rob to stop and buy his game in Southampton, and then Salisbury doesn't have a HMV as we found, having to pay 90p's parking for the privilage.
He left me at home and Thursday brought me in bed for most of the day feeling poorly. I worked in the evening thinking hard about work and nothing else and surprisingly the time flew by. Which reminds me I have to pick up my wage slip.
Friday Rob surprised me and took me to Bath on the spur of the moment. He bought his game and I bought a beautiful skirt. I bought Aloe flabour vaseline for my chapped lips. We ate KFC in the car park. It was grand. Then I went to his house, and knitted a bit whilst he played his game and we played it, and we cooked spagetti before going to music practice. Which was joke as we couln't get in for ages.
A rite of passage has been marked in our house. My biggest littel sister, Ellie, got her first pair of pointe shoes, [toe shoes] So last night saw me teaching her how to balance, all week I've been darning the toes of her shoes, as she can't do it, though she sewed the ribbons on herself. She's got that feeling of beinga real ballet dancer now. How she'll grow to love those shoes as they mark her feet, scar her, and cause toenails to fall off. Because when she sees herself in a mirror or on film, she won't see the blood or blisters, she'll see the make believe effortlessness of a corru across the floor and that will mkae it worth it.