Thursday, June 28, 2007

Waiting to Go

She sits on a cold metal bench, her shoe slipping on and off the heel of the foot that dangles from one crossed leg. On, off, on, off in time to the beat of the tinny buzz emanating from her earphones. Eye closed and head back, the world is orange psychadelia behind her eyelids.

"Stand well away from the platform edge. The next train is not scheduled to stop at this station." She doesn't move.

On the train she avoids catching the eye of the other passengers. She does not want to meet anyone's gaze. Instead as she passes each white station she counts the points of the lacy wooden edges till they are replace by water. Then she counts boats, contrasting flashing waves with white hulls. If you can't see them, they can't see you.

"Change here for services to Portsmouth and Worthing" She flinches.

Small talk comes easily. As long as her mind keeps ticking over, isn't left alone, she copes. The buzz of computers and the clatter of fingers on keyboards are welcoming static. Making friends as easily as she looses them.

"Good afternoon, how can I help you?" Her eyes don't move.

Trying not to sing out loud as she walks home, she knows people are looking. She can't help it. Don't look down the road, don't look down the road. Flashbacks and flashforwards. Leaving home mere seconds after entering it. Trying to fill the gaps with song and dance.

"It's complicated... this time, I think it could be.Triangulated, it could be just what we need...So what you say... we give it up and walk away? Nothing to salvage, anyway." She changes the song. Grins to herself and clips her heels and really dances.

"Why d'ya have to be so cute? It's impossible to ignore you Must you make me laugh so much It's bad enough we get along so well Say goodnight and go"

My makeup may be flaking eh T?

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