Well today I bucked my ideas up and did some work. Jessica kindly tested me on my revision whilst we were picnicking in the chaplaincy garden. The same garden that gets turned into a car park tomorrow.
It was a glorious day today. I lay in the sunshine looking at the clouds and now I'm all freckley. (Should that be freckly?)
I'm so cross with myself for moping for a week and thus not doing my usual amount of revision. Instead I have concentrated on three topics I feel confident with, and tried to include as much detail as possible. I shall read over them a few times tonight and tomorrow and hopefully I will not have sabotaged myself too much. The exam is tomorrow afternoon.
My course is my thing, and as much as I have been taken aback by my depression this term and then Chris and I splitting up, I should have thrown myself into my work. I need good marks to get anywhere, and if I do flunk this exam it will entirely be my fault. It will also make me work especially hard next year. I hate failing at anything. I don't have any reason to feel down apart from not doing myself justice. Of course I was sad Chris didn't want to be my bf anymore, but I had a fab time being with him and don't regret it at all, except that I made him miserable with my miserableness. The depression is something I need to work on so it stops affecting my work and personal life. As the anonymous but fairly wise commenter on the last few posts has said, I can't dwell in the fact I feel shit right now. There are things that need to be getting on with, sorting out my future being an important one.
I've been looking into my postgrad options. A straight history degree is pretty rubbish employment prospects wise no matter what the Uni tell you. I was considering a straight history MA, leading to a Phd and then a life of academia. However I do have a crafty practical vein to me, and I think I'd be happier doing something that uses those skills too. Right now its a toss up between an MA in Museum Studies/Curatorship, or further training looking into an Msc in Conservation of Artefacts. Now none of these guarentee me a job, and the Museums Association say most people are far better off getting their PGCE's, accounting or marketing qualifications and serving museums in those ways. However, I'm hoping I might just be one of those people who are especially suited to museum work. The work experience at the beginning of July will help find that out.