Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Rantage and falling leaves
I hate it when you look forward to something, but you know inside, if you're really honest with yourself, that its just not going to happen. But then your optimistic side jumps in and goes "Stop being silly and pessimistic, it might happen". Then for a while, you believe optimistic you, and dare to hope and start thinking that something is happenning.
Because when you get to that stage, it never happens.
I think its best if from now on I expect nothing but disappointment. That way I won't feel so angry when whatever it is I've looked forward to doesn't happen.
On a lighter note, I played Photographer for the Chaplain's charity event today. Whilst he gamed amusingly with GameSoc and indulged in some light dramatics, as fittingly a very sane priest character in the game, I took photos and added stupid comments.
I also took pictures of Autumn leaves on my walk down to the campus. Autumn is late this year, removing my hope of a white Christmas, but making me happy nonetheless. Crunchy leaves bring out the child in me that is rarely far from the surface, and I love to bask in their yellow glow. It's as if the sunshine has fallen to the ground in leaf form. Leaves like this make me remember walks home from school, collecting sycamore keys to play helicopters that we threw over the bannisters when I was little. Or walks home from sixth form when we were let out earlier and I knew I'd come home to an empty house and have my half hour of peace before the family decended. Those days I'd pick up the prettiest leaves and twiddle them between my fingers as I hurried along.
I've been feeling out of sorts again lately. Perhaps I've not stopped to pick up enough leaves.