Thursday, May 17, 2007

All good things must come to an end.

Another ending


Its always this time of year. Chris just ended our realtionship. After we'd been to the gym together. I asked if he'd been being solitary becasue he'd been stressed with his work or for another reason. He said he didn't look forward to spending time with me anymore because I made him miserable, felt that I needed someone who could understand my huge outpourings of emotion, and because I was selfish in the relationship and not supportive enough of him when he had problems even though he had dealt with all mine.

I was good. Considering I thought everything was great, was loving being with him and enjoying every minute, I was shocked. I didn't cry, I calmly asked if we could try and sort it out, why he'd not told me earlier so I could try and sort things then, and asked if we could try again after the exams when we have more time to do fun and enjoyable stuff together. He said I'd be hiding bits of myself rather than being myself if I tried to change, and just wanted to be free. I collected my things from his house. Laughed and joked about it. Asked if we could be friends becasue I still want him in my life. Told his housemates it was over.

Then I sobbed all the way home.

I feel like I've been lied to all this time. But I want him to be happy, and if not being my boyfriend will make him happy, then its more loving to let him go than to try and keep him. I really hope we can be friends in the future, because I really do care about him. Really care. Besides he's great fun.

It was always going to be too good to be true. I don't regret it at all. He was so gorgeous and out of my league. I was always going to drive him mad with my neediness. He was always going to be too emotionally detached for some one like me.

7 comments:

Yellow said...

A doors for walking through and windows for looking through...

The future is for getting on with

I'm talking shite again...?

thought so

Andy said...

I often find that what seem like endings now will be looked back on as beginnings. So as your blog hit counter adds another digit to itself and enters an exciting new world of numbers, so too will you enter a new chapter full of exciting possibilities.

(Note to Yellow: See, I can easily talk more shite than you :-) Plus, I tend to walk through the door frame rather than the actual door.)

Sam said...

Sorry to hear things aren't the best at the moment. Don't be shy about talking with someone!

Anonymous said...

Honestly I think your both better off this way. It often seemed like relationship of circumstances for you both and I think you both could find someone more compatible.

Alex said...

anonymous, please email me as you seem to know the situation and i'd like to talk more.

Anonymous said...

Your a good person when you stop trying to be who people want you to be, with all the lies and the bullshit and just be yourself.
Stop trying to impress everyone (its more counter-productive than you can know) and be who your friends already love.

Hannah said...

I love you as you are :D xxx