In this moment we were infinite

Go to PostSecret and scroll down for my title explanation.

One of those days oh it really was.

I got up late, having got in at 2am after fun and frolics at the Hobbit with my friends. Part of me worries because I only have two really close friends at Uni, Amy and Chris, and I feel I ought to widen my circle more. Cecil, that mean you - :) - but hopefully living otgether next year will give me that chance. The need for widen the circle more was painfully obvious in the sheer rage and I was angry, but more than that I was hurting I felt before going out when the Chris' plural nearly ducked out with coming out with Amy and I. Having been trapped in a room for most of the day all I wanted was to be out. More than that I wanted tobe out with my friends, friends who I care about and who I hope care about me and have a good time and feel normal in my skin for a bit not some half assed historian who has 500 half assed words on an essay that is due in on tuesday.

The getting up late was compounded by a strange sharp stomach ache, which is still bothering me now. I thought right, a Nurofen will help me. I took one. Oh why oh why did I not reach for the paracetamol. I sailed out the door on my way to the station gleefully and said goodbye to Chris who was also supposed to be going home. [Whether he did or not is another matter] There was a bus waiting for me at the bus stop and all seemed ok. But then as we sailed around the corner at Portswood junction, the pain got worse and worse. Bile rose in my mouth, and the crunch came when a woman sat next to me who reeked of cigarette smoke and bad cheap perfume. The smell lead to a mouthful of vomit that I dutifully swallowed down in confusion.

The next bus stop was another matter. I leapt off, probably kicking the poor smelly woman in the process, scared the couple sitting opposite me and stumbled into the carpark of Blockbuster. Their bins were too high. Damn. So I flail my way to the gates of the Morrisona carpark and I can hold it no longer. I was brought to my lowest moment. Ibuprofen on an empty stomach induces vomiting, and there is a mercifully small splatter of my last meal under the gate to prove it. I must use this opportunity to thank the darling of a little old lady who rushed over and offered me a tissue. I have never been so embarrassed in my life, and as always it was my own fault. Read labels Alex, even when in a rush.

I then had to wait 40 mins for another bus, meaning I missed my train. So there I was. Miserable, ill and wafting a bile - esue odour wishing of all things that I was on the train home. When I finally reached the station, the train was only 5 mins away and I managed to get two seats to myself. I sobbed down the phone to Rob and buried my head in the metaphysical landscape that the music on the mp3 player creates.

Things were decidedly better this afternoon, as I crafted the aforementioned 500 words, slept, read and chatted.

Sometimes its nice to have a real talk. I miss talking to people in depth.I miss talking to Chris the most.

And now after watching Eurovision and cheering on the Finns, a one sided tiff with Rob and strange making up, I am in bed, having tried to write some more words and failed. But these words are here and Tomorrow will be better than today.

In this moment we were infinite

Go to PostSecret and scroll down for my title explanation.

One of those days oh it really was.

I got up late, having got in at 2am after fun and frolics at the Hobbit with my friends. Part of me worries because I only have two really close friends at Uni, Amy and Chris, and I feel I ought to widen my circle more. Cecil, that mean you - :) - but hopefully living otgether next year will give me that chance. The need for widen the circle more was painfully obvious in the sheer rage and I was angry, but more than that I was hurting I felt before going out when the Chris' plural nearly ducked out with coming out with Amy and I. Having been trapped in a room for most of the day all I wanted was to be out. More than that I wanted tobe out with my friends, friends who I care about and who I hope care about me and have a good time and feel normal in my skin for a bit not some half assed historian who has 500 half assed words on an essay that is due in on tuesday.

The getting up late was compounded by a strange sharp stomach ache, which is still bothering me now. I thought right, a Nurofen will help me. I took one. Oh why oh why did I not reach for the paracetamol. I sailed out the door on my way to the station gleefully and said goodbye to Chris who was also supposed to be going home. [Whether he did or not is another matter] There was a bus waiting for me at the bus stop and all seemed ok. But then as we sailed around the corner at Portswood junction, the pain got worse and worse. Bile rose in my mouth, and the crunch came when a woman sat next to me who reeked of cigarette smoke and bad cheap perfume. The smell lead to a mouthful of vomit that I dutifully swallowed down in confusion.

The next bus stop was another matter. I leapt off, probably kicking the poor smelly woman in the process, scared the couple sitting opposite me and stumbled into the carpark of Blockbuster. Their bins were too high. Damn. So I flail my way to the gates of the Morrisona carpark and I can hold it no longer. I was brought to my lowest moment. Ibuprofen on an empty stomach induces vomiting, and there is a mercifully small splatter of my last meal under the gate to prove it. I must use this opportunity to thank the darling of a little old lady who rushed over and offered me a tissue. I have never been so embarrassed in my life, and as always it was my own fault. Read labels Alex, even when in a rush.

I then had to wait 40 mins for another bus, meaning I missed my train. So there I was. Miserable, ill and wafting a bile - esue odour wishing of all things that I was on the train home. When I finally reached the station, the train was only 5 mins away and I managed to get two seats to myself. I sobbed down the phone to Rob and buried my head in the metaphysical landscape that the music on the mp3 player creates.

Things were decidedly better this afternoon, as I crafted the aforementioned 500 words, slept, read and chatted.

Sometimes its nice to have a real talk. I miss talking to people in depth.I miss talking to Chris the most.

And now after watching Eurovision and cheering on the Finns, a one sided tiff with Rob and strange making up, I am in bed, having tried to write some more words and failed. But these words are here and Tomorrow will be better than today.

Broody

Now I'm supposed to be writing about the pitfalls of teleological history. This needs to be put out somewhere and I guess a blog is as good a place as any. No one I have to speak to here at uni quite understands, and I guess I'm just in a very different place to most of the world.

A friend of mine just had premature twins. The situation behind the births is not mine to discuss. I logged on to opendiary the other day to read her update on how they were getting on and was hit by a wave of overwhelming love and what can only be described as broodiness. Even tough Fran is having to cope with such a hard and difficult situation, she has taken to mothering like a duck to water, and it was just so affirming and beautiful to read of how she loves her little boys.

The last few months I have really felt that there is this huge resevoir of love in me. It's a deep ache, an unfufilled desire in my system, that I know only holding my child in my arms will sate. No amount of pseudo mothering my friends or the loved ones in my life will compensate for that heady mix of sheer joy and fear in knowing you had a part in creating another human and they are yours to love and cherish and nurture and teach and - simply - enjoy.

Please God let children be part of my life. And if you're especially listening, let them be my own children.

I had an amazing childhood, filled with trips to woods where Mum and I would make fairy houses out of twigs. Our family has strange customs and traditions, like us all having to stir the Christmas pudding mixture before its but in the pudding bowls for steaming and make a wish. There is always something going on at home, things to craft and make from models of Pickfords lorries to paper sculptures of matadors. I really hope that my children will have the similar sort of uncommon childhood I had.

I want to feel the pride of watching them learn to read, and taking them to the library and delight in their enthusiasm for the new and the unknown.

I want to swaddle them in clothes and blankets I knit to at first my and then their specifications.

I want to be mother. It is what I was created to be.

Broody

Now I'm supposed to be writing about the pitfalls of teleological history. This needs to be put out somewhere and I guess a blog is as good a place as any. No one I have to speak to here at uni quite understands, and I guess I'm just in a very different place to most of the world.

A friend of mine just had premature twins. The situation behind the births is not mine to discuss. I logged on to opendiary the other day to read her update on how they were getting on and was hit by a wave of overwhelming love and what can only be described as broodiness. Even tough Fran is having to cope with such a hard and difficult situation, she has taken to mothering like a duck to water, and it was just so affirming and beautiful to read of how she loves her little boys.

The last few months I have really felt that there is this huge resevoir of love in me. It's a deep ache, an unfufilled desire in my system, that I know only holding my child in my arms will sate. No amount of pseudo mothering my friends or the loved ones in my life will compensate for that heady mix of sheer joy and fear in knowing you had a part in creating another human and they are yours to love and cherish and nurture and teach and - simply - enjoy.

Please God let children be part of my life. And if you're especially listening, let them be my own children.

I had an amazing childhood, filled with trips to woods where Mum and I would make fairy houses out of twigs. Our family has strange customs and traditions, like us all having to stir the Christmas pudding mixture before its but in the pudding bowls for steaming and make a wish. There is always something going on at home, things to craft and make from models of Pickfords lorries to paper sculptures of matadors. I really hope that my children will have the similar sort of uncommon childhood I had.

I want to feel the pride of watching them learn to read, and taking them to the library and delight in their enthusiasm for the new and the unknown.

I want to swaddle them in clothes and blankets I knit to at first my and then their specifications.

I want to be mother. It is what I was created to be.

Halb - Blah backward

I jumped out of bed today at 7am, and knocked on Chris' door to make sure he got up for a doctors appointment, and good thing too since it seemed his alarm didn't go off. I can actually hear it through the wall somtimes. After that I got dressed, grabbed the bag of things I had prepared last night and headed out the house.

I was swimming in the granny lane of the uni swimming pool by 815am. Impressed? I was. The bus ride down was nice as it was sunny and early so no one was really about. The pool though, was busier than I thought it would be. My swimming skills are severely lacking, and I am more unfit than I thought. But I've decided to make Friday morning my swimming day as its a day off from lectures. I really want to get fit.

A little light shopping followed, resulting in me buying nice wholegrain granary bread and a copy of the Times. I was pleasantly surprised that it only cost me 20p! Bargain!

I have admit that upon returning home I napped. I have been feeling light headed and dizzy all day, I think the heat is getting to me. didn't help tht I spent a hot [but very enjoyable] hour or so studying and reading and doing the crossword with Amy and her new fella.

The rest of the day I read and napped alternately and ate ice lollies in a bid to keep cool.

Rob is here now and we're off to the Hobbit, to see a band I've seen before an enjoyed, loopy.

Halb - Blah backward

I jumped out of bed today at 7am, and knocked on Chris' door to make sure he got up for a doctors appointment, and good thing too since it seemed his alarm didn't go off. I can actually hear it through the wall somtimes. After that I got dressed, grabbed the bag of things I had prepared last night and headed out the house.

I was swimming in the granny lane of the uni swimming pool by 815am. Impressed? I was. The bus ride down was nice as it was sunny and early so no one was really about. The pool though, was busier than I thought it would be. My swimming skills are severely lacking, and I am more unfit than I thought. But I've decided to make Friday morning my swimming day as its a day off from lectures. I really want to get fit.

A little light shopping followed, resulting in me buying nice wholegrain granary bread and a copy of the Times. I was pleasantly surprised that it only cost me 20p! Bargain!

I have admit that upon returning home I napped. I have been feeling light headed and dizzy all day, I think the heat is getting to me. didn't help tht I spent a hot [but very enjoyable] hour or so studying and reading and doing the crossword with Amy and her new fella.

The rest of the day I read and napped alternately and ate ice lollies in a bid to keep cool.

Rob is here now and we're off to the Hobbit, to see a band I've seen before an enjoyed, loopy.

Today or Yesterday depending if you've slept....

Today I jumped rather uncermoniously out of bed at 7am, ran off to the loo then jumped back in bed till 8am. Today was one of the glorious days where there are no lectures till 11am so I afforded myself the luxury of an hour more of heaven. When I did finally get up I had the pleasure of trying to find something delicious to wear as there was a bright bright sun in the sky! I settled on a denim mini dress with spaghetti straps and a white crossover cropped t - shirt to protect my whiter than white shoulders.

When I had finished my bus ride and walk combo to the Arts campus, I realised I had powerwalked it and managed to arrive ten mins early, so treated my self to dinky bowl of salad and a bottle of Coke and Lime. [PUT THE LIME IN THE COKE YOU NUT! ;-)] The salad bowl included coleslaw, my favourite, and a greek style salad of black olives, feta esque cheese which was too squidgy to be proper feta, red onions, tomatoes and lettuce. I topped this with three melon balls for a random sweet contrast because I'm random.

My seminar today was on History and Film, and I managed to blag my way through it as unfortunately, everytime I'd gone to watch the set films, only the feature film, Elizabeth was in, not the documentary Elizabeth by David Starkey. My group were set the questions on the feature film to discuss, and we did eventually. To be perfectly honest the group were hopeless. Two of the girls appeared to know each other well, thus excluding me and the other guy, let me get on with discussing our answers with the seminar tutor, and then nominated me the speaker for the presentation. I flatly refused to do it alone as this was groupwork, and so was cut off everytime I tried to speak during our presentation. The rest of the seminar became a discussion on the current and future nature of American politics, with the consensus in the group being our dream election scenario would be Condaleeza Rice vs Hilary Clinton. There was an interesting moment when the chairman of the other group couldn't take his eyes off me knitting with out looking at what I was doing. Knitting does tend to mesmerise people.

I then spent a few hours searching for texts for my next essay and paying though the nose for photocopying services. Upon returning home I sat and knitted, ate ice lollies, watched bits of the Apprentice online and then workedcreally hard. A satisfying day.

Today or Yesterday depending if you've slept....

Today I jumped rather uncermoniously out of bed at 7am, ran off to the loo then jumped back in bed till 8am. Today was one of the glorious days where there are no lectures till 11am so I afforded myself the luxury of an hour more of heaven. When I did finally get up I had the pleasure of trying to find something delicious to wear as there was a bright bright sun in the sky! I settled on a denim mini dress with spaghetti straps and a white crossover cropped t - shirt to protect my whiter than white shoulders.

When I had finished my bus ride and walk combo to the Arts campus, I realised I had powerwalked it and managed to arrive ten mins early, so treated my self to dinky bowl of salad and a bottle of Coke and Lime. [PUT THE LIME IN THE COKE YOU NUT! ;-)] The salad bowl included coleslaw, my favourite, and a greek style salad of black olives, feta esque cheese which was too squidgy to be proper feta, red onions, tomatoes and lettuce. I topped this with three melon balls for a random sweet contrast because I'm random.

My seminar today was on History and Film, and I managed to blag my way through it as unfortunately, everytime I'd gone to watch the set films, only the feature film, Elizabeth was in, not the documentary Elizabeth by David Starkey. My group were set the questions on the feature film to discuss, and we did eventually. To be perfectly honest the group were hopeless. Two of the girls appeared to know each other well, thus excluding me and the other guy, let me get on with discussing our answers with the seminar tutor, and then nominated me the speaker for the presentation. I flatly refused to do it alone as this was groupwork, and so was cut off everytime I tried to speak during our presentation. The rest of the seminar became a discussion on the current and future nature of American politics, with the consensus in the group being our dream election scenario would be Condaleeza Rice vs Hilary Clinton. There was an interesting moment when the chairman of the other group couldn't take his eyes off me knitting with out looking at what I was doing. Knitting does tend to mesmerise people.

I then spent a few hours searching for texts for my next essay and paying though the nose for photocopying services. Upon returning home I sat and knitted, ate ice lollies, watched bits of the Apprentice online and then workedcreally hard. A satisfying day.

Now I know why teething babies cry!

My wisdom teeth aren't half giving me gip! They are coming through at the back in the roof of my mouth and boy do they hurt. I didn't got to my lectures today because of the pain. But still they were the last one on my course so I will be hunting up noted from those at some point.

Been pottering around today. Did clothes washing with Chris, and watched some Battlestar Galactica. Chris and I are somewhat obsessed, though with the end of the series growing near I dunno what wil fill our work breaks in the coming weeks.

I have been knitting. Started a new sock as the finishing on Arisaig is driving me mad. The sock is a bastardised creation og my own with a Grantley insertion in offset rows across the calf section. Pics When I can.

This evening I think I will cook nice food and read about Russia and the First Crusades to try and plan my revision schedule.

Now I know why teething babies cry!

My wisdom teeth aren't half giving me gip! They are coming through at the back in the roof of my mouth and boy do they hurt. I didn't got to my lectures today because of the pain. But still they were the last one on my course so I will be hunting up noted from those at some point.

Been pottering around today. Did clothes washing with Chris, and watched some Battlestar Galactica. Chris and I are somewhat obsessed, though with the end of the series growing near I dunno what wil fill our work breaks in the coming weeks.

I have been knitting. Started a new sock as the finishing on Arisaig is driving me mad. The sock is a bastardised creation og my own with a Grantley insertion in offset rows across the calf section. Pics When I can.

This evening I think I will cook nice food and read about Russia and the First Crusades to try and plan my revision schedule.

Its as big as my head!

Elisa was given this as a present from Chrisby who'd been on holiday in France. I want one One for my very own. She said my need is greater than hers as my essay is not going well.Every girl needs a 3 kg jar of Nutella. Happy thoughts and nutella covered wishes my way greatly appreciated. 771 words out of 2000.

Its as big as my head!

Elisa was given this as a present from Chrisby who'd been on holiday in France. I want one One for my very own. She said my need is greater than hers as my essay is not going well.Every girl needs a 3 kg jar of Nutella. Happy thoughts and nutella covered wishes my way greatly appreciated. 771 words out of 2000.

A small ditty for the day

" You have odd socks on too,
One is black,
And one is blue! "

I have been enjoying the posts of The Girl Who Ate Everything today in my work breaks. She has somewhat of a sandwhich fetish, and I too being a bread lover got it into my head that I needed some deliciousness. Fortunately, Chris and I had purchased some such delicious ingredients in yesterdays shopping. So lunch today was two slices of wholemeal granary, lightly buttered, (extra special for the loaf being half price), some Branston's pickle, Mature Australian Cheddar cheese sliced thinly, cucumber and tomatoes. Chris sliced in beautifully into triangles so it even felt like we'd bought it from a deli. This was followed by scones I'd made last night at midnight when I'd got fed up with working. A cup of tea completed my lovely lunch.

Baking and cooking has become my touchstone a bit. I use it to relax. Especially kneading dough.

A small ditty for the day

" You have odd socks on too,
One is black,
And one is blue! "

I have been enjoying the posts of The Girl Who Ate Everything today in my work breaks. She has somewhat of a sandwhich fetish, and I too being a bread lover got it into my head that I needed some deliciousness. Fortunately, Chris and I had purchased some such delicious ingredients in yesterdays shopping. So lunch today was two slices of wholemeal granary, lightly buttered, (extra special for the loaf being half price), some Branston's pickle, Mature Australian Cheddar cheese sliced thinly, cucumber and tomatoes. Chris sliced in beautifully into triangles so it even felt like we'd bought it from a deli. This was followed by scones I'd made last night at midnight when I'd got fed up with working. A cup of tea completed my lovely lunch.

Baking and cooking has become my touchstone a bit. I use it to relax. Especially kneading dough.

Bike racing!

So here we have my bike filled Easter Monday. I went to Thruxton with Rob, his mum, and two friends from church. It was a great day, lovely and sunny in the most part, I got me some sunglasses for £5 that make me look uber cool, and I saw some amazing bike racing. We sat overlooking the wiggly chicane (It's a technical term you know - ;-) ) and there was some seriously daredevil over taking!

Great fun, especially the sea of bikes parked up in the fields and riding down in a sea of bikers.

Bike racing!

So here we have my bike filled Easter Monday. I went to Thruxton with Rob, his mum, and two friends from church. It was a great day, lovely and sunny in the most part, I got me some sunglasses for £5 that make me look uber cool, and I saw some amazing bike racing. We sat overlooking the wiggly chicane (It's a technical term you know - ;-) ) and there was some seriously daredevil over taking!

Great fun, especially the sea of bikes parked up in the fields and riding down in a sea of bikers.

Indeed

Knitting and work have rather stalled...

...because of these beauties!

That is Lindor mini eggs, solid milk choc eggs, and what was 21 Cadbury's Cream eggs, though I have eaten one:)

Happy Easter all!

Indeed

Knitting and work have rather stalled...

...because of these beauties!

That is Lindor mini eggs, solid milk choc eggs, and what was 21 Cadbury's Cream eggs, though I have eaten one:)

Happy Easter all!

The Remains of the Day

or the End of the Affair

Like the end of a party, the hollow deflated feeling, like what I imagine post wedding or postpartum blues, the expectation the anticipation and then its gone and it wasn't ever going to be enough. Even though there's the future lovelyness, the immediate is gone.

I need my books, I need to be able to read again for enjoyment and not because I have to, because when I read I'm gone, and the world can come in instead. The remains of the day can comfort me. The remains of the day, I always loved that phrase, how dusk is the sweetest moment, filled with memories of your day's happiness.

I shall knit myself my own stripy jumper and be proud of it and use it like a pillow cover when it wears out, like I've used other jumpers to help lull me to sleep. The stripy one was the best.

You don't know what you've got till it's gone eh? Pity not everyone learns that sooner rather than later. We should be born with such wisdom, the angels should never haven stolen that from us before birth.

I'm worried I'm slipping into some sort of depression, Rob has moaned that I'm never happy any more, and to be fair I don't think I have been for some time. There has been very little that has made me smile and far more to make me cry and for the life of me I cannot think of a good reason. Except for the shoddiest timing ever to befall me.

There is nothing wrong with me. How I wish there was in a way, because then there would be a reason for feeling like this. I'm relatively healthy, not overweight by much, pretty enough, intelligent enough, sucessful enough and by all rights I should be beaming.

I can't beam. Without you in my arms
I feel so bad, because I can't give Rob reasons why I'm sad.

The Remains of the Day

or the End of the Affair

Like the end of a party, the hollow deflated feeling, like what I imagine post wedding or postpartum blues, the expectation the anticipation and then its gone and it wasn't ever going to be enough. Even though there's the future lovelyness, the immediate is gone.

I need my books, I need to be able to read again for enjoyment and not because I have to, because when I read I'm gone, and the world can come in instead. The remains of the day can comfort me. The remains of the day, I always loved that phrase, how dusk is the sweetest moment, filled with memories of your day's happiness.

I shall knit myself my own stripy jumper and be proud of it and use it like a pillow cover when it wears out, like I've used other jumpers to help lull me to sleep. The stripy one was the best.

You don't know what you've got till it's gone eh? Pity not everyone learns that sooner rather than later. We should be born with such wisdom, the angels should never haven stolen that from us before birth.

I'm worried I'm slipping into some sort of depression, Rob has moaned that I'm never happy any more, and to be fair I don't think I have been for some time. There has been very little that has made me smile and far more to make me cry and for the life of me I cannot think of a good reason. Except for the shoddiest timing ever to befall me.

There is nothing wrong with me. How I wish there was in a way, because then there would be a reason for feeling like this. I'm relatively healthy, not overweight by much, pretty enough, intelligent enough, sucessful enough and by all rights I should be beaming.

I can't beam. Without you in my arms
I feel so bad, because I can't give Rob reasons why I'm sad.

A task set by Cecil....

A city and why I am there....

Autumn sun streamed down upon my braided hair. I suppose some would have called it an Indian Summer, but that would not have cut it, so to speak, if you had been there too.

If only you had been there. You always did love it when I wore my hair in plaits and tripped about in swirly skirts. Here the canals have not the grace of Amsterdam, the somewhat majestic architectural texture. These are more organic. For all their straight lines, the algae glowed orange and green on brick banks. This place is alive.

I laughed alot then. I rushed to peer into the houses running along side the canals as the Dutch don't 'do' net curtains. Some puritain thing about having nothing to hide. The modern, post - war clever houses snuck in between the older 17th Century ones like sheepish or unforthcoming guests.

Always onward I went. Looking. Searching. This place, this place was magic, like Vermeer paintings or LSD trips. The light caught water, caught white painted window frames and burst into fragments of colour like the pansies in the window boxes.

I was a poppy, swept along by the breeze that day. I ran round bicycles, I ignored ducks, my red skirts trailed as I blazed along my course.

It was there you know.

In the centre of the city, or rather what was. Leiden's Star. A fortress pointing the rose of the compass. You should have been there with me. You should have been. I climbed up stairs that had no railing or bannister. These were hewn from stone brought by boat. A journey embedded in masonary.

If only you had been there.

I stood for a long time. Letting the light seer into my eyeballs. The church roofs glittered, the chimneys of days gone by smoked in turn and I laughed.

I knew I loved you then.

A task set by Cecil....

A city and why I am there....

Autumn sun streamed down upon my braided hair. I suppose some would have called it an Indian Summer, but that would not have cut it, so to speak, if you had been there too.

If only you had been there. You always did love it when I wore my hair in plaits and tripped about in swirly skirts. Here the canals have not the grace of Amsterdam, the somewhat majestic architectural texture. These are more organic. For all their straight lines, the algae glowed orange and green on brick banks. This place is alive.

I laughed alot then. I rushed to peer into the houses running along side the canals as the Dutch don't 'do' net curtains. Some puritain thing about having nothing to hide. The modern, post - war clever houses snuck in between the older 17th Century ones like sheepish or unforthcoming guests.

Always onward I went. Looking. Searching. This place, this place was magic, like Vermeer paintings or LSD trips. The light caught water, caught white painted window frames and burst into fragments of colour like the pansies in the window boxes.

I was a poppy, swept along by the breeze that day. I ran round bicycles, I ignored ducks, my red skirts trailed as I blazed along my course.

It was there you know.

In the centre of the city, or rather what was. Leiden's Star. A fortress pointing the rose of the compass. You should have been there with me. You should have been. I climbed up stairs that had no railing or bannister. These were hewn from stone brought by boat. A journey embedded in masonary.

If only you had been there.

I stood for a long time. Letting the light seer into my eyeballs. The church roofs glittered, the chimneys of days gone by smoked in turn and I laughed.

I knew I loved you then.

Last one left...

As I write I can hear Chris locking his room as he leaves for the Easter Holidays.

That makes me the last one left on my floor.
The silence is refreshing. I could wonder around naked is I should so choose to do so.

I can now hear Rob's feet clicking. He's taking me home soon.

And much as I want to go back home to family, and the rolling green of Wiltshire, I am a little sad. As Southampton is a part of me now. There are memories here. Friends are attached to this place.

It's a pleasant bittersweet feeling. To have allegiance somewhere other than where your family resides.

There is much to do this Easter. Three assessd written assignments, one on the disneyization of a local public history site, one on the role of women during the Russian Revolutions and one on a title I have yet to choose, but it must be related to the First Crusade. This work will keep me busy for a long long while.

If I get it done early on there will be time for painting and reading of novels and much much knitting.

I have started knitting a pair of tight fitting jade green gloves, made from the beautiful 100% merino yarn Chris gave me for Christmas. I bought tiny buttons, flowershaped ones that look like they are made from bone, through they are probably plastic to embellish them. I hope they look right against the fine stitch defintition.

Rob is also taking me to a bike race this Easter holiday. I am so very excited.

For once I know who I am and where I am going. This is satifying and exciting and new all at once. I want to cry about it. I don't know why.

Last one left...

As I write I can hear Chris locking his room as he leaves for the Easter Holidays.

That makes me the last one left on my floor.
The silence is refreshing. I could wonder around naked is I should so choose to do so.

I can now hear Rob's feet clicking. He's taking me home soon.

And much as I want to go back home to family, and the rolling green of Wiltshire, I am a little sad. As Southampton is a part of me now. There are memories here. Friends are attached to this place.

It's a pleasant bittersweet feeling. To have allegiance somewhere other than where your family resides.

There is much to do this Easter. Three assessd written assignments, one on the disneyization of a local public history site, one on the role of women during the Russian Revolutions and one on a title I have yet to choose, but it must be related to the First Crusade. This work will keep me busy for a long long while.

If I get it done early on there will be time for painting and reading of novels and much much knitting.

I have started knitting a pair of tight fitting jade green gloves, made from the beautiful 100% merino yarn Chris gave me for Christmas. I bought tiny buttons, flowershaped ones that look like they are made from bone, through they are probably plastic to embellish them. I hope they look right against the fine stitch defintition.

Rob is also taking me to a bike race this Easter holiday. I am so very excited.

For once I know who I am and where I am going. This is satifying and exciting and new all at once. I want to cry about it. I don't know why.

please work

If there could be anything material that I could have it would be thus. (please excuse grammar and spelling. this is cathartic stream of conciousness that i want to shout about, where else but a blog for that)

 

There will be a big farmhouse and the edges of a market town, where they still had a market. it would be red brick and warm and cosy. there'd be a field so rob could play football with the lads and enough land for a couple of sheep and some chickens. i'd have fresh boiled eggs for breakfast with marmite soliders and love. the lounge wouldn't have a telly plugged in to the aerial, only dvds so only good things could be watched, and it's have red velvet sofa and a rug to warm toes in and a pile of books and a pile of yarn.

 

There'd be four happy children and a big kitchen table and light hearted teasing and huge bowls of soup for the world and his mate. and a big range cooker not an aga but a gas one so i could teach the kids about melting marshmellows on rainy days and teach them to spin and make wool and knit teddy sized jumpers.there would be big dinner parties where friends from all over come down and make witty speeches about unidays and football triumphs and drink red wine and eat good cheese. where i'd cook all day and grin when the food disappears in 20 mins and the kids hide under the table cloth to steal brownies and snatches and snippets of jokes and bygone years.

 

There's be a multitude of topsy turvey rooms upstairs and a rowdy teenage music and "where are my socks mum" and laughter they learn to play guitar from their dad.  The master bedroom would have a huge sleigh bed for sex and tears and long summer nights and where small children would creep in when they had a nightmare and for opening presents on at christmas or birthdays. and mothersday breakfast in bed.

 

and we'd bury hamsters in the garden next to begraggled sunflowers and nastursiums

There'd be a recording studio in the barn for rob to work on his producing and where local bands could come rehearse. 

 

My hair would grey and i would wear it in a fat plait encicling my head, and i;d look like mrs christmas and make a red dress like hers to wear in winter to sell baked goods at the WI christmas fair. My face would be creased by a thousand memories happy and sad and they wouls show when i smiled as the ghosts of good laughs. i would be old but cheerfully reckless and wear purples as the poem goes and smile as they brought the grandchildren over for a weekend rolling in the mud and finger painting and making fairy houses in the woods.

 

and i would be happy surrounded by this and never as alone as i feel now

 

 

please work

If there could be anything material that I could have it would be thus. (please excuse grammar and spelling. this is cathartic stream of conciousness that i want to shout about, where else but a blog for that)

 

There will be a big farmhouse and the edges of a market town, where they still had a market. it would be red brick and warm and cosy. there'd be a field so rob could play football with the lads and enough land for a couple of sheep and some chickens. i'd have fresh boiled eggs for breakfast with marmite soliders and love. the lounge wouldn't have a telly plugged in to the aerial, only dvds so only good things could be watched, and it's have red velvet sofa and a rug to warm toes in and a pile of books and a pile of yarn.

 

There'd be four happy children and a big kitchen table and light hearted teasing and huge bowls of soup for the world and his mate. and a big range cooker not an aga but a gas one so i could teach the kids about melting marshmellows on rainy days and teach them to spin and make wool and knit teddy sized jumpers.there would be big dinner parties where friends from all over come down and make witty speeches about unidays and football triumphs and drink red wine and eat good cheese. where i'd cook all day and grin when the food disappears in 20 mins and the kids hide under the table cloth to steal brownies and snatches and snippets of jokes and bygone years.

 

There's be a multitude of topsy turvey rooms upstairs and a rowdy teenage music and "where are my socks mum" and laughter they learn to play guitar from their dad.  The master bedroom would have a huge sleigh bed for sex and tears and long summer nights and where small children would creep in when they had a nightmare and for opening presents on at christmas or birthdays. and mothersday breakfast in bed.

 

and we'd bury hamsters in the garden next to begraggled sunflowers and nastursiums

There'd be a recording studio in the barn for rob to work on his producing and where local bands could come rehearse. 

 

My hair would grey and i would wear it in a fat plait encicling my head, and i;d look like mrs christmas and make a red dress like hers to wear in winter to sell baked goods at the WI christmas fair. My face would be creased by a thousand memories happy and sad and they wouls show when i smiled as the ghosts of good laughs. i would be old but cheerfully reckless and wear purples as the poem goes and smile as they brought the grandchildren over for a weekend rolling in the mud and finger painting and making fairy houses in the woods.

 

and i would be happy surrounded by this and never as alone as i feel now

 

 

why i am the way i am

why i am the way i am

Update and Task set by Lizzy

Inbetween world I drift and smile to myself at the knowledge all is well in me.

My cooking triumph for Rob's rents' 25th Wedding Anniversary left me glowing at praise that included:

"You will make an excellent wife"

The look on their face when they walked into a room full of old friends, balloons and a three course meal was priceless and a memory I'll treasure. rob and I did good. As they say.

The train ride home that day left me glowing as well. Sat ensconced at a tble with two old gents, one considerablely older than the other, I though this would lead to a journey of boredem. I was pleasantly surprised. The older gent had just returned to Southampton from South America by boat by the way of the West Indies, and was full of stories of Mayan textiles and strange voyages. The other man whom I tried to help with his cross word was a music journalist and debated the merits of the new wave of real music that has been sweeping Britain. Guitar driven music that is about sound not face.

And all because I was knitting on the train. I doubt I would have captured their interest enough to merit a smile without my glorious knitting.

Of which there has been much.

I have completed baby clothes for my friend Fran who is expecting twins, I have nearly finished a sleeve for my Arisaig and being a project whore, started a scarf that is for someone's birthday today, so when I get in there will be serious kniting upon that. Pictures if I can find a working camera.

And now for Lizzy's Task:-

Describe the next person you see.

Bounding across the room he came. Like a gamboling puppy or a mischevious sprite. There was always something of Puck in him and his lolling gait, an untouchable grace that didn't fit with the rest of him. The lock of hair that falls in his eyes was impossible to reconcile with such feline elegance, nor the stripy arthouse jumper or the skateboarding shoes.

He was unassuming, unoticable for so long. The quietness made him seem alone in a crowd. But it is written the truth will set you free, and with him it did. Underneath what is given first was a seam of rich humour and wit like finding coal to warm the world in your back garden. A clever, well read mind burnt energy furiously and created a silliness that broke the awkwardness of before.

It was the generosity that struck me the most. The willingness to give what little or much he had. Time, money or a shoulder were always readily available. And are always greatly appreciated. Greatly appreciated.

Update and Task set by Lizzy

Inbetween world I drift and smile to myself at the knowledge all is well in me.

My cooking triumph for Rob's rents' 25th Wedding Anniversary left me glowing at praise that included:

"You will make an excellent wife"

The look on their face when they walked into a room full of old friends, balloons and a three course meal was priceless and a memory I'll treasure. rob and I did good. As they say.

The train ride home that day left me glowing as well. Sat ensconced at a tble with two old gents, one considerablely older than the other, I though this would lead to a journey of boredem. I was pleasantly surprised. The older gent had just returned to Southampton from South America by boat by the way of the West Indies, and was full of stories of Mayan textiles and strange voyages. The other man whom I tried to help with his cross word was a music journalist and debated the merits of the new wave of real music that has been sweeping Britain. Guitar driven music that is about sound not face.

And all because I was knitting on the train. I doubt I would have captured their interest enough to merit a smile without my glorious knitting.

Of which there has been much.

I have completed baby clothes for my friend Fran who is expecting twins, I have nearly finished a sleeve for my Arisaig and being a project whore, started a scarf that is for someone's birthday today, so when I get in there will be serious kniting upon that. Pictures if I can find a working camera.

And now for Lizzy's Task:-

Describe the next person you see.

Bounding across the room he came. Like a gamboling puppy or a mischevious sprite. There was always something of Puck in him and his lolling gait, an untouchable grace that didn't fit with the rest of him. The lock of hair that falls in his eyes was impossible to reconcile with such feline elegance, nor the stripy arthouse jumper or the skateboarding shoes.

He was unassuming, unoticable for so long. The quietness made him seem alone in a crowd. But it is written the truth will set you free, and with him it did. Underneath what is given first was a seam of rich humour and wit like finding coal to warm the world in your back garden. A clever, well read mind burnt energy furiously and created a silliness that broke the awkwardness of before.

It was the generosity that struck me the most. The willingness to give what little or much he had. Time, money or a shoulder were always readily available. And are always greatly appreciated. Greatly appreciated.

Another Winters Day

Michael Bublé is in my head at the moment. Another winters day...has come and gone away...I feel so alone...I want to go home. The phrasing in this song means the words from different verses and choruses can be interchanged so easily. I muddle them up all the time but it is such the favourite song for me.

It's snowing intermittantly today, hence the song reference I think. I was queued at the bus stop alongside visiting A level students here for the open day. They use the car park at my halls as a visitors car park you see. It's funny to think I was one of those last year. Though I did not do the 'come with you parents' thing. I went on my own on the train to Southampton and had a violent gut reaction to it. Much the opposite to the one I had to Bristol. Very positive. So I end up stood there, feeling smug at thought that I'm already here and let the huge fat flakes of snow fall into my hair, giving me twinkles and sparkles like an ice princess. Not for me the huddling with strangers under a bus shelter. Snow always makes me feel serene and I can just stand there in the cold for hours. Though snow here is rare as I was telling the bus queue. Something to do with the being by the sea they say.

I'm sat in the library at the moment people watching and chatting to Rob via email. I love to people watchhere, and perhaps when I have retrieved the books I need for this weekend I will go and do a bit of life drawing. A guy across the way from me is furively drinking his milkshake hoping none of the librarians will walk by. He is dressed as what is known in common British parlance as a 'chav' with baseball cap, pink polo shirt, jewllery in both ears and a cheap white jumper other the top. He would make a good sketch. All the creases in the clothing and the twinkle of the metal. The interesting people always sit in the special collections section.

Last night I slept on my furry blanket, under my duvet on my bed room floor. A hard core knitter, I was blocking a shawl, and it wasn't quite dry when I wanted to go to bed so I slept on the floor. Said shawl is happily ensconced around my shoulders, and was complemented by my seminar tutor for Historiography who happens to be a knitter. I feel all cobwebby and happy in it and may just have to knit another! Though sadly I have lost a stone from my favourite brooch and shall have to hunt around in my room. I think I know where it is though. Incidently, why is brooch spelt as such and not as broach? Sometimes English makes no sense. Hence why I never bothered to learn grammar. Hehe

I am going home tomorrow morning :-) Cheers all round please. Well I'm going to Rob's at least, which is practically home. Wunderbar says I.

Now to work and knitting and a nap I think.

Another Winters Day

Michael Bublé is in my head at the moment. Another winters day...has come and gone away...I feel so alone...I want to go home. The phrasing in this song means the words from different verses and choruses can be interchanged so easily. I muddle them up all the time but it is such the favourite song for me.

It's snowing intermittantly today, hence the song reference I think. I was queued at the bus stop alongside visiting A level students here for the open day. They use the car park at my halls as a visitors car park you see. It's funny to think I was one of those last year. Though I did not do the 'come with you parents' thing. I went on my own on the train to Southampton and had a violent gut reaction to it. Much the opposite to the one I had to Bristol. Very positive. So I end up stood there, feeling smug at thought that I'm already here and let the huge fat flakes of snow fall into my hair, giving me twinkles and sparkles like an ice princess. Not for me the huddling with strangers under a bus shelter. Snow always makes me feel serene and I can just stand there in the cold for hours. Though snow here is rare as I was telling the bus queue. Something to do with the being by the sea they say.

I'm sat in the library at the moment people watching and chatting to Rob via email. I love to people watchhere, and perhaps when I have retrieved the books I need for this weekend I will go and do a bit of life drawing. A guy across the way from me is furively drinking his milkshake hoping none of the librarians will walk by. He is dressed as what is known in common British parlance as a 'chav' with baseball cap, pink polo shirt, jewllery in both ears and a cheap white jumper other the top. He would make a good sketch. All the creases in the clothing and the twinkle of the metal. The interesting people always sit in the special collections section.

Last night I slept on my furry blanket, under my duvet on my bed room floor. A hard core knitter, I was blocking a shawl, and it wasn't quite dry when I wanted to go to bed so I slept on the floor. Said shawl is happily ensconced around my shoulders, and was complemented by my seminar tutor for Historiography who happens to be a knitter. I feel all cobwebby and happy in it and may just have to knit another! Though sadly I have lost a stone from my favourite brooch and shall have to hunt around in my room. I think I know where it is though. Incidently, why is brooch spelt as such and not as broach? Sometimes English makes no sense. Hence why I never bothered to learn grammar. Hehe

I am going home tomorrow morning :-) Cheers all round please. Well I'm going to Rob's at least, which is practically home. Wunderbar says I.

Now to work and knitting and a nap I think.

Summer Wishes

Task: Describe an English landscape in the middle of Summer

Response:

The sun slips over golden hills. Waves of wheat and barley ripple as the wind follows teh sun so gently, waiting to catch her.

You ease back, melting amongst the medows. The poppies and the cornflowers provide a soothing blend of colour against the gold that suurounds you.

English gold, this heat shimmers. It is a rare day. The day when temperate Britain gives a moment of glory. A day to be outside. A day to revel.

And revel you do. There is a punnet of ripe strawberries that you picked earlier in the day. When it was cooler. The wine sits in its cooler.

These pleasures pale into insignificance to the landscape you have chosen. Rather than the red of ripe berries, there is the juice stained pink of her lips. The rolling hills of the fields cannot compete with the landscape of her body.

You lay amongst the yellow of the world that pierces your eyelids as you hide. You do not need to see her to know what she's doing. Or so you think.

The wind has caught the sun and it's caught her too. There is a soft breeze playing with her red skirts, red like the berries that were so sweet. Red like the poppies that burn amongst gold. The cornflowers reflect in her eyes.

Rustles catch your attention, and startled you sit up. She is gone. Slipping down the field she parts the long grass with bare legs.

So you arise, a little wearily, but with a chuckle and follow so gently, soundlessly. Waiting to catch her.

Summer Wishes

Task: Describe an English landscape in the middle of Summer

Response:

The sun slips over golden hills. Waves of wheat and barley ripple as the wind follows teh sun so gently, waiting to catch her.

You ease back, melting amongst the medows. The poppies and the cornflowers provide a soothing blend of colour against the gold that suurounds you.

English gold, this heat shimmers. It is a rare day. The day when temperate Britain gives a moment of glory. A day to be outside. A day to revel.

And revel you do. There is a punnet of ripe strawberries that you picked earlier in the day. When it was cooler. The wine sits in its cooler.

These pleasures pale into insignificance to the landscape you have chosen. Rather than the red of ripe berries, there is the juice stained pink of her lips. The rolling hills of the fields cannot compete with the landscape of her body.

You lay amongst the yellow of the world that pierces your eyelids as you hide. You do not need to see her to know what she's doing. Or so you think.

The wind has caught the sun and it's caught her too. There is a soft breeze playing with her red skirts, red like the berries that were so sweet. Red like the poppies that burn amongst gold. The cornflowers reflect in her eyes.

Rustles catch your attention, and startled you sit up. She is gone. Slipping down the field she parts the long grass with bare legs.

So you arise, a little wearily, but with a chuckle and follow so gently, soundlessly. Waiting to catch her.

A Nothing Kind of Day

This weekend, Rob surprised me by coming down on Friday night. A pleasant evening ensued and on Saturday he took me to see Aeon Flux and for a KFC meal. We shopped and played and were generally as we were when we are at home together. We disagreed over the quality of Aeon Flux, the beauty of Charlize Theron, and the necessity of shoe shopping to female existance. [Incidently the film in my opinion is good, well written and look out for the extra pair of hands.]

It's always hard when Rob goes home after a visit like that. He's so lovely and things go so well that its hard to re adjust to the normality.

I woke up today and thought, "Well, its a nothing kind of day. " It has poured with rain all day, it is grey and freezing cold. There is distinct lack of purpose to that kind of day. I did have a reason to get up.

Rob rang and in the course of the phonecall convinced me getting out of bed would be a good idea. He somehow manages to make the dull and inane exciting. So with a slight sense of purpose I jumped up just as Hannah rang me. I explained my purpose and she agreed that a trip to town was in order, and off to town we went, just catching the bus.

I am a fool and shouldn't be allowed near technology. I had the day before accidently ripped out my network cable from my ethernet card and whilst both card and cable functioned, the connection, the small metal prongs were shot. So my main purpose was to buy a new ethernet card.

I also wanted to see about changing my phone tariff as I thought I was paying too much for my calls. Mores the pity for the poor unsuspecting salesman. I was in a foul mood. A foul foul mood. Blacker than black and for no good reason.

So having bitten at intrusive sales people, I bought everything I needed, including cleverly designed sanitary towel using Boots advantage points. TMI for you guys, but for you girls, these have clever notches in the back which mean they fold into the crease of your buttocks and therefore fit better and are less likely to move and leak. Very long sentence I know. Boots advantage points are quite possibly one of the best reward schemes for customers I know. You can actually use them to buy items. You get 4 for every pound you spend, and they have a cash value of 1p.

Upon returning home, I watched Friends with Amy, did a little work, and went to the pub with Amy and Hannah. As I've been feeling rotten, Amy was a sweeeeeeetttiiieeee and made me a delicious spaghetti bolognese. Our evening at the pub wasn't so good, as not all the usual crowd were there.

We left early and walked home in the pouring rain and sang assorted snippets from musicals at the tops of our voices. Since we've been home, we've watched Chicago and started watching a film about figure skating. We've eaten rice pudding and tinned fruit and chocolate and are being seriously girly. We're sat here knitting.

At least I'm not moping alone in my room eh?

A Nothing Kind of Day

This weekend, Rob surprised me by coming down on Friday night. A pleasant evening ensued and on Saturday he took me to see Aeon Flux and for a KFC meal. We shopped and played and were generally as we were when we are at home together. We disagreed over the quality of Aeon Flux, the beauty of Charlize Theron, and the necessity of shoe shopping to female existance. [Incidently the film in my opinion is good, well written and look out for the extra pair of hands.]

It's always hard when Rob goes home after a visit like that. He's so lovely and things go so well that its hard to re adjust to the normality.

I woke up today and thought, "Well, its a nothing kind of day. " It has poured with rain all day, it is grey and freezing cold. There is distinct lack of purpose to that kind of day. I did have a reason to get up.

Rob rang and in the course of the phonecall convinced me getting out of bed would be a good idea. He somehow manages to make the dull and inane exciting. So with a slight sense of purpose I jumped up just as Hannah rang me. I explained my purpose and she agreed that a trip to town was in order, and off to town we went, just catching the bus.

I am a fool and shouldn't be allowed near technology. I had the day before accidently ripped out my network cable from my ethernet card and whilst both card and cable functioned, the connection, the small metal prongs were shot. So my main purpose was to buy a new ethernet card.

I also wanted to see about changing my phone tariff as I thought I was paying too much for my calls. Mores the pity for the poor unsuspecting salesman. I was in a foul mood. A foul foul mood. Blacker than black and for no good reason.

So having bitten at intrusive sales people, I bought everything I needed, including cleverly designed sanitary towel using Boots advantage points. TMI for you guys, but for you girls, these have clever notches in the back which mean they fold into the crease of your buttocks and therefore fit better and are less likely to move and leak. Very long sentence I know. Boots advantage points are quite possibly one of the best reward schemes for customers I know. You can actually use them to buy items. You get 4 for every pound you spend, and they have a cash value of 1p.

Upon returning home, I watched Friends with Amy, did a little work, and went to the pub with Amy and Hannah. As I've been feeling rotten, Amy was a sweeeeeeetttiiieeee and made me a delicious spaghetti bolognese. Our evening at the pub wasn't so good, as not all the usual crowd were there.

We left early and walked home in the pouring rain and sang assorted snippets from musicals at the tops of our voices. Since we've been home, we've watched Chicago and started watching a film about figure skating. We've eaten rice pudding and tinned fruit and chocolate and are being seriously girly. We're sat here knitting.

At least I'm not moping alone in my room eh?

One day in the year

Having one day in a year to say I love you is stupid I suppose. But think of those people, who find it hard to express themselves, at least on this day, at least, they can use one of the socially exepted norms and codes that encircle this day to show it somehow. And think of the people who wonder if they are loved at all who will have a secret smile becasue someone managed to do somehting as simple as buy a card. Or make one.

I know it causes much pain, this day of lovers and secrets. Being alone is nothing to be scared of, that I know. Loneliness is. That is why my friends get cards from me. So they know that they are not lonely even when alone. I love them so.

And Rob is a sweety who bought me a Royal Doulton figurine of Piglet from the original Winnie the Pooh illustrations. He is striding into the wind carrying a heart in profile, with his red scarf streaming behind him, much in the way mine does when I walk. The heart says "With Luv". This non traditional gift touches me as it again shows Rob's thoughtfulness. And it is the first ornament I will put on our mantle when we finally marry.

I sent him a balloon in a box. It has a cute puppy dog on it saying "I miss you". It came with chocolates. I know it was cheesy and cliched, but knowing how it would surprise him made me think it might be worth it. I hope it was. The puppy dog struck home with me. Missing Rob has changed from a mad mad pain like it was when I first got here. Now it is a dull constant ache exacerbated by the small things like hugs from friends or seeing steak when food shopping. Now I cry on the train home because I almost think it could be the end when the weekend is so good you can't better it. I feel sad on the train ride there as I almost don't want to know the happiness I'll feel because I'll have to go back into my box when I get home. My dull dead box.

I went out tonight to a Valentines/Mardi Gras thing at the Hobbit. It was good and mad and people were dressed beautifully as always, I felt beyond myself and underwhelmed, and so I overcompensated with loud and merry cutting words trying to chivvy thing along.
Simon walked me back in the pouring rain. He told me about growing up on a farm. The rain seeped slowly up my dress like rising damp. And inside my heart beat coldly knowing Rob slept having spent the day alone. I wasn't there to kiss him.

We've been together for 3 years and 5 months now. How things can make you ache neh?

One day in the year

Having one day in a year to say I love you is stupid I suppose. But think of those people, who find it hard to express themselves, at least on this day, at least, they can use one of the socially exepted norms and codes that encircle this day to show it somehow. And think of the people who wonder if they are loved at all who will have a secret smile becasue someone managed to do somehting as simple as buy a card. Or make one.

I know it causes much pain, this day of lovers and secrets. Being alone is nothing to be scared of, that I know. Loneliness is. That is why my friends get cards from me. So they know that they are not lonely even when alone. I love them so.

And Rob is a sweety who bought me a Royal Doulton figurine of Piglet from the original Winnie the Pooh illustrations. He is striding into the wind carrying a heart in profile, with his red scarf streaming behind him, much in the way mine does when I walk. The heart says "With Luv". This non traditional gift touches me as it again shows Rob's thoughtfulness. And it is the first ornament I will put on our mantle when we finally marry.

I sent him a balloon in a box. It has a cute puppy dog on it saying "I miss you". It came with chocolates. I know it was cheesy and cliched, but knowing how it would surprise him made me think it might be worth it. I hope it was. The puppy dog struck home with me. Missing Rob has changed from a mad mad pain like it was when I first got here. Now it is a dull constant ache exacerbated by the small things like hugs from friends or seeing steak when food shopping. Now I cry on the train home because I almost think it could be the end when the weekend is so good you can't better it. I feel sad on the train ride there as I almost don't want to know the happiness I'll feel because I'll have to go back into my box when I get home. My dull dead box.

I went out tonight to a Valentines/Mardi Gras thing at the Hobbit. It was good and mad and people were dressed beautifully as always, I felt beyond myself and underwhelmed, and so I overcompensated with loud and merry cutting words trying to chivvy thing along.
Simon walked me back in the pouring rain. He told me about growing up on a farm. The rain seeped slowly up my dress like rising damp. And inside my heart beat coldly knowing Rob slept having spent the day alone. I wasn't there to kiss him.

We've been together for 3 years and 5 months now. How things can make you ache neh?

Going home.

The rest of a weekend passed in a blur of happiness.

On saturday i had a nice lie in and sat around in my pj's knitting on my shawl whilst watching olympics on the telly and eating hot cross buns. Hot cross bun are one of the food perks of this time of year, and I must remember to buy some more if i go shopping this week as they are perfect for a student brekkie on the run.

Rob an di went to my rents in the evening for fish and chips tea, or in my case, burger and chips tea. I even made him watch the iceskating, which he did begrudingly, but was lovely none the less. He does love me after all then ;-) Mum an di had a nice time catching up and reviewing hte opening ceremony of the Olympics. As always we appreciated the dresses of the pretty ladies who carried the signs with the names of the countries. The detailing of the little trees, and mountains made from fabric folds were only added to by the teeny skiiers who were attached to the dresses! We also enjoyed the giant skiier made from dancers wearing different colours, that clevered used moving in formation to change it's position.

Sunday morning saw me woken with a cup of tea from Rob's mum. I only ever drink tea when at Rob's house. This is strange as my mum is a big tea drinker, and not so strange as my Dad doesn't drink it at all. I think it is mainly because I am lazy, and there only go to the effort if making it for someone else, or drink it if someone else has made it first. I doon't mind the taste, but i prefer weak and fragrant if possible!

I have been making this shawl now for at least 3 weeks and am starting to bore of the lace pattern on the largest section, so I spent a few minutes more in bed working on the repeat, just so it got done. Then I washed and dressed and sat talking to Rob before we had to go to Church.

Church wasn't so bad for once. The last few times I have been it has been as if I can see what is wrong rather than what is good about the church, but I enjoyed the worship even if it was form CD's and it was nice to catch up with people. Rob and I took the youth group and were impressed by the refreshing honesty of most of group and really got somewhere I think.

After that, as Rob's mum had to do the finances for church I offered to make lunch so Rob and I zoomed home and I got cooking. I have to say since being at uni, my joy in cooking has increased immensely. I find myself being imaginative and excited, wanting to experiment. In this instance I produced a variationon one of Triss's traditional sunday lunch dishes, a vegetable soup. Mine turned out more of Spring soup, as it was all pretty colours. Red onions finely diced, fried with mince beef, then grated carrot and potato is added. This is friend till the potato is soft then chopped leeks and vegetable stock and milk are added to make it soupy. It was very nice.

I worked away at my reading for a bit after lunch, and packed all my bags up as my darling was about to play football. Now football really isn't one of my favourite things, but I love to watch Rob play. He is rather good, and generally scores plenty of goals. But this match was a bit nightmareish with a new player on his team being bigheaded and refusing to substitute out when he ought etc... Rob gets so involved in the game that he takes everything personally and he got so cross! I have never seen him like that.

This mean tour goodbye was not quite as nice as it could have been, but the station was appropriately dingy and it was raining as he dropped me off after the match so it had an element of film noir to it. I hope you're feeling better baby!

On the train ride back I knitted and dozed, and nearly missed my stop! So like me, but I did remember everything this time fortunately and managed to catch a bus that got me straight to The Stile, the cosy pub on campus where i met up with Amy, filthy and his gf Carrie. I had a bowl of cheesy chips for tea, and spent a pleasant evening getting to know Carrie and lamenting the demise and discontinuation of the chocolate orange fudgecake from the nenu with Amy.

Cecil came over for a chat when I finally got back to halls. He stayed chatting to midnight, and told me a lovely Jewish story about how people came to have the dimple over our top lip. You know the one your little finger fits so succinctly in and that makes lips look kissable. According to Jewish tradition, babies in the womb know all Scripture, all the laws and rules and tradition God has ever revealed to his people, infact they know everything becasue before the soul was put into a body it was with God. But when the baby is due to be born, Archangel Gabriel - I think that's the one, correct me Cecil otherwise - puts his finger to the baby's lips as if to say "shhh" and removes all that knowledge bar the spark that creates your personality and desire for knowledge and that which makes you human.

Somehitng about that and the way Cecil told it really moved me. It also conveniently explains that strange dimple over your lip!

Going home.

The rest of a weekend passed in a blur of happiness.

On saturday i had a nice lie in and sat around in my pj's knitting on my shawl whilst watching olympics on the telly and eating hot cross buns. Hot cross bun are one of the food perks of this time of year, and I must remember to buy some more if i go shopping this week as they are perfect for a student brekkie on the run.

Rob an di went to my rents in the evening for fish and chips tea, or in my case, burger and chips tea. I even made him watch the iceskating, which he did begrudingly, but was lovely none the less. He does love me after all then ;-) Mum an di had a nice time catching up and reviewing hte opening ceremony of the Olympics. As always we appreciated the dresses of the pretty ladies who carried the signs with the names of the countries. The detailing of the little trees, and mountains made from fabric folds were only added to by the teeny skiiers who were attached to the dresses! We also enjoyed the giant skiier made from dancers wearing different colours, that clevered used moving in formation to change it's position.

Sunday morning saw me woken with a cup of tea from Rob's mum. I only ever drink tea when at Rob's house. This is strange as my mum is a big tea drinker, and not so strange as my Dad doesn't drink it at all. I think it is mainly because I am lazy, and there only go to the effort if making it for someone else, or drink it if someone else has made it first. I doon't mind the taste, but i prefer weak and fragrant if possible!

I have been making this shawl now for at least 3 weeks and am starting to bore of the lace pattern on the largest section, so I spent a few minutes more in bed working on the repeat, just so it got done. Then I washed and dressed and sat talking to Rob before we had to go to Church.

Church wasn't so bad for once. The last few times I have been it has been as if I can see what is wrong rather than what is good about the church, but I enjoyed the worship even if it was form CD's and it was nice to catch up with people. Rob and I took the youth group and were impressed by the refreshing honesty of most of group and really got somewhere I think.

After that, as Rob's mum had to do the finances for church I offered to make lunch so Rob and I zoomed home and I got cooking. I have to say since being at uni, my joy in cooking has increased immensely. I find myself being imaginative and excited, wanting to experiment. In this instance I produced a variationon one of Triss's traditional sunday lunch dishes, a vegetable soup. Mine turned out more of Spring soup, as it was all pretty colours. Red onions finely diced, fried with mince beef, then grated carrot and potato is added. This is friend till the potato is soft then chopped leeks and vegetable stock and milk are added to make it soupy. It was very nice.

I worked away at my reading for a bit after lunch, and packed all my bags up as my darling was about to play football. Now football really isn't one of my favourite things, but I love to watch Rob play. He is rather good, and generally scores plenty of goals. But this match was a bit nightmareish with a new player on his team being bigheaded and refusing to substitute out when he ought etc... Rob gets so involved in the game that he takes everything personally and he got so cross! I have never seen him like that.

This mean tour goodbye was not quite as nice as it could have been, but the station was appropriately dingy and it was raining as he dropped me off after the match so it had an element of film noir to it. I hope you're feeling better baby!

On the train ride back I knitted and dozed, and nearly missed my stop! So like me, but I did remember everything this time fortunately and managed to catch a bus that got me straight to The Stile, the cosy pub on campus where i met up with Amy, filthy and his gf Carrie. I had a bowl of cheesy chips for tea, and spent a pleasant evening getting to know Carrie and lamenting the demise and discontinuation of the chocolate orange fudgecake from the nenu with Amy.

Cecil came over for a chat when I finally got back to halls. He stayed chatting to midnight, and told me a lovely Jewish story about how people came to have the dimple over our top lip. You know the one your little finger fits so succinctly in and that makes lips look kissable. According to Jewish tradition, babies in the womb know all Scripture, all the laws and rules and tradition God has ever revealed to his people, infact they know everything becasue before the soul was put into a body it was with God. But when the baby is due to be born, Archangel Gabriel - I think that's the one, correct me Cecil otherwise - puts his finger to the baby's lips as if to say "shhh" and removes all that knowledge bar the spark that creates your personality and desire for knowledge and that which makes you human.

Somehitng about that and the way Cecil told it really moved me. It also conveniently explains that strange dimple over your lip!

Just for once

Today I awoke early, giggling like a child. And I mean early for me. It was 6:30. I dashed to the loo and proceded to get dressed. I even had boiled egg and martmite toast. This meant using the last of the bread, for which I apologise Chris. It was a beautiful day today. I opened my curtains wide so sunshine could stream in.

My university room is so lovely when it catches sunlight, the white walls light up and it seems so calm and peaceful. Unfortunately that is only very early in the morning, and only when the sun manages to creep through the gaps in the buildings opposite. This morning felt good and productive. I even managed to finish the book I was reading, Tipping the Velvet by Sarah Waters before I left so I could give it to Chris to read on his skiiing trip. Have fun in Slovenia or Slovakia or wherever you're going!

With my walkman blasting an ecletic mix of music in my ears I ran for the bus. The chill of the day made my face tingle, and this contrasted deliciously with the warmth of morning sun. On the bus, track after track matched my mood. I swear that Mp3 player is psychic. Then came the highlight of any trip to the campus. I have to walk across part of Southampton Common to get from the main campus to the Avenue Campus.

Today it sparkled, glittered, gleamed. Frost had kissed everything making it look magical. With my glamous puss suitcase swinging beside me and the sun beating down. I felt on top of the world. That walk could have lasted forever I would have been so content and happy. I was going home.

Once at Avenue, I went to see if my WW1 tutor had arrived, in order to pick up my essay and exam mark. Unfortunately he wasn't, and hopefully he will have left it with my tutor. That did however mean I caught an earlier bus to the station.

Here things began to go a little topsy turvy. First of all the ticket man was getting so stressed with my attempts to find my railcard that I decided to buy a full price ticket to save him further exasperation. £18 less well off I then decided to buy a paper and some chocolate to nibble on only to find the WHSmiths wouldn't accept my card, and therefore had to usemore of my precious cash.

I did however manage to get on the train wihtout further unction and settled in managing to read every article in my copy of the Times on the journey to Warminster. The secenery slowly changed from the suburn Hampshire to the rolling downs of Wiltshire. With each town I felt more and more excited and like I was beaming light fro my inside out. Something about the golden ploughed fields, where the chalky soil catches the light, just made me sigh with contentment.

When I arrive, I nearly forgot to pick up my suitcase, but rushed out just before the train doors shut to be greeted by Rob.

Two and a half weeks is too long.

We did a little shopping and errands, and have so far spent a lazy day together, me knitting, him gaming. The Winter Olympics opening ceremony has just ended and so I am off to bed.

Love to Fran - I hope things get better soon and hopefully I'll manage to see you next time I'm down.

Just for once

Today I awoke early, giggling like a child. And I mean early for me. It was 6:30. I dashed to the loo and proceded to get dressed. I even had boiled egg and martmite toast. This meant using the last of the bread, for which I apologise Chris. It was a beautiful day today. I opened my curtains wide so sunshine could stream in.

My university room is so lovely when it catches sunlight, the white walls light up and it seems so calm and peaceful. Unfortunately that is only very early in the morning, and only when the sun manages to creep through the gaps in the buildings opposite. This morning felt good and productive. I even managed to finish the book I was reading, Tipping the Velvet by Sarah Waters before I left so I could give it to Chris to read on his skiiing trip. Have fun in Slovenia or Slovakia or wherever you're going!

With my walkman blasting an ecletic mix of music in my ears I ran for the bus. The chill of the day made my face tingle, and this contrasted deliciously with the warmth of morning sun. On the bus, track after track matched my mood. I swear that Mp3 player is psychic. Then came the highlight of any trip to the campus. I have to walk across part of Southampton Common to get from the main campus to the Avenue Campus.

Today it sparkled, glittered, gleamed. Frost had kissed everything making it look magical. With my glamous puss suitcase swinging beside me and the sun beating down. I felt on top of the world. That walk could have lasted forever I would have been so content and happy. I was going home.

Once at Avenue, I went to see if my WW1 tutor had arrived, in order to pick up my essay and exam mark. Unfortunately he wasn't, and hopefully he will have left it with my tutor. That did however mean I caught an earlier bus to the station.

Here things began to go a little topsy turvy. First of all the ticket man was getting so stressed with my attempts to find my railcard that I decided to buy a full price ticket to save him further exasperation. £18 less well off I then decided to buy a paper and some chocolate to nibble on only to find the WHSmiths wouldn't accept my card, and therefore had to usemore of my precious cash.

I did however manage to get on the train wihtout further unction and settled in managing to read every article in my copy of the Times on the journey to Warminster. The secenery slowly changed from the suburn Hampshire to the rolling downs of Wiltshire. With each town I felt more and more excited and like I was beaming light fro my inside out. Something about the golden ploughed fields, where the chalky soil catches the light, just made me sigh with contentment.

When I arrive, I nearly forgot to pick up my suitcase, but rushed out just before the train doors shut to be greeted by Rob.

Two and a half weeks is too long.

We did a little shopping and errands, and have so far spent a lazy day together, me knitting, him gaming. The Winter Olympics opening ceremony has just ended and so I am off to bed.

Love to Fran - I hope things get better soon and hopefully I'll manage to see you next time I'm down.

A survey for want of something better

SIMPLE QUESTIONS:

Full name: Alexandra Ellen Ann Jones
Nick names: Alex, Lex, Lexibug, lexy, Al, Sapphy, Oi you, Goddess, Tiger,
lHeight: 5'1"
Siblings: Two sisters both younger, more talented and better looking. I love them both.
Do you like to sing in the shower: I'm too busy pondering how to get the shampoo out my long hair to sing in the shower.
Do you like to sing? Yes loudly.
Sign: Libra if you mean astrology, or frogs crossing if you mean road.
Lefty or righty: Right
Shoes or sandals: Shoes of the red and sparkly sort
What do you want in a relationship?:Love, acceptance, security, fun.
Marital status: Engaged
"FAVOURITE" QUESTIONS:
Fav. Songs: Kiss from a Rose and Crazy by Seal, She's on Fire by Train, Trouble and Clocks by Coldplay, Teardrop by Massive Attack.
Perfume/Cologne: Very Irresistable by Givenchy
Movie: Serenity, Moulin Rouge, Ameile.
Number: 2 or 3
Card game: Poker strip or other wise.
Radio station: Radio 4
Sports: I like playing badminton, and watching football, motorbike racing, ice skating and snowboarding.
Food: Anything home made with good ingredients, when out, baked aubergine in a tomato sauce and mozzerella.
TV show: Lost
Cartoon: Arnold as in arnold with the cool theme tune. *Hey what wonderful kind of day...*
Character: Maria Merryweather.
Colour: RED.
A LITTLE BIT 'N' THAT:
Do you plan on having kids: Yes in about 7yrs time.
How many do you want? Two please, or a gaggle of four boys,just don't tell Rob about the last one!
Who's your celebrity crush? Ewan McGregor and Johnny Depp
Would you have kids before marriage? Hopefully Not!
Do you have a b/f or g/f?: a fiance
Do you have a crush: Yes on Amy and Hannah. they are me girls. nuff said.
What hurts you the most? When people don't appreciate the lengths you've gone for them.
ONE OR THE OTHER:
Music/TV: Music telly! No, really jazz violin.
Guys/Girls?: Always men...better company
Green/Blue?: The shade of blue your eyes are.
Pink/Purple: A rich regal purple.
Summer/winter: Winter or autumn, I hate being too hot.
Night/Day: Night time is the right time to quote the cheesy christmas song
Hangin out/chillin out: Chilling out with wine and a good book.
Dopey/Funny: Funny
You know I'm around when: Things stop making sense, or there's some very good food.
What school do you go to/where do u work? Student of History at the University of Southampton.
Do you enjoy school?I loved school.
What's a major turn on for you: Thoughtful gestures.
FRIENDS!
Whiniest: Erin
Nicest: Amy
Funniest:Filthy
What's the worst thing a friend could do to you? Blank me.
Which people do you trust the most: Rob.
Do you believe in soul mates: No, I believe in kindred spirits
Is it right to flirt if you have a bf or gf?: Only if they don't mind
OTHER RANDOM QUESTIONS...
What and when was the last thing you cried over or got teary over?When I was talking to chris when I was homesick.
What music instruments do u play? Grade 1 piano and my voice.
What do you want right now? Get my stoopid WW1 essay and exam mark so i can go home early tomorrow.
What's one thing you can't live without? Love, knitting and food.
Love or Lust: Love
Silver or gold: Silver
Diamond or pearl: Diamonds are forever, pearls are for tears. Both in equal doses.
Sunset or sunrise: Sunrise alone, sunset with company.
Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?: No but I want to. Who will join me?
Do you sleep with stuffed animals?: No, but Dr. Evil the Bear lives on my window sill.
Do you have any piercings?: My ears are peirced twice in one and one in the other. Damn poor beauticians who pierced the first too low down.
What colour underpants are you wearing?:Pink with a grey trim and a fairy cake print.
What song are you listening to right now?: The hum of my laptop.
What are the last 4 digits of your home phone?: 3288 here.
Where would you want to go on your honeymoon?: I'm going to Devon to country house hotel on the back Rob's motor bike.
Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with? Rob.
Some of the first things you notice about the opposite sex? Posture, hands, face.
What makes you happy?: Hugs, Rob's face when he sees me after a two week break, good food and dancing.
Do you wear contacts or glasses?: Glasses when my eyes get tired.
What was the best advice ever given to you?: Think before you speak.
Do you like Funny or Scary movies better?: I like scary movies that are so bad they're funny.
On the phone or in person?: I actually have a mild phobia of phones, so in person please.
Hugs or kisses?: Mostly Hugs.
What song reflects you most?:Teardrop by Massive Attack.
If you died tomorrow who would you leave everything to?: Rob if he wanted all my crap, my firends if not.
Do you have any enemies?:Not that I know of apart from the evil twin from Belgium
Rich or famous?: Rich, then I can buy my restaurant:)
Math / Science?: Science at a push, but only if it's chemistry and I can blow things up.
What time is it where you are?: 1525
Have you ever met Santa?: Yes.
Any pets?:Not of my own, no. Though my sisters have fish, gerbils and guinea pigs.
Who was the last person you danced with?: A guy called Will who didn't have a partner the night my ballroom partner hurt his back.
Last time you were stressed?:This morning trying to find the right book in the library.
Are you an alcoholic?: No.
Who sent this to you?:Erin.
What do you think of this person?: She is stark raving mad, and ridiculously happy and smiley.

A survey for want of something better

SIMPLE QUESTIONS:

Full name: Alexandra Ellen Ann Jones
Nick names: Alex, Lex, Lexibug, lexy, Al, Sapphy, Oi you, Goddess, Tiger,
lHeight: 5'1"
Siblings: Two sisters both younger, more talented and better looking. I love them both.
Do you like to sing in the shower: I'm too busy pondering how to get the shampoo out my long hair to sing in the shower.
Do you like to sing? Yes loudly.
Sign: Libra if you mean astrology, or frogs crossing if you mean road.
Lefty or righty: Right
Shoes or sandals: Shoes of the red and sparkly sort
What do you want in a relationship?:Love, acceptance, security, fun.
Marital status: Engaged
"FAVOURITE" QUESTIONS:
Fav. Songs: Kiss from a Rose and Crazy by Seal, She's on Fire by Train, Trouble and Clocks by Coldplay, Teardrop by Massive Attack.
Perfume/Cologne: Very Irresistable by Givenchy
Movie: Serenity, Moulin Rouge, Ameile.
Number: 2 or 3
Card game: Poker strip or other wise.
Radio station: Radio 4
Sports: I like playing badminton, and watching football, motorbike racing, ice skating and snowboarding.
Food: Anything home made with good ingredients, when out, baked aubergine in a tomato sauce and mozzerella.
TV show: Lost
Cartoon: Arnold as in arnold with the cool theme tune. *Hey what wonderful kind of day...*
Character: Maria Merryweather.
Colour: RED.
A LITTLE BIT 'N' THAT:
Do you plan on having kids: Yes in about 7yrs time.
How many do you want? Two please, or a gaggle of four boys,just don't tell Rob about the last one!
Who's your celebrity crush? Ewan McGregor and Johnny Depp
Would you have kids before marriage? Hopefully Not!
Do you have a b/f or g/f?: a fiance
Do you have a crush: Yes on Amy and Hannah. they are me girls. nuff said.
What hurts you the most? When people don't appreciate the lengths you've gone for them.
ONE OR THE OTHER:
Music/TV: Music telly! No, really jazz violin.
Guys/Girls?: Always men...better company
Green/Blue?: The shade of blue your eyes are.
Pink/Purple: A rich regal purple.
Summer/winter: Winter or autumn, I hate being too hot.
Night/Day: Night time is the right time to quote the cheesy christmas song
Hangin out/chillin out: Chilling out with wine and a good book.
Dopey/Funny: Funny
You know I'm around when: Things stop making sense, or there's some very good food.
What school do you go to/where do u work? Student of History at the University of Southampton.
Do you enjoy school?I loved school.
What's a major turn on for you: Thoughtful gestures.
FRIENDS!
Whiniest: Erin
Nicest: Amy
Funniest:Filthy
What's the worst thing a friend could do to you? Blank me.
Which people do you trust the most: Rob.
Do you believe in soul mates: No, I believe in kindred spirits
Is it right to flirt if you have a bf or gf?: Only if they don't mind
OTHER RANDOM QUESTIONS...
What and when was the last thing you cried over or got teary over?When I was talking to chris when I was homesick.
What music instruments do u play? Grade 1 piano and my voice.
What do you want right now? Get my stoopid WW1 essay and exam mark so i can go home early tomorrow.
What's one thing you can't live without? Love, knitting and food.
Love or Lust: Love
Silver or gold: Silver
Diamond or pearl: Diamonds are forever, pearls are for tears. Both in equal doses.
Sunset or sunrise: Sunrise alone, sunset with company.
Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?: No but I want to. Who will join me?
Do you sleep with stuffed animals?: No, but Dr. Evil the Bear lives on my window sill.
Do you have any piercings?: My ears are peirced twice in one and one in the other. Damn poor beauticians who pierced the first too low down.
What colour underpants are you wearing?:Pink with a grey trim and a fairy cake print.
What song are you listening to right now?: The hum of my laptop.
What are the last 4 digits of your home phone?: 3288 here.
Where would you want to go on your honeymoon?: I'm going to Devon to country house hotel on the back Rob's motor bike.
Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with? Rob.
Some of the first things you notice about the opposite sex? Posture, hands, face.
What makes you happy?: Hugs, Rob's face when he sees me after a two week break, good food and dancing.
Do you wear contacts or glasses?: Glasses when my eyes get tired.
What was the best advice ever given to you?: Think before you speak.
Do you like Funny or Scary movies better?: I like scary movies that are so bad they're funny.
On the phone or in person?: I actually have a mild phobia of phones, so in person please.
Hugs or kisses?: Mostly Hugs.
What song reflects you most?:Teardrop by Massive Attack.
If you died tomorrow who would you leave everything to?: Rob if he wanted all my crap, my firends if not.
Do you have any enemies?:Not that I know of apart from the evil twin from Belgium
Rich or famous?: Rich, then I can buy my restaurant:)
Math / Science?: Science at a push, but only if it's chemistry and I can blow things up.
What time is it where you are?: 1525
Have you ever met Santa?: Yes.
Any pets?:Not of my own, no. Though my sisters have fish, gerbils and guinea pigs.
Who was the last person you danced with?: A guy called Will who didn't have a partner the night my ballroom partner hurt his back.
Last time you were stressed?:This morning trying to find the right book in the library.
Are you an alcoholic?: No.
Who sent this to you?:Erin.
What do you think of this person?: She is stark raving mad, and ridiculously happy and smiley.

small world

I MAY LIVE ON
I may live on until
I long for this time
In which I am so unhappy,
And remember it fondly.

Nagaraeba
Mata kono goro ya
Shinobaremu
Ushi to mishi yo zo
Ima wa koishiki
Fujiwara No Kiyosuke

small world

I MAY LIVE ON
I may live on until
I long for this time
In which I am so unhappy,
And remember it fondly.

Nagaraeba
Mata kono goro ya
Shinobaremu
Ushi to mishi yo zo
Ima wa koishiki
Fujiwara No Kiyosuke