NaBloMoPo 13 - What is the bravest thing you've ever done?

I think one of the bravest things I've ever done was be open to talking about my ectopic pregnancy - If you like you can read about it here.

And one of the other bravest things was standing up to my childhood bully in the middle of a history class, to say I wouldn't take her crap anymore.

I suppose taking a one year contract when I had a permanent job was pretty brave too.

I try and be as open as I can about the pregnancy.

There are these little pockets of life that we don't speak about. That sex is messy and you'll usually need to clean yourself up a bit afterwards. That death happens, and bodies have to be washed and dressed and readied for the grave. That some people have more or less money, and use it in way A or way B.

I think of my ectopic pregnancy like that. When it first happened, I felt like I couldn't talk about it, like it was shameful. Because I'd got pregnant without planning it, because we weren't married, because it didn't end up in a baby, because I was using a long term contraceptive at the time. All these things are not shameful. But it felt it a bit.

And because it meant the world would know I had had sex. *gasp*

It also makes me feel sad. A lot then, a little every now and again nowadays.

So talking about it is hard. But then I think, if I don't talk about it, some woman might ignore the warning signs like I did. Someone might be feeling ashamed too, or sad too. And I want them to know they're not alone.

NaBloPoMo 12 - scraping in

We'll its all been go here today. There's a lovely combination of mist and stars outside tonight, And I enjoyed it muchly on my drive home from my jive class.

Work was satisfyingly productive. I saw four squirrels on the same tree, and I got home at a decent hour.

I made a spot of dinner in the camp kitchen, fixed my hair in a much less elaborate jive style and tootled off.

It was great to catch up with Ruth, and we both danced both well and often. A swishy skirt does make a lot of difference.

And now to bed!

NaBloPoMo 11 - the strength of friendship

Stsx point in strike into the phone.
So that didn't work. I thought I'd experiment today by using the voice input on my phone. Let's stick to Swyping shall we?
Tom and I didn't get up in time to go to church to our shame. It would be alot easier for us night owls if there was an evening service.
So instead we did what the rest of the middle class British world seems to do on a Sunday, and went to a DIY store for more kitchen supplies.
I then spent a large amount of time on my stomach on the floor trying to hammer panel pins into scotia. And cursing the former occupants of our house who thought designer radiators were a good idea. The radiator in the dining room is a cylinder of blades, just under two metres long, and about 20 cm above floor level, along a wall. Trying to get my hammer behind that was hard.
I also spent a huge amount of time today being amazed by our friends. I think I can say 'our friends' by now. Most if the people helping today were people Tom met at college. But they've taken me under their wing. And they work incredibly hard. They turned up cheerily this after noon, after working late into the night last night.
Now, the contents of the kitchen is in the living room, the fridge is in the dining room and the tiles and units are gone from the kitchen.
These hard working friends make me feel very loved. I tried to pay them back by making pasta bake and chocolate pudding, but had to do it at Laura's house, as we have no kitchen. Obviously. They are certainly storing up favours for when they have their own houses to do up.
Here are the progress pics.

NaBloPoMo 10 - flowers and flapjack

As you will have seen from the instagram photos, the kitchen project is under way.

Ben, Laura and Hannah came and helped move the contents of the dining room into the living room last night. We took up the old underlay and hammered in or removed old nails. They were rewarded with gelato from Sprinkles.

Today, Jon arrived bright and early, and he and Tom went shopping for supplies, and to take rubbish to the dump.

Whilst they were out, I went to church to arrange flowers for Remembrance Sunday. We use silk poppies, which makes things slightly more challenging. I also used what was left of the arrangements from the wedding to make a little something for the Mary window.

Since I got back, I've been helping Tom and Jon put space age underlay down in the dining room.

The first planks of the laminate are going in and look lovely. I'm a bit of spare part until Tom goes back to his essay, so I've been making some flapjack. Where we'll be without a kitchen for a bit, I wanted to make something that would keep.

Jon arrives and the underlay goes down

via Instagram http://instagr.am/p/R2crq1neTk/

Hannah and chisel

via Instagram http://instagr.am/p/R0t4GyHeTF/

Tom checks the under floor

via Instagram http://instagr.am/p/R0rL_7neQo/

King of the castle

via Instagram http://instagr.am/p/R0rGqEHeQj/

Before

via Instagram http://instagr.am/p/R0rDAwHeQh/

NaBloPoMo 9 - If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would it be?

If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would it be?

I would love a permanent job contract. Ideally with my current employer.

If I had a permanent job contract, we could look at buying a new house, start having a conversation again about whether or not we want children.

I could plan for some more career progression. We could plan for where Tom might want to work when he's finished his training.

The security would be lovely.

Ideally, I'd love a permanent contract for my current job. For 18 months or so now, I have woken up most days, thinking about what exciting thing I'm going to do. It's fulfilling, and I get to see some beautiful places. The people are passionate and interesting. And I just love it!

NaBloPoMo 8 - Any job?

If you could have any job (and instantly have the training and qualifications to do it), which job would you want?
Here's how my thoughts went when I read this:
The dream job would Director General of the National Trust ;-)
Or a job where I can be some kind of consultant where I could come in and troubleshoot and fix things.
Owner of a profitable wool shop/bar combo.

NaBloPoMo 7- in which I achieve

One of the things about being an adult that they never tell you about when you're a kid, is the paperwork.

Endless amounts of bills, letters and forms to be paid, filed and filled out and sent off.

You would think that in this digital age, a standard for signing documents digitally would have come to the fore. But no. I have to print things out, sign them and post them off. Or worse, print, sign and scan back in.

I've actually taken to creating an image file of my signature and pasting it in to documents. I do it fresh each time and delete it after to try and avoid security risks.

So today I feel very accomplished because I collated scans of three lots of identification and filled in a long outstanding form.

I posted happy post letters to friends.

Tomorrow I will conquer Tom's expenses.

I also feel very pleased with myself because I survived my first trip to a DIY shop all by myself to purchase serious quantities. I've been in before for the odd item, but we're talking 500 quids worth tonight.

In very boring grown up fashion we're going to do up our kitchen over the coming weeks. I was entrusted by Tom to purchase new flooring, insulation and other flooring gubbins to kick start the project.

The only difficulty came when I had to push the trolley laden with 11 packs  of laminate flooring.

But I managed, and they're all stacked up in our house now.

NaBloPoMo 6 - If you were President of the United States, what would be your first act in office?

Apart from abdicate to an American citizen?

Get rid of the nuclear weapons.

Setup a proper healthcare system.

Simplify the tax system.

----------------------------------
Yesterday we had another PCC meeting at church. Had to vote against a budget that needed a £11k fundraising total to balance it. It's just not realistic! We could make that money if we put an enormous amount of time in, but in other years we've had more like £1k - £5k a year.

I feel quite strongly that we should be looking to increase the lettings to account for the need for an increased income. We can't get away from the fact that we have an £8k gas bill for example. But the building isn't full everyday, every week.

So if you'd like to help - why not hire our function rooms for your next children's birthday party or business meeting?

NaBloPoMo 5 - What are your thoughts about tomorrow's election in the United States?

What are your thoughts about tomorrow's election in the United States?

As a feminist with liberal leanings, I hope Obama wins again to help protect the rights of American women to access contraception and abortion.

As a Briton with socialist leanings, I hope Obama wins again to help protect the right of all Americans to health insurance.

But. I'm not American.

So I hope and pray my American friends make a choice that accurately reflects the will of the country. That's all we can ask for in a democracy.

Waffle recipe to remember

http://su.pr/1DkDNa

NaBloPoMo 4 - Lazy Sunday

Today we woke to the noise of drumming and babies crying.

I think most of the people at the party decided in that moment to rethink their plans to have children.

We eased out of bed, laughed at Lula for spending the night sleeping in the bath. When the shoppers returned with supplies, Tom cooked breakfast for everyone.

I was suffering with being allergic to Louisa's dog, so we beat a retreat. We trundled off home, and cleaned it gently, and made spicy giant cous cous with halloumi for my friend Laura.

She turned up about 1:30, and we sat down for an enjoyable dinner and chat. I did some knitting tech support for her, and we ate the epic crumble she had made for us whilst watching Sherlock.

After she left, we've been quietly watching more Sherlock, napping, and getting ready for Monday.

It's so nice to have Tom home. Just to be in each other's presence and to be quiet together.

Toddy and his hareem

via Instagram http://instagr.am/p/RlgXFwHeX0/

NaBloPoMo 3 - off to a party

We're at Louisa's for a party tonight. I've bartered sleep in a proper bed for making curry and naan for the party.

We're sat chilling waiting for the party to start with wine and a roaring fire.

Today Tom and I have had a lazy lie in and shopped for party food. Last night we went to eat tasty pork from Oink and had icecream.

The highlight of last night was Tom teasing Ben and Laura's hamster. It would run up a cardboard tube, and Tom would spin the tube as Snoopy was running, delivering the hamster back where he started. The hamster looked so confused, then would try again. Then the hamster got bored.

NaBloPoMo 2 - If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

A large farmhouse on the edge of a village that had a church, a farm shop and good primary school. Somewhere in rural England

There'd be room enough for you to all come to dinner at Christmas. Roaring fires, wild gardens.

Space for painting and making and sewing.

An outbuilding or two for Tom's cars and tools.

Friends round the corner or on site so we could pray together often.

NaBloPoMo 1 - Tell us your favourite quotation and why?

It's that time of year again! When I try and blog everyday for November. I'm going to answer the BlogHer NaBloPoMo prompts, and then I'll bring in anything else that catches my interest.

If you've ever had a burning question you'd like me to answer, then feel free to tweet, email, FB me etc, and I will endevour to answer it this month as well.

So.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Tell us your favourite quotation and why.

There's one right up there in the blog layout:

If I can not dance, I want no part in your revolution.

Emma Goldman

Emma Goldman, according to Wikipedia, was a Russian American, writer, feminist, anarchist, atheist who died in 1940. I'm sure she and I would have had a whale of a time debating.

Wikiquotes says:

From her autobiography: 'Living My Life', 1931

At the dances I was one of the most untiring and gayest. One evening a cousin of Sasha, a young boy, took me aside. With a grave face, as if he were about to announce the death of a dear comrade, he whispered to me that it did not behoove an agitator to dance. Certainly not with such reckless abandon, anyway. It was undignified for one who was on the way to become a force in the anarchist movement. My frivolity would only hurt the Cause.

I grew furious at the impudent interference of the boy. I told him to mind his own business. I was tired of having the Cause constantly thrown into my face. I did not believe that a Cause which stood for a beautiful ideal, for anarchism, for release and freedom from convention and prejudice, should demand the denial of life and joy. I insisted that our Cause could not expect me to become a nun and that the movement would not be turned into a cloister. If it meant that, I did not want it. "I want freedom, the right to self-expression, everybody's right to beautiful, radiant things." Anarchism meant that to me, and I would live it in spite of the whole world — prisons, persecution, everything. Yes, even in spite of the condemnation of my own closest comrades I would live my beautiful ideal. (p. 56)

This incident was the source of a statement commonly attributed to Goldman that occurs in several variants: 

If I can't dance, it's not my revolution!
If I can't dance, I don't want your revolution!
If I can't dance, I don't want to be part of your revolution.
A revolution without dancing is not a revolution worth having.
If there won't be dancing at the revolution, I'm not coming. 

So, it seems she didn't ever say my exact quote, but I think the passage that inspires this sums up why this is a favourite of mine.

I think often those of us who take up causes get bogged down in the misery of it all, the neverending struggle. And we miss the joy of living. There's a line in Anglican liturgy, I've talked about it here bedore, may God hallow the small and ordinary things. There's so much beauty in this world to be celebrated  along the way as we fight injustice.

So as we struggle in our myriad ways, I hope we can all take a little joy in the mere act of existing. For me, I often find that joy on a dancefloor, spinning and spinning and spinning. I never dance to be watched, I dance for how it makes me feel inside. Body and music as one.

So, if there is to be a revolution, I will be dancing towards it, and dancing after it.