Today or Yesterday depending if you've slept....

Today I jumped rather uncermoniously out of bed at 7am, ran off to the loo then jumped back in bed till 8am. Today was one of the glorious days where there are no lectures till 11am so I afforded myself the luxury of an hour more of heaven. When I did finally get up I had the pleasure of trying to find something delicious to wear as there was a bright bright sun in the sky! I settled on a denim mini dress with spaghetti straps and a white crossover cropped t - shirt to protect my whiter than white shoulders.

When I had finished my bus ride and walk combo to the Arts campus, I realised I had powerwalked it and managed to arrive ten mins early, so treated my self to dinky bowl of salad and a bottle of Coke and Lime. [PUT THE LIME IN THE COKE YOU NUT! ;-)] The salad bowl included coleslaw, my favourite, and a greek style salad of black olives, feta esque cheese which was too squidgy to be proper feta, red onions, tomatoes and lettuce. I topped this with three melon balls for a random sweet contrast because I'm random.

My seminar today was on History and Film, and I managed to blag my way through it as unfortunately, everytime I'd gone to watch the set films, only the feature film, Elizabeth was in, not the documentary Elizabeth by David Starkey. My group were set the questions on the feature film to discuss, and we did eventually. To be perfectly honest the group were hopeless. Two of the girls appeared to know each other well, thus excluding me and the other guy, let me get on with discussing our answers with the seminar tutor, and then nominated me the speaker for the presentation. I flatly refused to do it alone as this was groupwork, and so was cut off everytime I tried to speak during our presentation. The rest of the seminar became a discussion on the current and future nature of American politics, with the consensus in the group being our dream election scenario would be Condaleeza Rice vs Hilary Clinton. There was an interesting moment when the chairman of the other group couldn't take his eyes off me knitting with out looking at what I was doing. Knitting does tend to mesmerise people.

I then spent a few hours searching for texts for my next essay and paying though the nose for photocopying services. Upon returning home I sat and knitted, ate ice lollies, watched bits of the Apprentice online and then workedcreally hard. A satisfying day.

Today or Yesterday depending if you've slept....

Today I jumped rather uncermoniously out of bed at 7am, ran off to the loo then jumped back in bed till 8am. Today was one of the glorious days where there are no lectures till 11am so I afforded myself the luxury of an hour more of heaven. When I did finally get up I had the pleasure of trying to find something delicious to wear as there was a bright bright sun in the sky! I settled on a denim mini dress with spaghetti straps and a white crossover cropped t - shirt to protect my whiter than white shoulders.

When I had finished my bus ride and walk combo to the Arts campus, I realised I had powerwalked it and managed to arrive ten mins early, so treated my self to dinky bowl of salad and a bottle of Coke and Lime. [PUT THE LIME IN THE COKE YOU NUT! ;-)] The salad bowl included coleslaw, my favourite, and a greek style salad of black olives, feta esque cheese which was too squidgy to be proper feta, red onions, tomatoes and lettuce. I topped this with three melon balls for a random sweet contrast because I'm random.

My seminar today was on History and Film, and I managed to blag my way through it as unfortunately, everytime I'd gone to watch the set films, only the feature film, Elizabeth was in, not the documentary Elizabeth by David Starkey. My group were set the questions on the feature film to discuss, and we did eventually. To be perfectly honest the group were hopeless. Two of the girls appeared to know each other well, thus excluding me and the other guy, let me get on with discussing our answers with the seminar tutor, and then nominated me the speaker for the presentation. I flatly refused to do it alone as this was groupwork, and so was cut off everytime I tried to speak during our presentation. The rest of the seminar became a discussion on the current and future nature of American politics, with the consensus in the group being our dream election scenario would be Condaleeza Rice vs Hilary Clinton. There was an interesting moment when the chairman of the other group couldn't take his eyes off me knitting with out looking at what I was doing. Knitting does tend to mesmerise people.

I then spent a few hours searching for texts for my next essay and paying though the nose for photocopying services. Upon returning home I sat and knitted, ate ice lollies, watched bits of the Apprentice online and then workedcreally hard. A satisfying day.

Now I know why teething babies cry!

My wisdom teeth aren't half giving me gip! They are coming through at the back in the roof of my mouth and boy do they hurt. I didn't got to my lectures today because of the pain. But still they were the last one on my course so I will be hunting up noted from those at some point.

Been pottering around today. Did clothes washing with Chris, and watched some Battlestar Galactica. Chris and I are somewhat obsessed, though with the end of the series growing near I dunno what wil fill our work breaks in the coming weeks.

I have been knitting. Started a new sock as the finishing on Arisaig is driving me mad. The sock is a bastardised creation og my own with a Grantley insertion in offset rows across the calf section. Pics When I can.

This evening I think I will cook nice food and read about Russia and the First Crusades to try and plan my revision schedule.

Now I know why teething babies cry!

My wisdom teeth aren't half giving me gip! They are coming through at the back in the roof of my mouth and boy do they hurt. I didn't got to my lectures today because of the pain. But still they were the last one on my course so I will be hunting up noted from those at some point.

Been pottering around today. Did clothes washing with Chris, and watched some Battlestar Galactica. Chris and I are somewhat obsessed, though with the end of the series growing near I dunno what wil fill our work breaks in the coming weeks.

I have been knitting. Started a new sock as the finishing on Arisaig is driving me mad. The sock is a bastardised creation og my own with a Grantley insertion in offset rows across the calf section. Pics When I can.

This evening I think I will cook nice food and read about Russia and the First Crusades to try and plan my revision schedule.

Its as big as my head!

Elisa was given this as a present from Chrisby who'd been on holiday in France. I want one One for my very own. She said my need is greater than hers as my essay is not going well.Every girl needs a 3 kg jar of Nutella. Happy thoughts and nutella covered wishes my way greatly appreciated. 771 words out of 2000.

Its as big as my head!

Elisa was given this as a present from Chrisby who'd been on holiday in France. I want one One for my very own. She said my need is greater than hers as my essay is not going well.Every girl needs a 3 kg jar of Nutella. Happy thoughts and nutella covered wishes my way greatly appreciated. 771 words out of 2000.

A small ditty for the day

" You have odd socks on too,
One is black,
And one is blue! "

I have been enjoying the posts of The Girl Who Ate Everything today in my work breaks. She has somewhat of a sandwhich fetish, and I too being a bread lover got it into my head that I needed some deliciousness. Fortunately, Chris and I had purchased some such delicious ingredients in yesterdays shopping. So lunch today was two slices of wholemeal granary, lightly buttered, (extra special for the loaf being half price), some Branston's pickle, Mature Australian Cheddar cheese sliced thinly, cucumber and tomatoes. Chris sliced in beautifully into triangles so it even felt like we'd bought it from a deli. This was followed by scones I'd made last night at midnight when I'd got fed up with working. A cup of tea completed my lovely lunch.

Baking and cooking has become my touchstone a bit. I use it to relax. Especially kneading dough.

A small ditty for the day

" You have odd socks on too,
One is black,
And one is blue! "

I have been enjoying the posts of The Girl Who Ate Everything today in my work breaks. She has somewhat of a sandwhich fetish, and I too being a bread lover got it into my head that I needed some deliciousness. Fortunately, Chris and I had purchased some such delicious ingredients in yesterdays shopping. So lunch today was two slices of wholemeal granary, lightly buttered, (extra special for the loaf being half price), some Branston's pickle, Mature Australian Cheddar cheese sliced thinly, cucumber and tomatoes. Chris sliced in beautifully into triangles so it even felt like we'd bought it from a deli. This was followed by scones I'd made last night at midnight when I'd got fed up with working. A cup of tea completed my lovely lunch.

Baking and cooking has become my touchstone a bit. I use it to relax. Especially kneading dough.

Bike racing!

So here we have my bike filled Easter Monday. I went to Thruxton with Rob, his mum, and two friends from church. It was a great day, lovely and sunny in the most part, I got me some sunglasses for £5 that make me look uber cool, and I saw some amazing bike racing. We sat overlooking the wiggly chicane (It's a technical term you know - ;-) ) and there was some seriously daredevil over taking!

Great fun, especially the sea of bikes parked up in the fields and riding down in a sea of bikers.

Bike racing!

So here we have my bike filled Easter Monday. I went to Thruxton with Rob, his mum, and two friends from church. It was a great day, lovely and sunny in the most part, I got me some sunglasses for £5 that make me look uber cool, and I saw some amazing bike racing. We sat overlooking the wiggly chicane (It's a technical term you know - ;-) ) and there was some seriously daredevil over taking!

Great fun, especially the sea of bikes parked up in the fields and riding down in a sea of bikers.

Indeed

Knitting and work have rather stalled...

...because of these beauties!

That is Lindor mini eggs, solid milk choc eggs, and what was 21 Cadbury's Cream eggs, though I have eaten one:)

Happy Easter all!

Indeed

Knitting and work have rather stalled...

...because of these beauties!

That is Lindor mini eggs, solid milk choc eggs, and what was 21 Cadbury's Cream eggs, though I have eaten one:)

Happy Easter all!

The Remains of the Day

or the End of the Affair

Like the end of a party, the hollow deflated feeling, like what I imagine post wedding or postpartum blues, the expectation the anticipation and then its gone and it wasn't ever going to be enough. Even though there's the future lovelyness, the immediate is gone.

I need my books, I need to be able to read again for enjoyment and not because I have to, because when I read I'm gone, and the world can come in instead. The remains of the day can comfort me. The remains of the day, I always loved that phrase, how dusk is the sweetest moment, filled with memories of your day's happiness.

I shall knit myself my own stripy jumper and be proud of it and use it like a pillow cover when it wears out, like I've used other jumpers to help lull me to sleep. The stripy one was the best.

You don't know what you've got till it's gone eh? Pity not everyone learns that sooner rather than later. We should be born with such wisdom, the angels should never haven stolen that from us before birth.

I'm worried I'm slipping into some sort of depression, Rob has moaned that I'm never happy any more, and to be fair I don't think I have been for some time. There has been very little that has made me smile and far more to make me cry and for the life of me I cannot think of a good reason. Except for the shoddiest timing ever to befall me.

There is nothing wrong with me. How I wish there was in a way, because then there would be a reason for feeling like this. I'm relatively healthy, not overweight by much, pretty enough, intelligent enough, sucessful enough and by all rights I should be beaming.

I can't beam. Without you in my arms
I feel so bad, because I can't give Rob reasons why I'm sad.

The Remains of the Day

or the End of the Affair

Like the end of a party, the hollow deflated feeling, like what I imagine post wedding or postpartum blues, the expectation the anticipation and then its gone and it wasn't ever going to be enough. Even though there's the future lovelyness, the immediate is gone.

I need my books, I need to be able to read again for enjoyment and not because I have to, because when I read I'm gone, and the world can come in instead. The remains of the day can comfort me. The remains of the day, I always loved that phrase, how dusk is the sweetest moment, filled with memories of your day's happiness.

I shall knit myself my own stripy jumper and be proud of it and use it like a pillow cover when it wears out, like I've used other jumpers to help lull me to sleep. The stripy one was the best.

You don't know what you've got till it's gone eh? Pity not everyone learns that sooner rather than later. We should be born with such wisdom, the angels should never haven stolen that from us before birth.

I'm worried I'm slipping into some sort of depression, Rob has moaned that I'm never happy any more, and to be fair I don't think I have been for some time. There has been very little that has made me smile and far more to make me cry and for the life of me I cannot think of a good reason. Except for the shoddiest timing ever to befall me.

There is nothing wrong with me. How I wish there was in a way, because then there would be a reason for feeling like this. I'm relatively healthy, not overweight by much, pretty enough, intelligent enough, sucessful enough and by all rights I should be beaming.

I can't beam. Without you in my arms
I feel so bad, because I can't give Rob reasons why I'm sad.

A task set by Cecil....

A city and why I am there....

Autumn sun streamed down upon my braided hair. I suppose some would have called it an Indian Summer, but that would not have cut it, so to speak, if you had been there too.

If only you had been there. You always did love it when I wore my hair in plaits and tripped about in swirly skirts. Here the canals have not the grace of Amsterdam, the somewhat majestic architectural texture. These are more organic. For all their straight lines, the algae glowed orange and green on brick banks. This place is alive.

I laughed alot then. I rushed to peer into the houses running along side the canals as the Dutch don't 'do' net curtains. Some puritain thing about having nothing to hide. The modern, post - war clever houses snuck in between the older 17th Century ones like sheepish or unforthcoming guests.

Always onward I went. Looking. Searching. This place, this place was magic, like Vermeer paintings or LSD trips. The light caught water, caught white painted window frames and burst into fragments of colour like the pansies in the window boxes.

I was a poppy, swept along by the breeze that day. I ran round bicycles, I ignored ducks, my red skirts trailed as I blazed along my course.

It was there you know.

In the centre of the city, or rather what was. Leiden's Star. A fortress pointing the rose of the compass. You should have been there with me. You should have been. I climbed up stairs that had no railing or bannister. These were hewn from stone brought by boat. A journey embedded in masonary.

If only you had been there.

I stood for a long time. Letting the light seer into my eyeballs. The church roofs glittered, the chimneys of days gone by smoked in turn and I laughed.

I knew I loved you then.

A task set by Cecil....

A city and why I am there....

Autumn sun streamed down upon my braided hair. I suppose some would have called it an Indian Summer, but that would not have cut it, so to speak, if you had been there too.

If only you had been there. You always did love it when I wore my hair in plaits and tripped about in swirly skirts. Here the canals have not the grace of Amsterdam, the somewhat majestic architectural texture. These are more organic. For all their straight lines, the algae glowed orange and green on brick banks. This place is alive.

I laughed alot then. I rushed to peer into the houses running along side the canals as the Dutch don't 'do' net curtains. Some puritain thing about having nothing to hide. The modern, post - war clever houses snuck in between the older 17th Century ones like sheepish or unforthcoming guests.

Always onward I went. Looking. Searching. This place, this place was magic, like Vermeer paintings or LSD trips. The light caught water, caught white painted window frames and burst into fragments of colour like the pansies in the window boxes.

I was a poppy, swept along by the breeze that day. I ran round bicycles, I ignored ducks, my red skirts trailed as I blazed along my course.

It was there you know.

In the centre of the city, or rather what was. Leiden's Star. A fortress pointing the rose of the compass. You should have been there with me. You should have been. I climbed up stairs that had no railing or bannister. These were hewn from stone brought by boat. A journey embedded in masonary.

If only you had been there.

I stood for a long time. Letting the light seer into my eyeballs. The church roofs glittered, the chimneys of days gone by smoked in turn and I laughed.

I knew I loved you then.

Last one left...

As I write I can hear Chris locking his room as he leaves for the Easter Holidays.

That makes me the last one left on my floor.
The silence is refreshing. I could wonder around naked is I should so choose to do so.

I can now hear Rob's feet clicking. He's taking me home soon.

And much as I want to go back home to family, and the rolling green of Wiltshire, I am a little sad. As Southampton is a part of me now. There are memories here. Friends are attached to this place.

It's a pleasant bittersweet feeling. To have allegiance somewhere other than where your family resides.

There is much to do this Easter. Three assessd written assignments, one on the disneyization of a local public history site, one on the role of women during the Russian Revolutions and one on a title I have yet to choose, but it must be related to the First Crusade. This work will keep me busy for a long long while.

If I get it done early on there will be time for painting and reading of novels and much much knitting.

I have started knitting a pair of tight fitting jade green gloves, made from the beautiful 100% merino yarn Chris gave me for Christmas. I bought tiny buttons, flowershaped ones that look like they are made from bone, through they are probably plastic to embellish them. I hope they look right against the fine stitch defintition.

Rob is also taking me to a bike race this Easter holiday. I am so very excited.

For once I know who I am and where I am going. This is satifying and exciting and new all at once. I want to cry about it. I don't know why.

Last one left...

As I write I can hear Chris locking his room as he leaves for the Easter Holidays.

That makes me the last one left on my floor.
The silence is refreshing. I could wonder around naked is I should so choose to do so.

I can now hear Rob's feet clicking. He's taking me home soon.

And much as I want to go back home to family, and the rolling green of Wiltshire, I am a little sad. As Southampton is a part of me now. There are memories here. Friends are attached to this place.

It's a pleasant bittersweet feeling. To have allegiance somewhere other than where your family resides.

There is much to do this Easter. Three assessd written assignments, one on the disneyization of a local public history site, one on the role of women during the Russian Revolutions and one on a title I have yet to choose, but it must be related to the First Crusade. This work will keep me busy for a long long while.

If I get it done early on there will be time for painting and reading of novels and much much knitting.

I have started knitting a pair of tight fitting jade green gloves, made from the beautiful 100% merino yarn Chris gave me for Christmas. I bought tiny buttons, flowershaped ones that look like they are made from bone, through they are probably plastic to embellish them. I hope they look right against the fine stitch defintition.

Rob is also taking me to a bike race this Easter holiday. I am so very excited.

For once I know who I am and where I am going. This is satifying and exciting and new all at once. I want to cry about it. I don't know why.

please work

If there could be anything material that I could have it would be thus. (please excuse grammar and spelling. this is cathartic stream of conciousness that i want to shout about, where else but a blog for that)

 

There will be a big farmhouse and the edges of a market town, where they still had a market. it would be red brick and warm and cosy. there'd be a field so rob could play football with the lads and enough land for a couple of sheep and some chickens. i'd have fresh boiled eggs for breakfast with marmite soliders and love. the lounge wouldn't have a telly plugged in to the aerial, only dvds so only good things could be watched, and it's have red velvet sofa and a rug to warm toes in and a pile of books and a pile of yarn.

 

There'd be four happy children and a big kitchen table and light hearted teasing and huge bowls of soup for the world and his mate. and a big range cooker not an aga but a gas one so i could teach the kids about melting marshmellows on rainy days and teach them to spin and make wool and knit teddy sized jumpers.there would be big dinner parties where friends from all over come down and make witty speeches about unidays and football triumphs and drink red wine and eat good cheese. where i'd cook all day and grin when the food disappears in 20 mins and the kids hide under the table cloth to steal brownies and snatches and snippets of jokes and bygone years.

 

There's be a multitude of topsy turvey rooms upstairs and a rowdy teenage music and "where are my socks mum" and laughter they learn to play guitar from their dad.  The master bedroom would have a huge sleigh bed for sex and tears and long summer nights and where small children would creep in when they had a nightmare and for opening presents on at christmas or birthdays. and mothersday breakfast in bed.

 

and we'd bury hamsters in the garden next to begraggled sunflowers and nastursiums

There'd be a recording studio in the barn for rob to work on his producing and where local bands could come rehearse. 

 

My hair would grey and i would wear it in a fat plait encicling my head, and i;d look like mrs christmas and make a red dress like hers to wear in winter to sell baked goods at the WI christmas fair. My face would be creased by a thousand memories happy and sad and they wouls show when i smiled as the ghosts of good laughs. i would be old but cheerfully reckless and wear purples as the poem goes and smile as they brought the grandchildren over for a weekend rolling in the mud and finger painting and making fairy houses in the woods.

 

and i would be happy surrounded by this and never as alone as i feel now

 

 

please work

If there could be anything material that I could have it would be thus. (please excuse grammar and spelling. this is cathartic stream of conciousness that i want to shout about, where else but a blog for that)

 

There will be a big farmhouse and the edges of a market town, where they still had a market. it would be red brick and warm and cosy. there'd be a field so rob could play football with the lads and enough land for a couple of sheep and some chickens. i'd have fresh boiled eggs for breakfast with marmite soliders and love. the lounge wouldn't have a telly plugged in to the aerial, only dvds so only good things could be watched, and it's have red velvet sofa and a rug to warm toes in and a pile of books and a pile of yarn.

 

There'd be four happy children and a big kitchen table and light hearted teasing and huge bowls of soup for the world and his mate. and a big range cooker not an aga but a gas one so i could teach the kids about melting marshmellows on rainy days and teach them to spin and make wool and knit teddy sized jumpers.there would be big dinner parties where friends from all over come down and make witty speeches about unidays and football triumphs and drink red wine and eat good cheese. where i'd cook all day and grin when the food disappears in 20 mins and the kids hide under the table cloth to steal brownies and snatches and snippets of jokes and bygone years.

 

There's be a multitude of topsy turvey rooms upstairs and a rowdy teenage music and "where are my socks mum" and laughter they learn to play guitar from their dad.  The master bedroom would have a huge sleigh bed for sex and tears and long summer nights and where small children would creep in when they had a nightmare and for opening presents on at christmas or birthdays. and mothersday breakfast in bed.

 

and we'd bury hamsters in the garden next to begraggled sunflowers and nastursiums

There'd be a recording studio in the barn for rob to work on his producing and where local bands could come rehearse. 

 

My hair would grey and i would wear it in a fat plait encicling my head, and i;d look like mrs christmas and make a red dress like hers to wear in winter to sell baked goods at the WI christmas fair. My face would be creased by a thousand memories happy and sad and they wouls show when i smiled as the ghosts of good laughs. i would be old but cheerfully reckless and wear purples as the poem goes and smile as they brought the grandchildren over for a weekend rolling in the mud and finger painting and making fairy houses in the woods.

 

and i would be happy surrounded by this and never as alone as i feel now