NaBloPoMo 28 25000 steps in Brugges

Woke up gently and went to breakfast. Hotel had a lovely spread, so stocked up for the day. 

Then off on the Visit Brugge self guided app of the world heritage sites that took us all around the city. I can't get over how pretty it is here. It all looks like a fairy story came to life.

I think we might have visited every one of the many many chocolate shops buying souvenirs to take home. It's lovely to be able to browse without small children asking to buy everything!

One of the favourite things we visited today was the Benguinage, today home to nuns and single women, based on a community of historic Benguines, a community of religious lay women who lived on the site. I found them fascinating, the way of life giving them a way to live independently of male control, supporting themselves independently. They didn't take permanent vows, could come and go as they pleased, and often worked in healthcare, education and textiles. The community ask that those visiting do so in silence and it was quite something to see the groups of guided tours passing through silently. 

We came back to the hotel about 3pm for a cuppa and a snack before checking out the sauna and steam room in the basement vaults. This refreshed us mightily for heading off to the light trail around town. The first site we visited wasn't open which was when we discovered it didn't kick off till 5.30pm. so we used this as an excuse to drink some gluwein in one of the Christmas markets, before returning our shopping to the hotel and heading out again. 

The light trail was fabulous and took us all around a different selection of city sites. Really recommend it.

Dinner of croquettes from the Christmas market before more exploring and heading back to our hotel for another drink in the hotel bar. 

Just had a shower and am all cosy in bed. Looking forward to museums and boat tours tomorrow. 

NaBloPoMo 26, 27

Wed 26 Nov

Managed to get kids up and dressed early enough that there was time for piano practice and TV before school. Managed to magic away a pair of Lydia's gloves somewhere in the house in between getting them out get bag to give them to her and actually giving them to her. 

After the school run, back at my desk for a morning's work, including recruitment paperwork, social media content and lots more. Did some extra time to account for what I missed this week with various kids things and you make sure I'd stayed everything up pre holiday. Then a blood test and the school run. Only picking up Phoebe as Lydia doing gym and going to Rosa's for tea. 

Phoebe to ballet, lovely chat with her in the car about her day and what she could see out the windows. Very excited with her chocolate biscuit for snack. Home for dinner time and getting Phoebe ready for bed.

Lydia arrived home just as I was leaving to go to dinner with Jo and Claire in Stockbridge. Gave the girls extra hugs as might not see them in morning before setting off for my trip. 

Lovely dinner at the Three Cups in Stockbridge, such a cosy pub, even if parking is a bit of a nightmare there. And lovely to catch up with Jo and Claire. 

Home about 1030 for an early night. 

Thurs 27 November 

Up at the crack of dawn to get dressed for my trip. Took breakfast up to the kids and woke them at 645am so I could say goodbye. Lydia in particular very grumpy about me going but placated by the promise of a chocolate heart. 

After a quick breakfast, off to Bitterne station for my first train of the day. Made it to Southampton Central without issues, 30 mins delay due to signal issues at Sway on my train to London Waterloo. They adjusted the timetable so it only stopped at Basingstoke and Waterloo which worked on my favour as half the passenger who wanted the other stations normally served by this train like Winchester had to get off. So I actually got a seat. 

A colleague of mine joined the train at Basingstoke on his way to a meeting at our London office so had a good chat catching up on our way there. 

No issues on the tube to St Pancras either. Enjoyed the people watching. Apparently to be on trend like a Londoner I need a long wooden overcoat, some chunky metal earrings and an oversized shoulder bag.

Located Jess at StPs and we went to pick up some lunch from M&S to eat on the Eurostar and had a cuppa whilst we waited for our check in time. Lovely music box Christmas trees installation to fundraise for Great Ormond Street hospital.

Our check in opened at 11:30 for our 1pm train. Queues for check-in, but they kept moving pretty steadily, and no issues with the passport and security checks. Thought the new entry requirements for the EU might have been enforced by now, but didn't seem to be yet so no finger prints or questions about my intentions, just a passport scan and a photo at the electronic gates. 

Bit of a wait once through security but Jess and I having a whale of a time chatting. Got on to the train easily enough when boarding started as we only had rucksacks and settled in. So busy chatting that barely noticed when we got to the Eurotunnel! Arrived on time in Brussels for about 4pm local time. 

Off the train in to the rush hour crowds, Brussels station seemingly very shiny and clean compared to UK ones. The ticket app didn't like our UK cards so went to locate a ticket machine. Then up to platform 9 for our train to Bruges. Very busy train, people sitting on the stairs up to the upper deck and in the foot wells of the doors. But cleared out after the first stop so we managed to get a seat then.  Oddly only seemed to announce the next station immediately after the previous stop, not as we arrived at stations so had to keep an eye out.

Arrived at Bruges about 5pm into the cold and dark. Happily had accidentally booked our trip to coincide with the Christmas markets. Big installation of trees outside the station and light trail on as well. Very impressed with the quality of the Christmas lights throughout so far, all very tasteful and high end.

Walked for about 20 mins from station through centre of Bruges, stopping to admire the chocolate shops and the Christmas decoration shops en route to the hotel. 

Staying at the Dukes Arches hotel, an excellent find of Jess' . Beautiful building and interiors and a comfy room. Had a cuppa in our room before heading out for dinner and an explore. Booked a table for 8pm at the Diligence bar as they were busy when we passed and headed in to look at the main market and the shops that were still open. It's all like something out a fairy tale. 

Back to the bar for dinner, both had Vlaamse stew and fries and I tried a beer I'd not heard of. Really cosy setting, could have stayed all night. Probably a tourist trap but it was lovely. Came back to the hotel to enjoy their beautiful bar, Jess had a hot chocolate and I had a cherry lambic beer as a night cap. Just in bed now typing this. 

Planning on doing the self guided walking tour of the sites tomorrow and hitting the light trail in the early evening. 

NaBloPoMo 23, 24, 25

 I've reached an age where I can't remember what I did unless I look at my calendar....

Sun 23 Nov

Woke up in a leisurely fashion and went to pick my Papa up from Holbury to drive him over to Brockenhurst to see my Granny in her care home. This year I've committed to taking my Papa over once a month to give my parents and my auntie and uncle a break, as he likes to go every day if he can. Given they've been married for over 60 years, I think that's reasonable, and it gives us a chance to check on him!

Lots of random road closures in the New Forest, so we ended up going via Lyndhurst. My Papa's sense of direction is pretty remarkable given he has macular denegeration and doesn't have great sight these days, he made sure we got there!

Granny was dressed and in the process of being wheeled downstairs for the day, so we asked the carer to bring her to the guest lounge where it's a bit quieter and she can see the passersby out of the window. She was fairly chatty for her, and didn't seem in obvious pain and discomfort, a better visit that some we've had. I'm not sure she remembered who I was until halfway through but that's the way of things now.

Papa and I went for lunch at Adam's Cafe in Hythe after we left, extremely friendly people and tasty good value food. Would definitely go there again. Need to try and get the kids over soon if I can, would be a good place to take them for lunch after.

Once I'd dropped Papa back, home to do laundry and to pack for going away at the weekend. Tom and the kids home about 730pm from his mum's, both girls had fallen asleep in the car. Helped Tom unpack and reheated some leftovers for dinner, which we ate whilst watching Riot Women.

Monday 24 Nov

Up incredibly early today to go to Scotney Castle to run some interviews for a vacancy in my team. Helped Tom get kids ready for breakfast club, got away about 730am. Haven't been to Scotney Castle for a long time, possibly not since 2020. Had to stop for a coffee as was very sleepy. Arrived with 30 mins to spare, printed out the interview questions and settled in. Finished by 1pm, had a chance to whizz round the house looking at the incredible book themed decor. Very much recommend if you're in the area. Treated me and Nina to a mulled apple juice too. 

Left about 2.30pm in case I was needed to pick kids up as Tom on call. Stopped at Clackett Lane services for an important new ways of working call and a wee, then off again. Home about 530pm, Tom not called out which was good. Lydia out to tea at a friends house before beavers, so just Tom me and Phoebe. Salmon curry for tea, Phoebe not a fan and very grumpy. Think she's very tired and ready for the end of term as she's been very defiant recently. Did her bedtime and she went to sleep pretty quickly. Went and got ready for dance just as Lydia was arriving home. No time to wash my hair so did it up in space buns, lots of people commented on how nice it looked, wish I'd got a picture.

Dance pretty quiet and I was knackered, so only stayed till 1030pm. Had some lovely dances though! Home just as Tom was being called out which was good timing.

Tues 25 Nov

Everyone woke up late after their late nights, kids not very happy about getting dressed. Tom kindly got up and helped before going back to bed for the rest of his post call out lie-in. Managed to make it to school just about on time which was good. Home for a morning of meetings about all kinds of things, bit of tech support. Didn't get a chance to go to gym as was finishing up a piece of work before my leave on Thurs, but did squeeze in shopping before the school run.

Phoebe's friend Mina round for a playdate and for tea. I thought I was feeding her mum as well but turns out not in the end. Girls played nicely, and sent Lydia to watch some TV in the green room when I caught her starting to get fractious which was good. Mina's mum went to pick up her little brother from nursery at 5pmish, just at the point where Phoebe started getting grumpy again and I had to act as a bit of a referee whilst cooking dinner. Think I handled it ok - Mina was a little star.

Then the whirl of kids bedtime which went ok too I think - I did Phoebe's bathroom bits and Tom did her story before going on his run, and I helped Lydia with her video editing for her homework video and listened to her read. Tuesdays are homework day as we have no other day in the week to do it around other clubs, and she's managed to do her 5 mins on timestables and piano and reading today which is good.

Spent rest of evening packing for my trip. More on that to come!

NaBloPoMo 22 all by myself

Woken by Phoebe creeping in for her usual morning hug, then up to get her breakfast and to get Lydia up for ballet. Everyone relatively cheerful as it was the weekend. Had a quick shower and packed the girls bag for the weekend, as Tom taking them to his mum's.  Lydia off to ballet with Penelope this morning. 

I then went out to have coffee and a catch up with an old NCT friend, Rachael in Locks Heath. Cute little coffeeshop and lovely catch up. Forgot they had a good wine shop there, so had a look in case there was something for Tom's Christmas present.

Went to Whitley after to do some returns and have a bit of a look around. I needed jeans and gym shorts and had my eye on doing a bit of Christmas shopping whilst I had the chance. Nothing inspiring clothes wise, all the colours so dull. Picked up a few little bits for the kids. 

Was supposed to be going to the pub with another friend this evening but they cancelled so home for an evening of clearing the kitchen, putting washing away and starting to pack for my trip to Bruges next week. The house is very warm and cosy, but missing Tom and the girls without the distraction of being out. 

NaBloPoMo 20 21 London baby

Thurs 20

Woke up really early to get kids ready, Tom taking them to breakfast club. Made my 808am train to London for big team autumn campaign evaluation meeting, then a leaving do for a long-standing colleague. Absolutely love seeing all the lights. My phone camera couldn't do these ones justice but they were so simple and pretty. Had do in Seven Dial Market, heaving at lunch time, but a great place to sit in the afternoon. Home about 6pm, to get car from station to drive to dance via a detour to Tesco to get a meal deal. Dance in the old gym as main hall in use by the school. Freezing cold, but ended up having some great dances. 

Today. 

Up really early for morning walk and tumeric chai with Alex in the frosty dawn. Home up get kids up, made it out without too much trouble. Home to work at home all day on the freezing cold, wearing all the layers and my blanket poncho. Curled up in the sunny conservatory with my lunch to thaw out. Working on social media monitoring, autumn evaluation, recruitment, web training and mentoring today. Then stopped to do Phoebe's hair post bath, dinner of duck breasts and dauphinoise, by candlelight at that seems to chill the kids out a little. Helped Lydia film her extremely elaborate Egyptian project homework then got Phoebe to bed and Lydia showered whilst Tom out tracking down Phoebe's lost water bottle at Trago Lounge. Phoebe asleep now, listening to Tom read Matilda to Lydia in the next room. 

NaBloPoMo 17, 18, 19 feeling a bit low

Feeling a bit pre-periody and low. Have been very gentle with myself, no gym, lots of rest. 

Micheldever office on Monday to work with my colleague Jo. Had fun reviewing the footage from the weekend. Home to help with dinner and then got Phoebe to sleep before dancing. Dancing great as ever, lots of my favourite dancers in. 

Tuesday, working from home. Horrible morning trying to get the kids out the house, busy morning working, sat around reading, went to pick up Tom's autumn socks order from Waitrose. School pickup went badly, kids really grumpy. Got Lydia started on her home work which helped whilst cooked dinner. Difficult bedtime, but got there. Sat and watched TV until Tom got home from home group.

Today. Autumn socks day. Kids got sparkly tights and stripy socks. Here's what I picked for Tom and what Tom got for me. 

Hard work getting kids out the house again, pouring with icy rain. Managed to slip in a puddle and land on my arse. Home to work on loads of random stuff till 1pm. Went to Next to pick up Christmas shopping, tried on loads of pairs of jeans that didn't work for me at all. Greatly need a new pair. Picked up some groceries, then over to Lydia's school for parents evening. She's doing well overall which I'm glad about. Home to an empty house as Tom was out doing Phoebe's ballet and Lydia was at a friend's house for tea. Did some housework until Emily came to pick me up for Ladies night. Sushi and wine at Hannah's with Laura and Emily. Very chill!

NaBloPoMo 16 - fairies

 

Took the girls to Mottisfont today so they could be fairies for a Christmas photoshoot for their Christmas Cinderella offer this year.

Then left them to go dance all afternoon which was a lovely treat. Despite managing to drive into a bollard in the car park. Tom very forgiving as it was his car. 

Home to mussels and chips for tea and bedtime for kids and sorting out lunches and bags and things for the morning. Overall a good day.

NaBloPoMo 15 - family time again

 My turn to get up with the kids today, as Tom really needed a lie - in.

Kids woke up about 8am, got everyone dressed and breakfasted and went off to pick up Lydia's friend to take her to ballet. Took Phoebe with me to give Tom more of lie in. Bit of mistake, 3 girls meant more playing and less listening.

Took them for hot chocolate and cake at Kate's in Portswood, not been in before, very nice, would def go in and try one of their breakfasts one day. Walked big girls over to ballet, Lydia managed to fall off a ramp she was balancing on trying to push Phoebe away just as she needed to go in - big histronics over mud on her hoodie and tights. Managed to get her in telling her to ask to take her tights off.

Phoebe sat in car colouring a Christmas card competition entry whilst I tried wiping the mud and green off Lydia's hoodie with a wet wipe to avoid it setting. Picked up big girls and took Penelope back. Her parents weren't there, so waited for 5 mins before her dad appeared apologetically having lost track of time.

Home for a jacket potato lunch - Phoebe refused to eat hers which was odd. I was feeling very stressed after kid wrangling all morning so pulled the Bluey 'I just need 20 mins' card and went for a lie down whilst Tom got the girls into their party clothes.

Then off to Ellie, Andy and Aoife's  in Totton for Aoife's 4th birthday family tea party. Vee was there, and my parent's and Andy's parents appeared over the course of the afternoon. The littles played together so nicely like they always do, lots of conspiring and running off to dress up. Aoife loved her dolly baby carrier and wore it for most the afternoon. Girls did some crafts, Lydia enjoyed playing with Aoife's Barbies.

Party food tea, kids enjoyed being able to go back for multiple seconds of crisps and sweets. Such a lovely way to spend our time together. Home about 7pm to get kids to bed. Have spent rest of evening once they were settled parcelling up Autumn Socks to send to the godchildren. Bed soon.

NaBloPoMo 14 - whirlwind

 Up early for another walk with Alex again today - I do enjoy putting the word to rights as everyone else is sleeping, cold air battering our raincoats. I very nearly slept through my alarm but made it in time.

Back to get children dressed and to school, then home for a full on day of work, making social media posts, reviewing ad images for digital and out of home ads, working on some more emails, Facebook page admin set ups and team structure docs.

Finished up to help with kids and dinner at 4.30pm. Family Friday, so Ellie and Aoife were round for dinner, along with my younger sister Vee. Kids beyond excited to be together, had nice time singing round piano with my sisters, and giggling over the little ones sneaking off together to try on my high heels.

Difficult bedtime all round, with shouting from everyone. Big chat with Tom later about meal planning and parenting and trying to reduce stress in our parenting life. Important stuff but led to a late night.

NaBloPoMo 13 Dancing

 Most of today was a blur of the usual, get the kids out the house,  work through meetings, and email design, and all kinds of things. I did have a mental health treatment assessment appointment as part of investigating my PMDD type symptoms that have been worsening over the last few months. Basically for increasing amounts of time before my period, I want to kill people for breathing near me... Not good. Hence being referred for CBT. Not convinced that will help, but have to show willing. Water softener install happened around all this - think it's working, not checked, need to check Tom is happy.

Finished up at 3pm to do school pick up as Tom needed to work late to cover my appointment. Picked up Lydia's little friend and took all 3 to swimming to help out friend's mum. Lydia very grumpy because she forgot her fleece, leading her to be shouty and rude all through getting ready for swimming. I hate taking the kids to their swimming lessons, the changing rooms are so hot and it's so busy and crowed. Little friend was going in at 4pm, Phoebe at 4:15pm, Lydia at 4:30pm, with friend getting out at 4:30pm. Fortunately friend's mum was able to get there for pick up with took some pressure off me.

Managed to get everyone changed and home, cold bits for tea in front of the TV to give me a chance to get ready for dance as I was on duty volunteering as a taxi dancer tonight. Tom home at 6.00pm ish.

Left for dance in Horndean about 6.30pm. Weather and traffic atrocious but still managed to get here for 7.30pm to help with set up. As a taxi dancer, it's my job to welcome new members, help with the beginners recap sessions, dance with new dancers in the freestyle sessions, and keep the dance floor busy by looking for people who have sitting out for a bit. It was really nice to be asked to be a taxi dancer, and I love helping with the beginner sessions and watching people progress. The name taxi dancer comes from dancers who were employed in ballrooms back in the day paid on a dance by dance basis to dance with people who didn't come with a partner or wanted to improve their skills. I think you still get them on the Tango scene in Argentina. As a thank you for volunteering I get free entry on the nights I'm not on duty which is nice.

Had some great dances tonight in the freestyle once I was off duty. I get such a sense of flying when I'm dancing, I feel so alive. Where Ceroc is an improvised style of dance, you're always searching for that perfect connection with a partner where you feel almost telepathic, on the same wave length, able to adapt and adjust to each other on the fly, where dancing feels like a conversation of action and reaction. When I'm dancing with new people, or less experienced people, I love the challenge of adapting my own style to work with theirs, are they more bouncy, are they more musical, are they looking to do the exact moves from class or to experiment. It brings me such joy and satisfaction, worth not getting home till after midnight.

NaBloPoMo 11 - chasing my tail

Phoebe woke us up very early, kept her bed with me until 7am then Tom got her up and breakfasted. Really I need to get up when be she does, but I really couldn't bring myself to after a late night dancing. 

Got up at 7:30 and woke Lydia who was also still fast asleep after her late night at Beavers. Decided to help her get dressed as could see she wouldn't be fit to get herself dressed today with the late start and rushing around. 

Got everyone out the house eventually including Tom as we had a meeting at Lydia's school after dropping Phoebe off. Got to Lydia's school just as her class was walking in which was good as it removed some of the faffing at the door.

Once at Phoebe's school, said hello to the friend of Phoebe's in the playground  who's coming for a playdate next week, and introduced myself to her Mum as we'd not met before. Need to come up with an activity for them. Then back to Lydia's school.

Meeting went well, admired the cast concrete mid century staircase and the very good Year 6 art whilst waiting to be seen. Home to my laptop and calls about Christmas out of home advertising, social media planning, more recruitment and a barrage of emails.

Very nearly didn't make it to my school governor meeting in the afternoon, so drove back up to Phoebe's school. Safeguarding meeting with head in my role as safeguarding governor. Interesting chat about the challenges around attendance and its link to parental mental health and socio economic background. 

Once that was done, sat in car for 20mins doing online Xmas shopping before it was time to pick up kids. Always love picking up Phoebe as she's so excited to tell me what she's learnt. 

Find Tuesday pick up quite hard generally as I'm normally tired and very hungry and so are the kids. Bit of shouting and grumping from everyone today but better than it has been. I think driving home helped a bit. Set kids up with activities and snacks, Phoebe making birthday cards, Lydia working on her cardboard pyramid for her Egyptians project. Helped out as required between bits of washing up and starting dinner. A few dance breaks, Lydia quite good at being a jive follow, working on her spaghetti arms, and good for me to practice lead in a low stakes way.

Dinner full of kids who couldn't sit still, so more dancing after dinner for everyone including Tom, and a good silly shake to Shake it Off which genuinely helped.

Just about managed bedtime, girls had fun throwing rather at each other in shower for 5 mins whilst I did mad tidy if Lydia's room ahead of cleaner coming tomorrow. 

Phoebe asleep about 8pm, Lydia about 9pm, she'd enjoyed reading her new Egyptians lift the flap book and playing with play dough quietly whilst I got Phoebe to sleep. Tom out to home group 

Did a bit of tidying and flopped on sofa about 9.30. Needed to trim and file my nails as had badly cracked my thumbnail at some point today. Tom back about 10pm, watched episode of Riot Women before bedtime.

NaBloPoMo 12

Nothing sort of day today, did school run, worked from home till lunchtime. More email and planning work.

Went to Bitterne on the bike  to look for some autumn socks for god children and went to the gym. Arm and chest day today, def making progress.

Then picked up Phoebe from school and took her to ballet. Just about made it, can't wait till Jan when she moves up a class and the lesson is a little bit later, will give me some breathing room!

Bit more autumn socks shopping in Sainsbury's post ballet. Lydia out to tea at a friend's so Phoebe and I had tea at Trago Lounge. She was making the other patrons laugh with her 'dance breaks'.

Home in the dark to pick up Lydia and then a relatively smooth bedtime which was nice as Tom was out on a call out.

Tom went out for a run when he was back from work and we spent the evening emptying the cupboard under the sink ready for the planned water softener install tomorrow.

MY dream home

My Dream Home
Somewhere where I can be myself. Somewhere where it doesn’t matter what I look like or what I say. Far, far away from the babbling, laughing noises of the classroom or the incessant chatter of my family. No prying eyes, no venomous words. Just room for my own ideas.
Sodium glare. Streetlight haze. Here I am anonymous and nobody knows my name. Flicker. I pull the blind up slightly and peer at the crowds surging through the city centre on their night out. I can see them laughing, joking, flirting. Queuing at the taxi ranks. I am the eyes of the city, from here I see all. There are the couple strolling towards the pub hand in hand. There are the lads on a stag night resplendent in false bosoms and loud, sweat soaked shirts. I laugh.
The blind falls again with the satisfying cluck as wooden weight hits windowsill. I turn, and shudder at catching sight of myself in the one solitary mirror. Only one mirror that is hidden on the back of a door. Kick the door open, my reflection moves away, disappears. No prying eyes.
I am the ruler of all I survey.
Sodium glare. Streetlight haze. The room glows, golden orange. Reaching out I stroke the cat that has wheedled its way upon my ankles. She bats playfully at my shoelaces, eyes glowing in the half-lit gloom. I smile. I am the ruler of all I survey, but she is the queen. She knows that if she yells, I run to let her in, if she sits on my feet, I stroke her.
I shift my weight on the window seat and she’s off. Prowling the room, exploring the man made caves and mountains of books made from books waiting to be read. Quickly I take the chance and leap to my feet as she is occupied. I scamper across the wooden floor. Carefully, carefully. I am gone, I have slipped into the passage. I close the door gently knowing that the sight of herself in the mirror will startle her as it did me.
Fumble. Where’s the light? There. The small passage is suddenly illuminated with bright light from a gossamer lamp spun from transparent nylon thread. I tidy up the letters on the table, put the keys back in the small cupboard designed specifically for holding them. I will only lose them if I leave them where I chucked them. I was in a rush to get in from the biting wind, and lonely people.
The phone rings.
I leave it to the machine and stroll into the kitchen.
No wait.
It’s him.
I rush back and answer. He’s coming home now.
I am the ruler of all I survey
Back in the kitchen, I fill a bowl with Greek salad, stealing extra olives, then replenish my glass with the ends of the bottle of Merlot. She mews. I fill her bowl with water, and top up her dish with biscuits. Click. The lights go off.
I creep back. I do not want to disturb my world. Let the dust settle again. Peering out my window, I do up my cardigan. The candles! I walk sliding to the mantle piece, light the candles in the sconces either side of the picture. Then gently sink into the window seat once more. I watch, wait, knowing he will return.
The bowl is empty, place carefully on the floor, cutlery neatly laid side by side, balancing on top. The glass is half empty, the candles burned half way down as I enjoy the entertainments of it city. I sit at the window laughing at it’s antics and following it’s plots from my vantage point.
Then I see in the distance his small red car. I smile again. He is coming home. He will make a cup of tea and come into the lounge and grin his grin at tonight’s tales of the city. Laughing, he will walk to the window, stand behind me and wrap his arms about my waist as the sun rises over the rooftops.
I smile
I am the ruler of all I survey.

NaBloPoMo 10 - round in circles

Can't remember how the morning went, took kids to school in car as was going to office. 

Upon arrival, found my key didn't fit lock, so drove home again. 

Spent whole day looking at budgets and doing recruitment prep. My eyes hut.

Finished up at 5pm, wrangled kids while Tom cooked dinner. Tom took Lydia to Beavers at 6pm. Had nice snuggle on sofa with Phoebe watching Strictly before her bedtime.

She got ready for bed on my room as I got ready for dance. She likes to watch me do my hair and makeup and 'have sparkles on'. Once we were all ready, sat in bed with her and read stories before she dropped off listening to London Rhymes on her Yoto.

Off to dance, arrived just at the end of beginners in time for the first freestyle. Lots of my dance friends in, had some great dances. Some people there had spent the weekend at a dance Weekender, they were very tired! Did masterclass, enjoyable class of half nelson based moves. Sadly penultimate masterclass as they're going to run competition workshops next year instead. Not sure if I'll be able to make them due to timings clashing with kid bedtime. Boo.

Home to bed via a cup of tea and my many vitamins.

NaBloPoMo 9 - quiet day

Got up this morning to the lovely Jess having fed my kids breakfast. Had nice chat with her over tea until Tom came down. After I got dressed, spent morning doing puzzles with Phoebe and doing crafts with all the kids whilst Tom, Andy, and John made lunch. 

Big roast dinner and chocolate brownies and ice cream later, some lovely chats around the table whilst the kids cause chaos around us. Always so happy at how well our kids and the Treharne kids play together given we only see them a few times a year. 

Said our goodbyes to everyone mid afternoon. Spent rest of the day looking through some old papers and photos of Tom's dad's whilst the kids watched TV. Fascinating to see what people keep over the years. Some mystery photos of people we don't recognise. 

Had a gorgeous time dancing round the kitchen doing the washing up with Tom whilst the kids ate tea, laughing at us from the kitchen table. 

Bath time for everyone, Lydia very grumpy about life but we all made it. Disco bath for Phoebe which was a laugh. Did both girls hair whilst wet in a bid to save time in the morning. Tom made a plate of nibbles for dinner and we're catching up with the Newsreader TV program. 

NaBloPoMo 8 - fireworks

Our friends arrived about 9pm last night and we stayed up chatting until midnight catching up. Lovely. Phoebe appeared about 2.30am. Not lovely.

Woke up about 7.30am to Phoebe asking for breakfast. Got up to get Lydia ready for ballet. Very unhappy about having to leave Ethan and Lara. Managed to get her out the house with the promise of sweets. 

Picked up her little friend and took them for a hot chocolate before ballet with a little bit of charity shop shopping. Nice having big girl time with them. Did a spot of shopping whilst they were in class. 

Took the friend home, then went to meet the others at Mottisfont for lunch. Kids enjoyed playing with the tiny wheelbarrows and collecting the leaves. 

Left about 3pm when kids started acting up. Home to part cook sausages in the oven and get the firepit started. Sausages in buns and marshmallows all round around the firepit for all, with a side of glow sticks. Evening marred by Lydia having a meltdown over not being allowed more marshmallows, leading to me having to remove her from the firepit area, her biting me on the shoulder hard enough to leave a mark through my coat whilst kicking me in the shins. Leading me unceremoniously dumping her on the ground in shock.Tears and shouting all round. Not good. 

When we'd all recovered and apologised, sparklers for the kids and then bedtime. Kids to bed fairly well, watched the town fireworks from the loft windows. Huge display this year.

Have spent rest of evening drinking sloe gin and eating cheese. Feeling sleepy now! 

NaBloPoMo 7

Spent the evening last night making our 2023 photo book. Need to get on the 2024 one before I'm behind again. Definitely learning that I need to strike when the iron is hot and I feel like doing something. 

Today, alone to say 6 am and went on and early morning walk and coffee run with my friend Alex. We do every now and again to hang out and get some exercise. Even though I'm not a morning person I do like being out when half the weekend is asleep and seeing the sun rise. Also a good way to fit in exercise and seeing a friend around all my other commitments. Would never have thought of it if she'd not suggested it. 

Home to the chaos of getting everyone ready for school. I sorted Phoebe, who has been very grumpy all day, Tom helped Lydia. Made it to school with time to spare all round which was a blessing. 

Walked home via the bakery where I picked up bread and bought them out of finger rolls up feed our household of guests this weekend. Also bought a cake for everyone at I fancied a Belgian bun for breakfast and Phoebe had been asking for a bun with a cherry on the top. Turns out neither kid likes Belgian buns, so won't be buying them one again! 

Once home, ran a web CMS training webinar, and spent the rest of the day catching up on emails, checking budgets and sending out a Christmas short lead press release for Kent and East Sussex. Top tip, if you have any National World titles in your local press, you can upload your story about your event or whatever, and 9/10 times they publish it on their website as is, and sometimes the stories make it into the print editions too. Tom tidied the spare room to make room for guests around me when he'd finished up for the day.

Stopped work at 4:45 to make dinner, kids home from shopping with Tom after school about 530. Made salmon with garlic butter prawns dish from Hello Fresh for dinner. I usually like these meal kits but this one was a bit faffy and hard to follow. Phoebe very grumpy so took her up bed really early, just lying in bed next to her now, waiting for her to drop off.

NaBloPoMo 1 - 6

 It's that time of year again, and I nearly forgot!

Sat 1 Nov

We were all travelling back from our big family trip to Efteling in the Netherlands for my youngest sister's 30th birthday. 11 of us including 3 kids. Had a lovely time despite some rainy days and me having a stinking cold. So woke up on the ferry at some god-forsaken early hour, after a not bad amount of sleep. Convinced kids to get dressed, then met up with the family in the cafe on the ferry to await disembarkation at Harwich. Crossing had been pretty calm which was nice. I was driving my car, with my mum and Phoebe as passengers. Tom had Lydia, my dad and Ellie, and my brother-in-law Sam had my other sister Vee, my other brother in law Andy, and my neice Aoife in his car. No issues getting off the boat, long queue for passport control. Reconvened in the Starbucks just outside the port to swap people into the right cars for the long drive home and to get a coffee before heading out.

Said our goodbyes, with mum, dad, Vee and Sam heading back to Wiltshire, Andy and Lydia travelling with Tom, and Ellie, Aoife, Phoebe and I in my car. Phoebe and Aoife entertained each other for most of the drive which was great, so Ellie and I could have a good chat. Stopped at Fleet for a wee stop, and made it home just before lunch time. Spent rest of day pretty chilled, unpacking, starting the washing and letting the kids veg in front of the telly.

Sun 2 Nov

Egg cakes and sprinkles all round for breakfast, keeping the holiday vibe going. Kept things pretty chilled again. I took kids to church, was all age service much to their chagrin as it was half-term, so no clubs for them. Did have loads of activities round church so I was mainly supervising them rather than paying any attention, but glad they had fun. Roast beef and yorkies for lunch courtesy of Tom, and then he took them to the park on their bikes whilst I did more unpacking and washing. Helped Lydia plan out this term's homework project on the Egyptians, and supervised her piano and times tables practice. 

Mon 3 Nov

Working at Micheldever on Mondays at the moment to work in person with some of my team who live locally. So did school run then drove up there. Traffic a big gnarly at the moment due to the big junction improvement roadworks at the Winnall roundabout. Spent day working on various things like recruitment and Christmas emails. Traffic bad again, just about got home in time for dinner. Sharp turn around for Tom and Lydia as she has Beavers now at 630 on Mondays. Put Phoebe to bed and listened to her read, she's doing so well with that. All that playing schools with Lydia the last three years paying off. Was getting ready to go to dance as Tom and Lydia got back, she came up to brush her teeth with me whilst I finished off, she likes to watch me do my hair and makeup. Lydia not happy with my leaving, but Tom managed to distract her. Arrived at dance in time to catch the end of the first freestyle, intermediates class had some pretty moves, but freestyle quite quiet later on in evening. Back home for midnight, pottered about for a bit as feeling a bit wired.

Tues 4 Nov

Working from home today. Had docs phone call that finished just in time for me to do school run, but was bit of a mission getting everyone out the door. Trying to get some help for what I'm not sure is PMDD rage just before my period starts or the perimenopause. Going to try some antidepressants for the week before my period and see if that helps. Worked on Christmas emails again today, then finished up at lunch time. Walked up to the gym, was mainly leg day today. Felt pretty weak as had missed a couple of weeks. Then walked back to pick kids up from school. Both very grumpy on walk home. Perked up when we got in. Got them all started on their various homework, but found them very overwhelming having them in kitchen whilst I was trying to cook dinner. Dinner nice - crispy chicken in bao buns. Bedtime hard work all round. Managed to get them in bed whilst Tom went to home group. Then did some of my own piano practice before tidying up and bed.

Wed 5 Nov

Working from home again. More Christmas emails, finished a bit later as trying to sort a few bits with a colleague who's leaving next week. Went to chiropractor at 12noon, then worked from Wetherspoons for an hour to catch up and get some food before going to gym again. Arms day today, feeling it the following morning! Grabbed some food we needed from Sainsburys, then went to collect Phoebe. Lydia going to friends house for tea after gymnastics club. Took Phoebe up to ballet, and caught up with some banking admin whilst she was in class, as all my regular savers needed renewing. Drove her home, Tom had made us dinner which was nice, and then had phone call from Lydia's friends dad asking if he could drop her off early as they'd had a grandparent emergency. Said of course, and to bring the friend as we could watch her till her mum got back from work. Gave all 3 kids pudding once they'd arrived and set them up watch Elio as a chill calm activity. Tom went out with some mates for pizza at a local pub. Worked well till friend's Mum arrived to pick friend up, when Lydia got completely dysregulated and Phoebe decided to join in. Storm passed once friend had left, and managed to do bedtime and allow them 10 mins watching fireworks out the velux windows in my loft bedroom. We have a great view across the city from up there. Bedtime slow, Lydia not asleep till 9:30pm. Went downstairs and flopped at that point. Tom back from pub about 10:30, chatted for a bit before bed.

Thurs 6 Nov

Everyone in a mood this morning, giving myself a parenting gold star for deciding to leave the room when Lydia started kicking off about not having right clothes. Left her to calm down, and Tom eventually got her dressed. Got Phoebe dressed and breakfasted, then went to get myself dressed. Drove to school as I was off to a meeting at Slindon today. Lydia very dysregulated in playground, trying to mouth Phoebe's ponytail. Not sure why. Upset one of her friends by not very discretely giving her the present she'd picked out on holiday, tried to make it better by giving the upset friend the keyring she'd made for her and left languishing in her school bag for weeks. Need to work on those friendship skills. Apologised to all the parents, very glad when bell rang. Walked Phoebe up to her school, then drove off to Slindon. Sad handover meeting with colleague who's leaving, went out to lunch with her and the other colleague. Very pretty on the estate this time of year with all the autumn leaves. Left at 2pm to be back in time for school pick up in case Tom's called out as he's on call today. Just about to go make a salad and put pizzas in the oven. And need to go heat up my tea as I've made it and forgotten about it yet again.

Anyone else know the feeling...

 ...of when you fit in, but you don't belong?

NaBloPoMo 22 - 26

 Fri 22 Nov

Difficult morning getting Lydia out the house, worked from home until school pick up time. Went and got Lydia from school and then drove to Leighton Buzzard to stay with Jess and Andy for the weekend. Everyone tired and grumpy, low point was having an argument with Tom in a lay-by as we tried to wake Phoebe up as sleeping in the car causes bedtime issues. Had Subway for tea in Oxford, everyone a lot happier after that. Arrived at bedtime, Phoebe did not want to go to sleep, spent evening chatting and catching up over wine and chilli with the Treharnes when all the kids finally asleep. Lots of emergency closures at work to sort out because of Storm Bert, am on call this week.

Saturday 23 Nov

Phoebe awake at 5am, managed to get her back to sleep, but she still got up for the day about 630am, waking the house up with her. Tom sorted kids in the morning with Jess, I had lie in until 930am which made me feel more human. Kids played all morning whilst we got dressed and sorted, then went out to Canal Museum at Stoke Bruerne. Very good museum with a kid friendly floor and a grown up floor, and cafe and small shop. Had a good time looking round whilst waiting for John and Adele to arrive. Over the canal for lunch at the Old Boat Inn for very nice pub grub, then a very wet and windy walk. Back home for tea and cake and chatting, buffet of cold bits out the fridge for tea and beige party food - always goes down well with our kids. Adele went home mid afternoon, John stayed the night, so again much catching up and wine after kids all finally asleep.

Sunday 24 Nov

My turn to get up with the kids, but they woke up a bit earlier, much less painful. Lots of lolling around in our pjs breakfasting whilst we waited in turn for the bathrooms, much tea. Once everyone sorted, kids played around adults chatting. Gammon and roast veggies for lunch expertly cooked by Treharnes with Dorset Apple Cake for pudding. Trip to St Barnabas Church for their very sweet Christmas tree festival in afternoon, nice rainy walk to tire everyone out. John off home after this, then another buffet tea and PJs for our girls before we drove home in torrential rain. Big chat with Tom in car on way home about trying to parent better and chill out more.

Monday 25 Nov

Everyone easy enough to get out the house today for a nice change. Day at my desk at home again in back to back meetings, find this frustrating as I don't get the rest of my work done. Stopped work at 5 to sort dinner, had chat with kids about our house rules over food which was semi successful, then went to get dressed for dance. Had crisis of confidence over what to wear, went with clown trousers and baggy top, Lydia joined me to choose my makeup for me and have a chat which is sweet. Dance really good again to tonight, loads of lovely lyrical dances. Home very late, had to have midnight snack as starving.

Tuesday 26 Nov

Needed to shower this morn as had crawled into bed unwashed last night. Managed to keep my cool when came down at 8:20 to find Lydia part dressed when it was time to leave already, got her out the door with minimum fuss. Another day of back to back meetings and not feeling like I'm getting anywhere. Meeting at school for the parenting course. Found it really hard today, felt like it was all  my fault the kids misbehave and I'm a bad parent which coloured the rest of the evening.  Makes me feel like I have to be strict and hold boundaries whatever, rather than going with my instincts and flexing to make life work for us, the exact opposite of other parenting books I've read. Not sure what to do about it.

Tried having 10 mins with Phoebe 'special time' as per the course whilst Lydia did same with Tom, went OK. Bedtime difficult, Phoebe on one. Had a parenting low moment shouting at Phoebe and trying to hold her in the bed where she just wouldn't stay in bed and Tom had to tag me out. Spent most of evening crying in bed and being angry about how I'm a bad parent who can't do the simplest things and why don't I enjoy parenting like other people seem to. It all feels very hard. Tom being very nice to me and bringing me tea and chocolate. Have had realisation that my period is due tomorrow and I'm often struggling at this point in my cycle. Good knowledge for next month.

NaBloPoMo 19 - 21

 Not really feeling this this year! I think because nothing very interesting happens to me anymore.

Tues 19 Nov

Full on day of work, parenting course at school, feeling a bit under the weather, so doom scrolling and housework in the evening.

Wed 20 Nov

No swimming for Phoebe as pipe had burst at swimming pool. Walked her up to Bitterne to drop off a parcel after the school run. Killed time looking at shops and buying snacks before back to school at 11am for a school tour for Phoebe as she's incredibly starting school next September. She'll only be 4 years 1 month when she starts, so one of the tiniest ones. She was quiet and apprehensive as we walked round, but liked spotting some of the siblings of Lydia's friends in Year R. 

Walked up to bus stop and then caught bus into town to meet Alex for lunch at the John Lewis cafe. Phoebe very excited to be going on bus and to walk through the Christmas market looking at the giant Christmas trees and Christmas pyramid. Bit wriggly at lunch, but so happy to see Alex, her curly friend! Then got lift back home with Alex, did a bit of house work whilst Phoebe played, including scrubbing dog poo off Lydia's walking boots. Phoebe also very happy to have a go in Rosa's big girl car seat on the lift home. 

Tom's mum arrived and read Phoebe some stories, then went to pick Lydia up from school, whilst I got Phoebe changed for ballet. Frost had melted enough so cycled up to ballet in the cold. Went to drop parcels off and pick up parcels on the way home. Absolutely baltic weather, but Phoebe liked the fairy lights everywhere.

Home for dinner - smoked salmon, mash and veg, with cream sauce. Then bedtime for Phoebe. Knitting and TV for us once kids in bed.

Thurs 21 Nov

Walked Phoebe to preschool as Tom needing to go out early for work. Started snowing on walk home, was quite heavy for a few hours and settled. Had mostly melted by mid afternoon. Lydia super excited by it, think only the second time she's seen in. Tom's mum less enthusiastic about walking Lydia to school and driving home in it. Lots of phone calls today, feeling under the weather, had lunch time nap. Rallied in evening to go dancing. Popped in to Hedge M&S on way to pick up some new tights as loads of mine had holes in. In the gym at the school tonight rather than the main hall, extremely cold. Had gone in tights under my dress intending to take it off, ended up putting more clothes on, and didn't take off my coat for ages!

NaBloPoMo 18 - brain fatigue

 My brain is so tired.

Took both girls to preschool/school today as Tom had an early start. Lydia up and dressed which was a huge deal and so helpful.

Then back to my desk for loads of calls back to back and leading GDPR for images training. That involves me being 'on' my best shiny sparkly self. It makes my brain hurt by the end of day. Lots of trying to bring people out of their shell and getting them to contribute.

Dancing in the evening, brought my friend Bev along with me. She had a great night! Good night to come along for your first night as it as the Charity Bake Off night - I got asked to judge - so many tasty cakes!

Had a fab night of dancing, loads of people in. So relaxing and all consuming.

Interesting conversation with Tom before bed about how I use my people skills in different aspects of my life. I am a chronic flirt, I want people to leave a conversation, interactions with me feeling good about themselves, and wanting to spend more time with me and there's a fine line between 'flirting', charisma and manipulation. Lots to unpick there, but it was a great conversation.

NaBloPoMo 16-17

Fully familyfied this weekend

Saturday was a picnic at Dearleap in the forest for Aoife's birthday followed by a walk/cycle, then tea at the Wickens with all my siblings, parents and Papa. Went dancing after the kids were in bed but the freestyle was a bit quiet so came home early.

Today was roast dinner at ours for everyone, then Tom and Andy took the kids to the park whilst Ellie and I did the washing up. Wickens stayed for tea, then bed and bath for our girls after they went home. 

Phoebe and Aoife thick as thieves running around the house playing, best friends one minute, falling out there next, then hiding under Phoebe's duvet. 

Actually feeling a bit peopled out which is rare for me, so hiding in bed post kids bedtime.

NaBloPoMo 15 - still at my desk

Writing now whilst I need a break from work - still loads to do on the to do list. Had 1:1 with  my manager, she's pleased with my digital interp work, and confidence course call, chatted about how to make better allies of men in the workplace to help women, particularly in meetings.

Booked October 2025 trip to Efteling for Verity's 30th birthday.

NaBloPoMo 14 - Dolly

 Another grumpy morning getting the kids out to school, then dentists for me, and a flat out day of back to back meetings. Stopped in time to get jacket potatoes in the oven for kids tea and to madly get changed before rushing to the theatre in Chichester to see "Here You Come Again". Went with my friend Darren, who lives round the corner from the theatre as a birthday treat. Really sweet and uplifting show. I love Dolly Parton both as a musician and as a person, so it was great fun!

NaBloPoMo 13 rush

I don't work Wednesdays so I can hang out with Phoebe but we spend the day rushing around between the school run and ballet. 

No one tells you how much of you like as a parent is spent as a taxi service and personal assistant. The ferrying about and endless admin. I swear I go to work for a rest! 

Currently chilling for 30 mins whilst Phoebe is in her ballet class. She started in Sept and seems to absolutely love it. She has great rhythm and throws herself into it. 

Tom out to work early this morning, Lydia pleasantly surprised me by coming to wake me fully dressed and ready for school. I could have cried. 

Had enough time to wash my hair before Phoebe got up, but then was scuppered by the bike seat post being done up too tight for me to put it down to my height. Managed to squeak to school between first and second bell, but was very shouty about it. Will need to apologise to Lydia later. 

Then off to swimming with Phoebe, doing some admin whilst I waited. Left bike gear in lockers at pool and nipped into the high street to get the last of the autumn socks and a snack. Some Christmas lights for the bike may have fallen in to my basket too...

Home via a cake delivery to the Diaz' to thank them for picking Lydia up today. Tom's mum is away, so they're kindly getting Lydia so I can take Phoebe to her class as it clashes with school pickup. 

Made Phoebe's traditional Wednesday cheesy pasta and sorted out washing whilst she watched a bit of TV. Then made a new Little Red Riding Hood hair band to replace the one that didn't make it home from Halloween at preschool between putting washing away. 

Quick dash to Phoebe's ballet and here I am. Enjoying eavesdropping on the ballet mum's conversation. Southampton being an international city, you get people from all over, and currently someone from somewhere in the Southern hemisphere, I think somewhere in South America, is comparing Christmas tradition notes with someone from Eastern Europe, saying how much they like British Christmas compared to drinks and BBQs at Christmas!

Early night I think tonight before another jam packed day.

Oh, also have been invited to join a LinkedIn live to talk about my experiences of the confidence training. Feel like an imposter but have agreed to do it to practice my skills!

NaBloPoMo 12 intense

Today has felt injuries throughout. 

Phoebe's turn to be grumpy this morning. Lydia managed to get dressed nicely for a change. 

Did school run and rushed back for early call with IT bods working on new starter to talk digital interpretation.

All my lunchtime calls were cancelled so worked on confidence training and Jan/Feb planning, trying to workout all the deadlines to be able to handover to the new hire. Also had 1:1 with one of my reports 

Fisher up at 3:30 to go school for parenting course. Lots of paperwork and homework to track Lydia's tantrums for the week. I walked Lydia home via chemist to get advice about a rash on her face, whilst Tom walked to get Phoebe. Amazing conversation with Lydia covering the Reformation, Restoration Britain, the British political system, the difference between terrorism and activism, all kicked off by her studying Guy Fawkes Night at school.

Tantrums over bread Vs toast but did cold bits out the fridge for tea, worked well being low key and eating together in kitchen. Ended up playing 90s chub bangers to the kids after an ear worm which they enjoyed. Phoebe trying to copy my hand dancing.

Tantrums at bedtime over Lydia not wanting to wash her poorly hands, but got over them. She went to play quietly with her Lego whilst I convinced Phoebe to do a poo and then got her to sleep. 3 stories later a cup of hot milk and a dark room andi managed it. Tom out to home group, so I then got Lydia to sleep via some school reading and a Thomas story 

Then a couple of hours of catching up with work before bed. I've always done my best work between 8pm and midnight. Imogen Heap playlist on tonight for some uni nostalgia.

NaBloPoMo 11

What a wonderfully clear night.

I love winter nights when it is clear and you can see the stars and everything feels crisp and cold.

If I hear high heels tapping down dark streets I'm transported to the anticipation and promise of going out at a student. 

Extremely busy work day. Lydia had 30 min tantrum over not having right PJ's in evening which was wearing for all of us. 

Very happy to be out dancing at my Ceroc modern jive class this week. One of my new (-ish) dancing friends Peter was back this week, so lovely to catch up with him. It's great this year developing a few dance friendships to pass the time with between dances at class or in freestyles. I was really proud of going to a dance weekend this year on my own, and I think the only thing that could get made it better would have been going in a gang of mates. Going to try and keep being friendly to see if I can build that for myself. 

Was the masterclass with Max Rycroft this week, a champion dancer and great teacher. Really enjoyed the content and it's always fun if Max is taking the class. Even managed a dance with him in freestyle without my nerves getting the better of me and falling over like I normally do if I dance with a teacher. 

I'd love to get some feedback on my dancing and improve even more, but not sure how to do that. With the kids it's hard to get to all the workshops. I'm not interested in competing, just becoming the best I can be and giving the leads I dance with a really enjoyable dance!

I'm also loving what dance has been doing to my body positivity/confidence. I've existed in an increasingly large body as I've aged due to PCOS making losing weight difficult. With jive, it's not a performance and I get to enjoy how my body feels in this conversation of dance. Sometimes lyrical, sometimes sexy, sometimes being silly and having fun. It's also made me want to take better physical care of myself, to wear the clothes that make me feel confident and swish on the dancefloor, to wear the make-up that sparkles and catches the light.

Here I am all sparkly at the dance weekend

NaBloPoMo 10

Neck still oddly  aching, might need a chiropractor appointment.

Both girls slept in a bit, which was good after Lydia's late night on Friday. 

Got up and got Lydia dressed and made the rest of her packed lunch for her dance show. Phoebe very upset at me not taking her with me, bit she was right as rain playing with Tom by the time I got home. Dropped Lydia off at the Thornden Hall in Chandlers Ford, today's show venue and missed about how much better the facilities are in suburban schools. 

Stopped on the way home to pick up some flowers for her as I have a core memory of my granny presenting me with flowers after my first ballet show and being very pleased with myself.

Home to tidy up the dining room for lunch. Eunice and Phil arrived about 11:30 and finished up whilst Tom and I sorted out lunch. Coq au vin and pasta today. Left for the show around 1:15 and got there with plenty of time to find our seats.

Lydia's class on third. She did well, remembered to smile a bit, pointed her toes and didn't freak out when someone was stood on her spot. I barely recognised her when they entered, hair all slicked back in a bun and long legs!

Rest of show pretty good, a number of lads in a few classes and a big number of older dancers which is always nice to see. Think that says a lot about the ethos of a school. 

Big scrum to collect kids after, Lydia chuffed with her flowers and wanted to keep her stage makeup on. Tom was called out for work as the show ended, so dropped us home and went off on his job. He's just text at 8pm to say he's moved on to the second one of the night, but still lots of Christmas money. 

Gave the girls doctored leftovers for dinner and we all watched Strictly. Then a busy bathtime as they want to be in together and now trying to get Phoebe to sleep. Hopefully won't take too long as I will need to listen to Lydia read.

NaBloPoMo 9 angst

Woke up late after my late night to a cup of tea from Tom in the hospital, we got back about 12.30am. Lydia has a small buckle fracture. Going through adult A&E to get to x-ray from Paeds was an eye opener, patients on trolleys lining all the corridors.

Helped kids get dressed and then Tom and I began clearing out Lydia's cuddly toys and books. Kids 'helped' and played around us. Got lunch out when everyone started to get fractious. Post lunch went to go to town to pick up Autumn socks for the god-children and Christmas presents I'd ordered. Bikes weren't charged so Tom and I had a rare arguement about that. When we'd eventually calmed down went and got bus into town instead. 

Spent afternoon in West Quay getting all the bits we needed via a afternoon snack in the John Lewis cafe. They really need to sort the acoustics in there, but my scone was great. 

Home again on the bus, kids loving seeing everything all lit up. Soup for tea then bed for the girls via a quick bit of a disco, Lydia practising her ballet show dance and Phoebe giving it large with a Martha Graham style contemporary number in just her tights 😂

After they were asleep, sorted through house jobs with Tom doing a bit of forward planning and then went to see if I could get the smart bit of the car charger to talk to Tom's app on his phone. Which I was partially successful in doing. 

Had to get up in night to take painkillers because the right side of my neck was hurting. Odd dreams all night about dancing 

NaBloPoMo 1 - 8

 I had a sudden urge to blog, to record the fleeting passing of time, the bittersweet sense of the children getting older and the pang in your chest when you look at videos or photos of them as sweet babes.

And so I logged in to Blogger and suddenly realised it's November and I've missed out on NaBloPoMo already! Even though I can't bring myself to blog often, my life being so boring and insignificant these days and having no time to make anything much, I want to still have this annual snapshot of life floating somewhere in the ether.

Here's what we've been up to so far in November,

Friday 1 November 2024

Was on annual leave as it was half-term, looking after Lydia. Finished packing in the morning to go to Tom's mum's for the weekend. Lots of sorting etc to do. Lydia did actually pack her own stuff which is a big achievement. Drive down a nightmare - my period due, very grumpy with everyone, kids being extremely annoying. Got there in time for afternoon snack having left when Tom got home from work with Phoebe at lunch time. Kids played whilst we chatted with Eunice and Phil. Tom's nephew Rich, wife Clair, and kids Riley and Benji arrived not long after, much catching up. Phoebe wouldn't settle at bedtime, but got there in the end. Lydia kept everyone awake all night coughing.

I always feel massive anxiety going to stay with Tom's parents, that the kids will misbehave and I will be judged on my parenting. Need to work on that.

Saturday 2 November 2024

Went to Sherborne Castle to do their pumpkin trail, had lunch at the garden centre there, then went to Minterne House for their Halloween trail - all very low key, but beautiful grounds. Kids all played really nicely together. Gave our kids early tea to prevent them kicking off, and then they stayed up a little bit to have marshmallows on the firepit and watch some fireworks. Very jolly evening dancing around in the barn with the kids with hotdogs and marshamallows. Took Phoebe off to bed, she's such an amenable little soul, hardly any complaining, and then helped with Lydia's bedtime once she came in. Tom to bed early feeling rough, sat up talking with the other grown ups.

Sunday 3 November 2024

Stayed at Eunice and Phil's until kid bedtime, Rich and Claire left after lunch. All took dogs for a walk round the farm, kids played with the horse jumps for a bit. Our girls rode their bikes on the drive in the afternoon whilst I had a chat with Eunice. Got home about 8:30pm, and unpacked some stuff before bed. Lots of washing to do.

Monday 4 November 2024

Working from home today. Phoebe had 8am docs appointment about lump on her neck, Tom had early start in Poole I think so Lydia in breakfast club, then took Managed to get everyone out the house and where they needed to be on time on their own which feels like such an achievement. Docs think lump is post cold lymph nodes, need to go back in a few weeks again if they've not gone down. Busy day at work as I'm covering the Kent portfolio whilst we recruit a vacancy, working on the Christmas press release and some email marketing. Christmas offers sound lovely. Started Upfront Confidence for Women course too - sounds all a bit intense but making an effort. Went to dance in the evening. Pleasant surprise to see one of my dancing friends Darren there as he doesn't go to the Monday class often. Back to bed about 11.30pm.

Tuesday 5 November 2024

Working from home again, morning a bit rougher today but managed to get everyone out. Budget training, lots of meetings about digital, a team meeting, but felt rough all day with the same cold as Tom and the girls. Kids both a nightmare to get to bed.

Wednesday 6 November 2024

Home with Phoebe today. Took her out for swimming this morning after taking Lydia to school. Took car as feeling rough rather than the bike. She did a great job swimming, she loves it. Then went to get some grocery shopping, managed to get some Christmas presents, and home for cheesy pasta which is Phoebe's favourite. I make it for every Wednesday as she and I are the only people who like it in the house. Tom's mum arrived mid afternoon, and spent some time playing with Phoebe. I had a HUGELY productive day housework wise, got washing on, washing up done, putting shopping away, making lunch and getting dinner ready and so on. Big win for me as I really struggle with getting things done. Tom's mum got Lydia from school and I took Phoebe to ballet on the bike. It's so helpful that she comes to help like this on a Wednesday as Phoebe wouldn't be able to go to ballet without it, as the times don't work out with school pick up. Brought her home and had tea together, then did Phoebe bedtime whilst Eunice did Lydia's. Chatted to Eunice in the evening whilst doing the ironing as I wanted to alter a dress and needed to press it. 

Thursday 7 November 2024

Working from home again, lots of meetings, trying to get content out the door, feeling dreadful, had afternoon nap. Went to bed after kids went to bed. 

Friday 8 November

Working from home again, got Phoebe to bring her clothes up to our room and dressed her from my bed, then went back to bed till it was time to take Lydia to school. Feeling a bit more human today. Worked on forward planning and confidence course today. Wrapped up to take Lydia to swimming, managed to slam her fingers in the car door on the way home, so currently still in A&E at 22:25 having arrived at 19:20 on the advice of NHS 111. We're both bored and tired...

Meaty shell

"I only have one body and one life to live...I don't want to spend it telling myself I should have a different body, because I don't! ...I have to be able to want to make healthy choices for myself...I should do these things because I want to be alive, not to hurt myself for existing as I am. When you want to be anything but you... it's so much harder to justify actually treating yourself as something worth saving. But you are...I hope someday I will believe that more often."

View here: AHH — SORRY FOR THE VERY PERSONAL COMIC!! This is my...

This comic really spoke to me today. I have struggled with my weight and body image since I was a kid. There are times when I have been bigger or smaller, and now I don't actively hate my body anymore. But I am always. ALWAYS. always aware that society thinks my body is too big, and I still feel that nagging sense of shame that I can't seem to lose weight, and perhaps my life would be better if I was smaller.
I am more than the meaty shell of my body, but I *am* also that body. And it's okay.